Page 39 of Chasing Honor

Ethan.

“I was having such a good dream.”

“What were you dreaming about?”

“We were on an island, just the three of us, and we were playing Frisbee. I was winning.”

“Is that why it was a good dream, because you were winning?” I heard him laugh and opened my eyes, not wanting to miss him smiling.

“No. It was a good dream because I was with my two favorite people and no one else was around. Just the three of us.”

His smile faded, and I’d had enough.

“What’s wrong?” I asked and sat up.

“Nothing, smalls. It’s been a long day.”

I checked the clock, it was after ten, and he’d left the house at seven to take Carson to school before he went to work. It had been a long day, but that wasn’t it.

“I’m not talking about right now. I’m talking about all week.”

“Nothing’s wrong.”

“Ethan, if this is going to work, we have to be honest with each other. Even the uncomfortable stuff. And don’t treat me like I’m stupid. You’ve been retreating since Sunday. What happened? Am I doing something wrong with Carson?”

He sat down next to me and was quiet for a long time.

“No. You’re great with Carson.”

“I feel like there’s a but attached to that sentence. Is that a bad thing?”

“Kinda.”

His answer was like a physical blow straight to my stomach. I loved what Carson and I were creating. It was going to kill me if I had to pull back from her.

“Shit, Honor. No, it’s not. I don’t know. I can’t find the right way to say it.”

“So why don’t you just blurt out what comes to mind.”

He thought for several moments before he answered. So much for blurting it out.

“It’s always been just Carson and me.”

“I know,” I cut in.

“I thought it always would be. Now she has you, too. I’m struggling with what to do with that.”

“What?”

“It’s not jealousy. I love watching the two of you together. I love that she’s comfortable around you and asks you to help her. I think that’s what’s hard. I love it, but at the same time it scares the fuck out of me. What if something happens and you leave?”

“Leave? I don’t want to leave, Ethan.”

“You say that now, but it could happen. And we haven’t used protection since Sunday. What if you get pregnant?”

“Is this what the problem is? You’re afraid of me getting pregnant?”

“No,” he emphatically answered. “Not because of the reasons you’re thinking.”