Page 85 of Chasing Honor

It was day four of my hospital stay, and I was going home. All we were waiting for was the final discharge papers from Dr. Levine. I was under strict orders to go home and rest. No running or exercise for three weeks, until my lung was fully healed. The stitches on my forehead and abdomen would have to stay in another week, but I didn’t care. I was going home.

“We did. But it’s not too late to change your mind.”

“Ethan, she’s on her way. I need to do this. I think you need it to. What are you so worried about? And stop pacing, you’re gonna wear a hole in the floor.”

He finally stopped his patrol and sat down in the chair next to my bed; the one he’d been sleeping in every night. True to his word, he hadn’t left the hospital. Lily had brought Carson in every day, however, the fifteen-minute visits weren’t enough. I missed her, and I knew Carson was missing Ethan and her own bed. I’d pleaded with Ethan to go home and get Carson settled, but he’d refused. I leave when you leave is all he’d say. We’d talked well into the early morning hours last night and he’d opened up about his experience as a young dad. Once again, I was impressed by his love for Carson and his commitment to ensure she had a great childhood. Every story was about Carson, every move he’d made had been well thought out, keeping only Carson’s happiness in mind. He told me how he’d struggled with the decision to become a police officer and how he still felt guilt over choosing such a dangerous profession. He was too hard on himself. And boy was he still pissed at Chrissy. He hid it well, I wouldn’t have guessed he’d harbored so much anger, but he did. Most of it was on Carson’s behalf. Ethan was worried Carson would grow up and feel cheated because she only had one parent. But the strange part was, Ethan never had made the effort to date. It was this weird cycle. Guilt, anger, resentment, fear. He had to break it.

I was hoping Chrissy’s visit today would be a start.

“I’m not worried about anything,” he answered. “Fine. I’m worried. I don’t know why, although, having her anywhere in Georgia worries me.”

“Everything will be fine,” I assured him. “There’s nothing she can say that will change my mind or how much I love you. I want to thank her for her help and ask for myself what her intentions are with Carson.” I held up my hand when he tried to interrupt. “I know what you’ve told me. But I need to hear it from her.”

“I love you, Honor.”

There was a knock on the door, halting my response. Ethan walked across the room and opened the door. When he turned toward me to allow Chrissy to enter, his brow pinched together, and his big, strong frame vibrated with uncertainly. I hated this for him. There was no reason for him to be nervous. There was nothing Chrissy could do to us.

“Thanks for seeing me.” Chrissy voice wobbled. She entered the room, and Ethan shut the door behind her.

I was thankful I’d been able to change out of the hospital gown and was in my regular clothes. Sure, I wasn’t looking my best, but at least I wasn’t still leashed to the bed by the chest tube. I needed to be on even ground with the woman who’d given birth to the little girl I’d come to love.

“Of course. Ethan said you wanted to talk to me before you left.”

This meeting was her idea. She obviously had something she wanted to say. It was up to her to start the conversation.

“I . . . um . . . wanted to make sure you were okay. And apologize for following you and Carson.”

I took her in, really studied her for the first time. She was an attractive woman, which wasn’t surprising. Carson was beautiful. I noted the similarities between the two and was surprised when I didn’t feel any jealousy—I felt sorry for Chrissy.

“About that. Why were you following me?”

“Do you mind?” Chrissy gestured to a chair near the window.

“Please, make yourself comfortable.”

I watched as Chrissy crossed the room on shaky legs and sat, clasping her hands in front her. She briefly glanced at Ethan before her attention swung back to me.

“I’m sure Ethan told you I asked him if I could see Carson. For good reason, he told me no. I wasn’t happy with his answer and, selfishly, still wanted to see her. As I told Ethan, I wasn’t going to approach you or try to take her or even talk to either of you. I just wanted to see her.”

“Why now?” I asked.

Chrissy flinched at my question and looked away.

“I wanted to see her just once before I go blind.” She spoke so softly I thought I’d misunderstood.

“Blind?” I questioned.

“I have retinal degeneration. I’m not telling you this to excuse my behavior or so either of you will pity me. But it’s the reason why, after all these years, I came back. My doctor told me I needed to do and see everything I wanted while I still could. The only thing I wanted to see before I lose my sight was Carson.”

“There’s no treatment?” Ethan asked.

“No. I’ve already tried gene therapy, but there was no improvement. I’ve made peace with it. Carson was the only regret I had. Never seeing her has haunted me. I’m sorry, I went against your wishes. It was selfish and underhanded. You have my word, I won’t bother your family again.”

Shit on a shingle. What did I do with the news of Chrissy’s illness? I couldn’t blame her for wanting to see Carson before she lost her eyesight.

“She’s beautiful, isn’t she?” I asked Chrissy.

“She is. And smart. You’ve done a wonderful job with her, Ethan. I always knew you’d be a great dad. I can never thank you enough for keeping her and loving her. You’ve given her the family I never could have.”