Page 66 of Chasing Honor

The worst part was, I had no idea what had happened. What had changed his mind? He offered me nothing by way of explanation. The only thing I was left with was assumption and everything pointed to Chrissy having said something to upset Ethan.

Thankfully, Carson was easily distracted, and I used it to my advantage, offering her a snack and told her we could eat at the coffee table and watch the movie if she finished her homework in time. I wasn’t sure if Ethan had talked to Carson about her asking if I could be her mom or if he’d blown her off too. I knew nothing because he wasn’t talking to me.

I got Carson a snack and we finished her homework. We were getting everything ready to start making tacos when I realized we didn’t have any tortillas to make the shells.

“We gotta run to the grocery store, darlin’.”

“Will we still have time to watch our movie?”

“We sure will. And we’ll even grab a tub of ice cream and share it for dessert.”

“Yippy. I’ll get my shoes.”

Carson took off then met me at the door. Her excitement was contagious, and I found myself smiling at her, despite my foul mood.

Damn Ethan!

I buckled Carson in and headed toward the grocery store. She was telling me a story from the backseat, one I’m ashamed to say I didn’t hear. I was torn. On one hand I wanted to stay and demand Ethan open up to me. However, I couldn’t deny I deserved better than a man who would close me out and break promises. I’d grown up with a father who’d promised year after year he’d be home more, be more involved, yet each year there was another excuse why that didn’t happen. Promises made, promises broken. Each time my dad walked out the door, I watched my mom lose a part of herself. I would never lose myself like that, no matter how much I loved Ethan and Carson.

I was worth the fight, and if he wanted me, he’d have to chase me.

19

“I’ll drive today.” Lorenz swiped the keys to the squad car out of my hands. “I’m shocked I lived after last night’s driving.”

I rolled my eyes at his exaggeration. “Whatever.”

“You get shit worked out with Honor today?” he asked once he had me trapped in a moving vehicle where I couldn’t avoid his question like I’d done when he’d bombarded me earlier.

“Barely saw her today. By the time I dropped Carson off at school and came home she was working in her room.”

“Did you knock?”

“What?” I shifted my gaze from the red light in front of the car to my partner.

“Jesus, Ethan. Did you knock on her door? Tell her you wanted to talk to her?”

“No . . . she . . . um . . .” Fuck, now I was stuttering. I couldn’t even get myself to say the words out loud.

I knew I’d fucked up and hurt Honor, but I didn’t think she’d want to move out. Once she’d suggested it, I was too angry to speak. Then when I’d found my voice, Carson came downstairs for breakfast. I couldn’t believe she wanted to bail. And the worst part was I’d done it to myself. Both my mom and dad had tried to warn me not to wait, to talk to her immediately, but I didn’t fucking listen.

After I’d lain awake tossing and turning after my last shift, I knew I needed to talk to her. I’d actually gone downstairs once to wake her up, but it was barely six a.m. and I figured I’d let her sleep an extra hour and catch her when she got home from her run. Only she surprised the hell out of me by changing up her morning routine and was sitting at the kitchen table when I’d gone downstairs for coffee. She looked so fucking beautiful, but the sadness in her eyes was like a shot in the chest.

I was going to go wake up Carson and come right back to talk to her when she dropped the bomb she wanted to move out. Then shit went downhill. Instead of telling her she wasn’t going anywhere and explaining why I’d behaved like an ass, I stood there trying to get my anger in check. The longer I’d stood there, unbelieving what I was hearing, the more she mistook my silence for acceptance. I didn’t fucking accept anything. Then Carson came downstairs and essentially ended any discussion we were going to have. After I got home from dropping my daughter off at school Honor had already locked herself in her room to work, or pack, or whatever the fuck she was doing. I was too pissed to knock and find out. I thought I’d done the right thing by calming down before I spoke to her. I’d already hurt her, I didn’t want to say something else I’d regret. The day wore on and instead of getting my shit together I got more and more angry. How could she want to leave? Because I was a dick, that’s why.

“She what?” Lorenz asked, pulling me from my memories.

“Said she wanted to move out,” I told him.

“I thought things were going well.”

“They were—until Chrissy showed up. Man, just seeing her sent me spiraling into my worst fear. I said some shit to Honor I regret.”

“And you still haven’t apologized or talked to her,” he surmised and shook his head in disgust. At least that’s what I assumed it was, considering I felt the same way about my behavior.

When the fuck did I turn into such a coward?

“I told you, I needed a minute to get my shit together before I talked to her.”