Page 68 of Declan

“What?”

“Say it, lay it out, Autumn.”

“I don’t—”

“You do. You know what you want to say, you know what you feel, you know why you came back. Let it all hang out, babe.”

Panic turned into terror and I pushed harder.

“Come on, baby, be fearless. My wife and my daughter died in my arms. I live with that, Autumn. I feel it in my bones, holding them while their blood leaked, as their last breaths left their bodies. I failed them. That’s what’s holding me back from you. I’m so fucking afraid to let you down, to fail you. I’m scared as fuck those feelings for you mean I’ll forget them. That if I let myself fall in love with you that will mean I love them less.”

Fucking, fucking, shit, that burned to admit.

That was the hundred-pound weight around my neck choking me—how could I love Autumn when I promised to love Juliana?

“Say it, Autumn. Tell—”

“I’m scared this is all I’ll ever be. This pitiful victim. This broken, fucked-up person. I’m so scared to feel anything because all I know is pain. And don’t tell me I’m not a victim, I am. Just because I survived doesn’t mean it didn’t happen.”

Sweet Christ, the tears that welled in her eyes cut me to my core.

“So stop being a victim.”

“Right. And how do I do that?”

You have to let her go.

“Let it go.”

“I can’t change who I am.”

“Thank God for that, baby, there’s nothing you need to change.”

You have to let her go.

Thad’s words kept replaying in my head over and over. The whole conversation. I was stuck in the past. Before Autumn, I never wanted to let it go because that was all I had. But now if I wanted a shot at something good, I had to make a choice.

“Take a chance.” My hands went to her face and her shoulders went stiff. “Let go of the past and walk with me.”

“Where would we go?” she whispered.

“Anywhere we want.”

“And if I wanted to run away?”

“Then we’d run away.”

“You’re serious?”

Those green eyes glittered, and for the first time, they didn’t dance in pain. There was something else there, it looked a lot like hope.

“I’ll follow you through the fiery pits of hell just as long as we do it together. I’ll walk as long and as far as I need to until we find what you need. But you gotta know, I already found what I’ve been searching for. So here, or there, on a beach, in a cabin, in a hovel, the place doesn’t matter as long as you’re there. That’s all I need.”

“You sound like Dr. Seuss.” Autumn’s lips hitched into a smile.

“Don’t ever run from me again.” Her grin faded, and it sucked because it was the most genuine one I’d ever seen. But I had to get one last thing out. “I gave you time because I had shit I had to work out. But if you try to run again, I’m hunting your ass down, Autumn. No joke, I will find you.”

“And did you work it out?”