Page 34 of Sorrow & Strangers

Summer sobs again, and I gather her to me, stepping out of the shower with her. Both of us are drenched, and she is shivering. “Let’s get changed. But, Sum? You didn’t cheat on anyone.” You can’t cheat when the person you’re cheating on is dead.

Together, we make it to her room, and I change her out of her wet clothes into comfortable, dry ones, wiping the remaining makeup from both our faces. Summer just stands there and lets me. I was really proud of her for showering on her own yesterday, but I pushed it. I ruined it by saying we should go out. This is all my fault. I pull down the covers on her bed, and she climbs in as I dart out to change into dry pajamas and grab a towel to dry her hair with.

Kneeling behind her, I gently squeeze the water from her hair. “Sum? Before I go on a ball-cutting-wearing-as-earrings-while-devouring-his-still-beating-heart rampage, it wasn’t . . . It was consensual, right?” From what I know about Max, I’m pretty sure it was, but honestly, you can’t trust men, no matter how much you think you know them. “I’ll still kill him if you want me to, even if it was mutual.”

“Completely. I-I wanted it,” she says, curling even more into herself.

Oh. I see now. I wipe the tears from her face, even knowing it is useless. More will just replace the few I scatter. She hasn’t stopped crying, and I wonder how deep this break is going to be.

“You wanted to be alive, Sum.” She sobs at my words, at the truth of her actions. I suppose she didn’t take a step backward, not at all. She took a scary leap forward, and she wasn’t ready. “You still want me to kill him?”

“No more death,” she says, shaking her head and slipping down into bed.

I sigh softly and slide in beside her, wrapping my arms around her. “Okay, Sum.”

She buries her face into my neck, her hot tears scalding my skin, and I do what I always do. I listen to her heartbeat. It’s racing, but slows as she finally drifts off, assuming the steady rhythm of sleep. I close my eyes but attune myself to that beat so if a nightmare takes hold of her again, I’ll wake her up.

Just like every night.

Chapter Twenty

Summer

My body feels wrong. It aches in such an unfamiliar way, and there are various points where my skin throbs lightly. The nightmare clings to me. He wasn’t there last night, so the torture persisted, and for some reason, I felt like I deserved it more than normal. Alice’s warm body presses up against mine, and I am burning up. When I shift, a deep ache throbs between my legs.

My eyes blink open, and I frown as the memory floods my consciousness. Max’s hands, lips, and teeth were everywhere. Every inch of skin he touched burns, and the claws of guilt slash down my spine.

What did I do? What did I do?

My phone pings on the dresser, interrupting my spiral. I haven’t checked it since I charged it, but knowing it might be one of the Morningstars, I pick it up. My stomach sinks further when I see the message.

Unknown

What is it, little fae?

The cursor blinks at me, waiting for me to reply, and I consider not doing so. I desperately want to turn it off, to let it die and never use a phone again, but I promised Farrah. Even if I got rid of it or changed the number, he’d find me, and I know it.

Summer

Leave me alone.

I know it is futile, but I live with the hope that one day it’ll stick, that he’ll listen to my wishes and leave me alone.

Unknown

You seem troubled.

I look around, not sure what I’m expecting to see, but it alarms me that the instinct I had last year, the one that told me I was being watched, is absent. I feel blind without that sense, as if my survivability is compromised.

Instead of replying, I climb out of bed and change into my yoga pants and sports bra. The run yesterday helped, and while I’m even more messed up today, there’s no reason it wouldn’t still help. Plus, it will keep me from screaming abuse at the stranger, even if he deserves it.

My lungs burn as I pull in oxygen, and my legs feel like lead, but I push on. Not only am I feeling the effects of yesterday’s run, but also last night’s more intimate activities. The insides of my thighs ache after being wrapped around Max so tightly. I shake my head, trying to rid myself of the images that flash through my mind. Unfortunately, it seems the memory will not be denied, and I clearly remember how green his eyes were, how his muscles rippled as he fought for control, how he hammered into⁠—

Fuck no. Stop.

I turn and start running back toward home. I’m only midway through my loop, but this isn’t clearing my head, not at all. If anything, the memories are worse than when I woke up.

Alice is still sleeping when I get home, so I quietly walk through my room to the bathroom. I emerge from my shower just as she is waking up. She blinks at me, still half-clouded by the haze of dreams.