Page 60 of Declan

“You ever stop to think you gave her the same in return? That maybe you’re exactly what she needs? That the two of you being the same, carrying heavy burdens, do your best to keep the demons from taking over, that maybe she was taking from you?” Zane returned. “Not trying to be a dick, Declan, but Autumn’s not the first—”

“I don’t think about Juliana,” I blurted out. “Fuck!” My hands went to my face and I pressed the heels of my palms against my forehead. “Autumn’s the only woman that’s ever made me forget. I don’t think about Juliana when I’m with her. Christ, I barely think about her at all. How fucked is that? I close my eyes at night and I see Autumn. I can hardly remember what Juliana looks like. What kind of asshole does that make me? I’ve replaced my wife.”

“You have to let her go,” Thad gently told me and I wanted to punch him in the face.

Fuck, that hurt.

“I have. She left and I’ve respected her—”

“No, not Autumn. You have to let Juliana go.”

My breath caught, my heart stopped, and my muscles bunched.

“She’s gone, brother. But you can have it again.”

“I can’t.”

“Alive and breathing,” he pushed. “Autumn’s alive and breathing and she’s got you twisted into knots. That should tell you something. And I’ll remind you again, you told me you wanted it. A woman waiting for you at home, a home the two of you made. You want that life, here’s your shot. Take it.”

“We’re not talking about you and Emmy.”

“No. We’re talking about you and Autumn. She needs you as much as you need her. Let the past go and take your shot at something good. Take it, Declan. You’re the only man who can heal her wounds and you know it.”

Did I know it?

All I knew was every part of me hurt. Every part ached for Autumn. Every inch of my body begged for me to find her. But more than that, my soul yearned for her.

“I need to go.”

No one stopped me when I got up to leave. No one tried to approach me when I left the building.

And before I understood where I was driving to, I was parked in front of Autumn’s. She wasn’t there, hadn’t been there in the two weeks since she’d left. And I knew that because I was a pussy and had slept alone in her bed every night.

What the hell did I do now?

Chapter 21

Awkward.

That was the only word I could think of to describe the last week. I suppose it was better than the angry, bitter, pissed-off I was when I’d arrived at my dad’s, but not by much.

My mom had talked and talked and talked. That was her way when she was nervous, but I felt like she just kept packing in all the words she could so she could say everything she wanted to before I took off again and disappeared for another nine years.

My dad had watched it all. He spoke when directly spoken to, but other than that, he offered nothing. But from the moment I’d wake up until I went to bed, he hadn’t taken his eyes off of me.

Mom had invited Dad and me back to her house, which used to be our house. I swiftly declined. I never wanted to step foot back into that house. So Mom took Dad’s bed, I slept in his guest bedroom, and he slept on his couch.

They’d been divorced for years but I thought that Emmy had told me they were reconnecting. However, nothing in my father’s body language said reconciliation and my mom was walking on eggshells.

Awkward.

And no one was asking what I knew they wanted to know. Where I’d been for the last nine years. My nerves were frazzled. I missed Declan more than I thought possible.

And I wanted to throw a temper tantrum and scream like a two-year-old. What thirty-year-old woman does that?

“Autumn, honey—”

“Mom,” I hissed and she stepped back.