Page 33 of Sorrow & Strangers

“Sum?”

My gaze moves to my hand, to my naked ring finger. “What have I done?” I whisper.

Max slowly lowers me to the ground, keeping his enormous hands on my hips to steady me. I am fixated on my ring finger, my empty ring finger, but then my gaze catches on my nails. Max’s blood is beneath them because I just fucked him. I fucked Max.

I cheated. I cheated on Connor.

“Summer,” Max says, drawing my attention back to him.

I blink up at him, wondering if he can see the devastation on my face, wondering if he also feels the guilt of what we’ve just done. Tears fill my eyes, and I know I need to get away from here. I push his hands off me and extricate myself from between Max and the wall. Shoving my dress down, I kick my heels off and bolt out of the alley.

“Summer!” Max calls after me, but I don’t think he’s following me this time.

What have I done?

What have I done?

What the fuck have I done?

Chapter Nineteen

Alice

Summer’s missing. Again. Fucking, Drac! I never should have let her out of my sight, but she seemed to be doing so well, and I let myself be distracted. I got lost in the illusion that things are . . . normal, and now I’ve lost her. Again. My eyes scan the club, and I know they are flashing red. I listen for the familiar sound of my best friend’s heartbeat. The shifter I was dancing with reaches for me, and I shove him away. He is a boring asshole anyway. I head toward the door, listening for her. I’d know her anywhere. These last few months, it’s been the only thing I’ve held on to, listening to her heartbeat. It was the only way I knew for sure she was still alive. Every time she didn’t eat, every time she barely slept, I listened for her heartbeat.

Outside the club, I catch her scent, frowning when I smell her tears. They have been another constant these last few months. That scent and her heartbeat have been the only things to tell me she’s alive.

I don’t have a lot that’s just mine, but I have Summer, and I’m not losing her. I won’t lose her like I did Connor and the Morningstars, like I lost my mom as a kid. This time I’m going to make a difference. I will plant my feet so I stop losing people. No one will take anyone from me ever again, especially her, and I refuse to pretend that I don’t care, to act unaffected, like I have pretended my whole life.

Following her scent, it leads me right back to the house, and I know the second I step inside where she is. Walking into her bathroom, I find her sitting in the shower. Her arms are wrapped tightly around her knees, hugging them to her chest as she sobs, the scent of her tears filling the bathroom. She is still in her dress, the makeup she put on earlier leaving dark tracks down her face. Slipping off my heels, I step inside fully dressed and sit next to her, letting the icy water pound down on both of us.

She took a step backward at the club. I shouldn’t have suggested we go out. It was a stupid suggestion. I am an idiot. Wrapping my arms around her tightly, I pull her into me, trying to absorb the sobs wracking her body. How many days have we spent just like this? Me, selfishly holding my best friend together because I can’t lose her. Selfishly making sure she survives another day, no matter how much she clearly wants to die.

Selfish, cruel girl.

Whatever.

When her sobs taper off, I push Summer’s hair back and start braiding it down her back, like I’ve done a lot the last couple of months. It helps keep it from getting tangled and makes my job easier.

“I cheated,” she whispers, leaning into me.

I tie off the braid with a hair tie I keep on my wrist for this exact reason before pulling back and cupping her cheeks to scan her pale eyes. “Tell me.”

More tears stream down her face. “I cheated.”

Okay.

“Like . . . on a test?” Maybe it was one of the assignments I brought her? Summer’s pretty weird about school, so that would upset her.

She sobs, pulling away to bury her face against my shoulder. Okay, maybe not a test. I reach up and turn off the shower. Standing, I tug until I get her on her feet. She is too skinny, and I don’t want her catching some fae sickness and dying because I let her sit in frigid water. I’ve got to be careful with her.

“Hey, we’re not going backward,” I say, cupping her cheeks again. With the water off and her standing, I catch a new smell on her. One that tells me exactly what she meant by cheated.

“I fucked Max,” she admits, choking the words out between sobs.

Oh, Sum. I’m sorry we’re like this. We’re so screwed up.

“I know,” I whisper back. “I recognize his scent.”