Page 40 of Chasing Honor

“First, I told you I have an IUD. Of course nothing’s infallible, not even a condom.” I raised my eyebrow as a reminder. “But if I were to get pregnant. We’d deal with it.”

“Deal with it?”

“Ethan. Tell me what’s wrong. Right now. You know I didn’t mean deal with it as in not have it.”

“You’d keep it?”

“Yes. I want kids.”

His whole body relaxed, and right before my very eyes a weight lifted from him.

“So, you’ve been acting weird because you were worried I could be pregnant. And thought that if I were pregnant, I’d run like Chrissy did. Either I wouldn’t have it, I’d leave it with you, or I’d take it and you’d never see it.”

“Something like that.”

“I cannot believe you’d compare me to her.”

“I wasn’t. I just—”

“Yes, you were. I am not her. We are not sixteen. I don’t pretend to know what the two of you went through. I can’t pass judgement on her because she left you with the best gift in the world. But I can tell you with my whole heart, I would never leave my child. Not at sixteen, not at twenty-three, not at thirty. So, Ethan, don’t you ever compare me to Chrissy again. And next time you want to know something, ask!”

“I’m sorry. I was wrong.”

“Goddamn right you were. Now let’s talk about condoms.” His lips twitched, and I felt my temper rise. “You think this is funny?”

“No.” He smiled.

“I’m not smiling, Ethan. I’ve spent the last few days worried I’d done something wrong. Afraid you were done with me and didn’t know how to tell me.”

Ethan grabbed me, and I shrieked. Once he had me straddling his thighs and we were face-to-face he started. “I’m sorry I worried you. I told you when we started this I’d fuck up. I did, and I’m apologizing. I should’ve talked to you but, honestly, I couldn’t understand what was going on in my head, so I couldn’t explain it to you. I don’t want you to change a thing. You’re perfect and that in itself scares me. I can’t lose you, Honor. I don’t want to use condoms. You want the truth?” I nodded my head and braced. “I don’t care if you get pregnant. Part of me has been hoping all week your fucking IUD will somehow fall out, or break, or however the hell an IUD can fail. I know that’s fucked up and irresponsible, but I never wanted Carson to be an only child. I just assumed she would be. When I was younger, I’d always wanted a big family. I saw my parents and my aunts and uncles with their kids and I wanted the next generation to have what we all had. I was never lonely growing up, there was always a cousin around to play with. It kills me because I had Carson so young she’s missing out on that.”

“She’s not missing out on anything. She has all the cousins.”

“Honor, my youngest cousin is ten years older than her.”

“So? They obviously give her plenty of attention because all she talks about are them and your brother.”

“Out of everything I told you all you picked out was what I said about Carson.”

“Because that was the only important part.”

“You’ve got nothing to say about me wanting to get you pregnant?”

I had plenty to say but nothing I was willing to verbalize. I should’ve told him he was nuts and anytime in the future we had sex he was going to double up on the condoms, but that wasn’t the way I felt. Maybe I was the one that was nuts. Totally and completely off my rocker. We needed to pump the breaks on the baby talk, however, I would be lying if I said I didn’t like the fact he wanted me to be the mother of his future children.

“Sorry to say, that is a non-topic, handsome. It can’t happen, I’ve been assured by my doctor my IUD is exactly where it needs to be and is good for another few years yet.”

“We should test it out, check the accuracy of the device.”

He lifted his hips and pressed his hard-on between my legs.

“Maybe we should.” I said returning his smile.

“We good?” he asked.

“I am as long as you are. And you promise never to compare me to Chrissy again.”

“Promise,” he replied.