Page 59 of Declan

“About Juliana.”

The oxygen in the room thinned and my vision became hazy. “Don’t you fucking—”

“Who knows?” Zane demanded.

“Kyle and Max.”

“Who’s Juliana?” Thad’s question burned so hotly I was afraid I’d explode.

“My wife.”

Thad made an angry growl and my gaze sliced to him. His eyes narrowed and I waited. Then everything clicked together for Thad and there it was—the pity I didn’t want.

“Alive and breathing,” Thad whispered as the puzzle pieces of past conversations snapped together. “How’d it happen?”

None of my anger at Zane slipped, but pain invaded every part of my being.

“Drive-by at my daughter’s first birthday party.”

I heard it, both men inhaled so deeply it was a wonder they’d left any oxygen in the room.

“Where’s—”

“Dead. Juliana was holding Violet and they took four to the chest,” I callously blurted out.

It was a fucked-up thing to do and I knew it, but I was so pissed I didn’t care. They all should’ve minded their own business.

Numbness took over. Yes, this was what I needed. I had to find that place where nothing could hurt me. Nothing broke past the walls. I’d become soft and had let each of my teammates in. None of them got the whole story, but each had pieces of me. I’d known better than to let that happen.

“You got something to say, say it, Jaxon,” I invited when the man continued to stare at me mutely.

“Brother, you can’t know this because you’ve never let her close. But that sister of yours, she’s got magical powers, Declan. You got unimaginable grief bottled up. I get it, I understand why you locked down and kept it for yourself. But what you can’t know is, Violet needs to hear this. She deserves to hear it. You lost your daughter so she lost a niece. Her namesake. You open up to her and I swear to you, she’ll help you dig it out, all that pain. She’ll work her ass off to see you through. We all will. But especially her.”

“I don’t want her working her ass off for anything.” I slammed my palms on the table, uncaring my control had slipped. “I want her to continue living her life smiling and happy. Enjoying her family.”

“Fucking hell, Declan. You are family. You’re her twin brother. Does she get to enjoy you? Does she get to enjoy seeing her brother hold his nephew? All she wants is her family to be happy and that includes you.”

Silence fell and the vise that had tightened on my heart finally shattered the organ. I could no longer keep my emotions at bay. Everything was rushing to the surface. Autumn’s rejection. Juliana and Violet.

“I can’t do this. I thought I could. I thought I had shit squared away but I don’t. I never did. I fucked up. I never should’ve come back.”

“What’s fucking with your head?” Thad asked.

“Better question is, what’s not?”

“Break it down,” Zane rejoined.

Fucking bastard. This was his fault. He never should’ve brought Juliana and Violet up.

Bile churned in my stomach just thinking about admitting what kind of man I was.

“There’s not a damn thing we can’t help you work out.”

“Yeah? You think that?” I didn’t bother to hide my attitude.

“Know, brother.”

“I’ve been seeing Autumn for months,” I told him something he knew. “What kind of asshole does that make me, that every goddamn night I’d go to her and fuck my problems away? The one woman who deserves nothing but good and clean and gentle. And I kept going back taking more. She’s the only one who understands. The only fucking place I felt at peace was when I was with her.”