Page 79 of Chasing Honor

I thought back to what Carson had said yesterday, and my heart constricted. Ethan had told the nurse he was taking Carson to see her mom. A week ago I would’ve been thrilled. Now? I was angry he was trying to manipulate my feelings about Carson to his advantage. The realization only strengthened my resolve. I would not let him use Carson to get me to forgive him. Once bitten, twice shy.

The accident only proved to me that life was short, everything could be gone in the blink of an eye. The somber reality may’ve woken him up and made him think about the past week and how stupid he’d been pushing me away. But the near-death experience had sobered me, and now I knew, more than ever, I wanted more. As much as I’d loved my mom, I wouldn’t allow my life to end like hers: one husband who repeatedly promised a better life, then another who promised the world only to put her through hell. Why had my mom resigned herself to an existence full of empty words? Whenever reasons she had, I wasn’t going there.

“Morning, smalls. How are you feeling?” Ethan’s sleep roughened voice pulled me from my thoughts.

As immature as it was, I wasn’t ready to talk to him, so I shrugged my answer and turned my head away from him. Why was he doing this? Why now? After days of grunts and one-word answers. I’d given him the out he’d needed to sort his shit out. I was finally getting my life on course. I’d moved out of Frank’s house with a determination to make it on my own and, stupidly, I’d fallen for my landlord, putting me back into a situation of having to rely on someone else. So fucking stupid.

“Why are you really here?” I asked, wanting to get the argument we were about to have over with. He needed to leave. I needed to use this time to think, which was hard to do with Ethan sitting vigil.

“I already told you why.”

“No, you haven’t. I want to know why, after days of not speaking to me, suddenly you love me and don’t want to leave my side. You had no issues leaving me alone the last several days.”

The sleep crept from his eyes, replaced with pure anger. His face turned to granite, and his eyes narrowed. “Suddenly? There is no suddenly about it. I have never stopped loving you. And I’m here because I’m going to prove to you I’ve learned from my mistakes. Remember when we started this, and I told you I was going to need patience? This is one of those times. I know I owe you more than an apology. I owe you honesty, something I’m prepared to give you. But, Honor, you need to understand this, I was never going to let you move out of the house without a fight. And I still won’t. I will use everything within my power to make you stay.”

“Like Carson? That wasn’t cool the way you flipped everything around and made it seem like I didn’t want to be her mom. Let’s not forget it was you that said you weren’t ready for anyone to be her mom.”

“I did say that, and I regret it. I hope after I explain everything to you, you’ll understand and forgive me. If you don’t, I’ll try harder. And for the record, I’m not using Carson. Last night I tried to tell Carson she had to wait to see you. She nearly screamed the waiting room down. She wasn’t leaving until she could talk to you. When the nurse stopped us in the hall and told me children weren’t allowed back, I said what was natural—she wanted to see her mom. Carson asked if that meant you were going to be her mom. I admitted I messed up, and you were mad at me. I also told her I had to make things right with you before we talked about her request again.”

I was still pissed, however, there was a twinge of guilt for thinking the worst of him. I knew how protective he was of Carson and accusing him of using her was out of bounds. I knew better.

“Will you tell me more about Chrissy and why she was following me?”

There was no sense putting off this conversation nor trying to talk about how he’d behaved the last few days if we didn’t address her presence. The truth was, I’d rather gouge my eyeballs out with a hot poker than talk about her, but it was time to rip the scab off, even if I’d be the one bleeding.

“Before we start, do you need anything? Pain medicine? Anything?”

“Are you stalling?”

“No, Honor. I’m trying to make sure my woman is comfortable and not in pain before we talk. And I’m going to get a cup of coffee and wake up a little. Then I’m going lay it all out for you.”

That was nice. It’d been a long time since someone cared about my comfort.

“I’d like a cup of coffee, too, if I’m allowed.”

“I’ll ask on my way past the nurse’s station. Be right back.”

He stood and stretched, the hem of his T-shirt rode up, exposing a sliver of mouth-watering flesh. I may’ve been laid up in a hospital bed, pissed off at him, but I wasn’t dead. There was no doubt Ethan Lenox was a fine example of male sexiness.

“I love you, Honor.” He winked and leaned down to kiss my forehead.

He strode out the door, and I couldn’t bring myself to care he’d caught me checking him out. Now that I was alone in my room, nerves set in and had me questioning my reasoning for bringing Chrissy up first thing in the morning. I’d always heard the saying, don’t ask questions you don’t want the answers to, and the more I thought about the possible answers, the less I wanted them. Then there was the added complication that the woman had saved my life. Of all the people in the world who could’ve been there to help me it had to be her.

“Good morning, Honor.” A chipper nurse walked into my room. “I’m Betty. I’ll be your nurse today.”

“Hi, Betty.” I smiled back, her friendly disposition infectious.

“Where’s your pain level, sweetie?” she asked as she looked at one of the many monitors surrounding my bed.

“About a six.”

“I’ll get you something,” she said and started to pump up the blood pressure cuff around my bicep.

“Please don’t. Not yet. The pain medicine puts me to sleep, and I just woke up.”

I didn’t want to tell her it was because I wanted to hear what Ethan had to say and I’d need my wits about me.

She removed her stethoscope from my arm and tucked it into the pocket of her scrubs before she gave me an apprising once over. “Not that I blame you, wanting to be awake with a fiancé as handsome as yours, but you can’t get behind the pain. Your body needs to recover and the best way for that to happen is if you are relaxed and not hurting.” She walked around the foot of the bed. Coming to my right side, she pulled back my hospital gown and checked my chest tube. “Everything looks great. I told Ethan you could have one cup of coffee. I’ll make you a deal. We’ll wait on your pain meds until breakfast is served.”