Page 65 of Chasing Honor

Some would say my reaction to Ethan’s silent treatment was a little over the top, but I was mad and hurt and my least favorite feeling was that of being unwanted. So when he tried to beat a hasty retreat and take his coffee back to his room, I told him we needed to talk. I wasn’t sure what I was going to say, but, in my mind, it’d played out much differently than it had.

Ethan had stood at the bottom of the stairs and made no attempt to come sit next to me. His gaze was faraway and uncomfortable. I hated he felt that way. With each passing second, I watched his look of unease grow. It was then I came to decision.

“Maybe it would be best if I looked for a new place to live.”

“What?” He recoiled but still made no move to come closer.

“You said you wanted to slow things down. I don’t think we can do that while I’m living here.”

I waited for him to argue, say something, anything that would give me some sort of indication he wanted me to stay. But he didn’t. He stood his ground, one hand white knuckling his coffee cup, the other in a tight fist by his side. He gave me nothing.

“I don’t want you to have to tiptoe around your own house to avoid me.”

“I’m not avoiding you,” he denied.

“Sure you are. I won’t pretend it doesn’t hurt, because it does. I’ll start looking for something this afternoon. I don’t want to lose you, Ethan. Or Carson. But I can’t live here in silence. I’ll move out, you think, and when you’re ready we’ll see where we go from there.”

“I don’t want—”

Ethan was cut off when Carson came running down the stairs and beelined it straight to me. She jumped in my lap and told me all about the day I’d missed and what she’d done. I hadn’t gotten up like I’d been doing and making her breakfast, instead Ethan set a bowl of cold cereal in front of her, and she talked around spoonfuls until it was time for her to go to school.

That’s when Ethan had made his promise, one I bet he wished he hadn’t. A promise he’d made to get Carson out the door to school. She hadn’t wanted to go to his parents’ house after school today, she’d wanted to come home and stay with me while Ethan was at work. The more he told her no, the more upset she got, until he gave in.

* * *

I stood off to the side watching Ethan and Carson argue. He was standing by the door in his uniform, trying to get Carson to go to his parents’ house. Carson wasn’t having it. Ethan had made a promise, and she wasn’t letting him renege. We still hadn’t finished our conversation from this morning. After he’d taken Carson to school, I took my laptop into my room to work. I waited, but he never knocked. He hadn’t made the effort. As the day progressed it felt like the knife in my heart was twisting with each hour that passed.

“Daddy. You promised,” Carson whined.

“Hey, maybe we can do a movie night some other night?” I tried to help Ethan, even though I was seriously angry he was trying to keep Carson from me after he’d promised her just this morning she could stay with me.

“But Daddy made a promise. Pop says, a man never breaks his promise.”

Carson, wise beyond her years, had a very good point. However, Ethan seemed to be breaking a lot of promises lately. His attention turned to me, and he still didn’t have the balls to open his mouth and ask me if I was okay with Carson staying with me. He let his expressive, green eyes ask for him.

I, however, wasn’t acting like a prick, so I answered, using words, like a grown-up.

“It’s fine, Ethan. Go to work. I’ll help Carson with homework then we’ll watch a movie. Don’t worry, she’ll be in bed on time.”

“Yippy. Can we make tacos again tonight?” Carson asked.

“Sure, darlin’ we can make whatever you want.”

Ethan said goodbye to Carson and offered nothing more than a lift of his chin to me before he walked out the door.

“Daddy’s being grumpy,” Carson complained.

“I think Daddy is grumpy because he doesn’t like working nights. He likes being home, so he can eat dinner with you and tuck you in. So he gets grouchy when he can’t do it.”

“But if you’re my mommy, he doesn’t always have to do it. Mommy’s tuck their kids into bed and read stories. McKenna’s mommy tucked us in when she had a sleepover.”

God, I hated Ethan. Not really, I was madly in love with the stupid jerk, that was why I hated him so much right then. Two days ago, I was thrilled Carson wanted me to be her mom. I thought that meant the relationship Ethan and I had been building was solid. I had Carson’s seal of approval; we could continue. A day that was supposed to be happy and always remembered, I just wanted to forget. But I couldn’t. Ethan’s words played on repeat, overshadowing Carson’s question.

Slow down.

Not ready for anyone to be her mom.

His words still hurt days later. I desperately wanted him to talk to me. Open up, trust me, something—anything. But he’d shut down. I wanted him to fight for us. Give me something so I could stay and fight, however, the statement about me moving out had been made and now it hung between us. He was probably relieved. I knew once I moved out, that would be it. He’d never try and work things out.