Page 78 of Chasing Honor

“I’m not sure, darlin’,” Honor croaked then cleared her throat. “Maybe you can come see me tomorrow after school.”

“Can I, Daddy?”

“Absolutely. Gran can bring you by when she picks you up. Now, let’s get you back to Gran and Pop so you can go home and get some dinner, and Honor can rest.”

“I love you, Honor.”

“I love you, Carson.”

I helped Carson off the bed and didn’t miss Honor wiping a tear as it rolled down her cheek.

“I’ll be right back,” I told her.

She opened her mouth to argue but closed it and nodded.

It wouldn’t have mattered if she’d argued or not. I was not leaving this hospital without her. It was one of the many ways I was going to prove to her how much she meant to me. Getting her to trust me again, was a whole ’nother battle, which would take longer than a few days.

I said goodbye to my aunts and uncles, promising frequent updates, then I was left with my parents.

“I can’t thank you enough,” I told my dad.

“No other place we’d be,” he said. “Now, fix this, son.”

“I’m going to.”

His hand clapped on my shoulder and squeezed. “I know you will.”

My mom gave me a hug and patted my check. “Love you, boy.”

“Love you, Mama.”

“I’ll see you tomorrow, Daddy,” Carson added.

I knelt in front of her and opened my arms. She stepped in and wrapped her arms around my neck. “I love you, Squirt. I’m sorry I’m staying here tonight.”

“It’s okay. Gran told me that Honor needs all your love right now, so she can get better and come home.”

“Yeah, she does. She’ll be home before we know it, and we can spoil her.”

“Can I make her cookies?”

“You sure can.”

“Night, Daddy. I’ll miss you.”

“Miss you, too. Be a good girl.”

By the time I made my way back to Honor’s room she was asleep. I sat back down in the chair next to her bed and did exactly what I told her I was going to do; I watched her sleep.

I’d like to think I was fairly self-aware and could recognize my shortcomings. I’d been wrong. I hadn’t seen nor understood them until Lorenz, my parents, and Honor pointed them out to me. And even after they had, I still stubbornly thought I was doing the right thing.

Honor sighed in her sleep, and I vowed to make this right. Once again, I thought about what my father had told me. I hated to admit it, but he was right. The last eight years, I’d been content. Happy being a father, loving on Carson. However, I’d never known bone-deep, soul-consuming love. Now that I had, I wasn’t going to let it go. I was going hold on to it for dear life, fight for it until my dying breath, nurture it, and wrap myself in it until there is no beginning or end to it.

Honor would be my wife, Carson’s mom, and the mother of our future children. That, I was sure of. It was time I opened up to her and let her see the real me—all the ugly secrets I kept hidden from the world. She deserved nothing less.

23

I woke up disoriented and uncomfortable. It took me a moment to get my bearings and remember I was in the hospital. Ethan was next to me, softly snoring. He was still sitting in the same chair from last night, and I winced at the angle of his head. He looked more uncomfortable than I felt, But, even in his slumber, he was handsome. Damn him for driving a wedge between us.