Page 36 of Sorrow & Strangers

My fingers curl around the ring, and I cradle it against my chest. It feels heavy in my hand, weighed down by the burden of my betrayal and the sorrow of losing Connor. I tighten my grip on the small gold circle that was supposed to be the symbol of our love. The diamonds dig sharply into my palm as the memory of Connor and me sitting on the couch sears through my mind. Those words dropped from his lips, and I know that if they had come from anyone else, I would have bolted for the trees. But they came from Connor, my perfect Connor.

“Marry me,” he says.

My breath catches as his words form in the air between us.

“Miss Tuatha De Daanan?” The headmaster’s deep voice pulls me from the memory, smashing it to pieces all around me.

My stomach twists anxiously when I look up to meet his silvery gaze, and only then do I feel the tear forging a cool path down my cheek.

“You have suppressed your powers again,” he says. He’s watching me, tracking that tear, watching as it drips off my chin to land on my blouse. “You’re going to hurt someone if you continue on like this.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” I lie. My power is raging within me, desperate to be used, to be channeled, to harm, to kill. The darkness swirls in waves and crescendos, running rampant through me, though it is still trapped, smothered by my grief, by my unwillingness to bend to it. But maybe I should . . .

The headmaster keeps his eyes on me, but the air shifts in his office. Dark, delicious power slithers over my skin, and my eyes almost roll at the feel of it. His power pulls mine to the surface, and it’s desperate to escape, but I clench my fists tighter, struggling to maintain my last shred of control. My power surges within me, like my anger, but this is even harder to resist.

He draws back a little, and I have to resist the urge to ask him not to. I want to beg him to keep it out and allow it to continue to flow around me, but when I look at him, his eyes are dark. I know he’s trying to provoke some kind of reaction from me, but what?

Suddenly, I’m shrouded in even more power, but this time, my own responds by exploding out of me. Every muscle in my body flexes, and the force of it rips a cry from my throat before everything goes silent. My chest heaves as I gulp down air, and there is a faint ringing in my ears.

When my eyes finally clear, I see the devastation I’ve caused. His office is now in complete ruin. The papers that were on his desk are now confetti, fluttering through the air. A massive hole is all that remains of the window and part of the floor. The artifacts all hum with their own shields, but the shelves they were on were not so lucky. They are all now burnt and broken, their pieces nothing more than ash on the floor.

The headmaster flickers in front of me as he drops his shield. The force of my power had shoved him a single step back.

Fuck.

I lurch to my feet and bolt out of what remains of his office, leaving my bag behind. The only thing I have is the ring, the diamonds still cutting into my palm. Running all the way home, I head straight for my room. I am covered in cuts and soot, but I can’t bring myself to care as I crawl into my bed. I don’t have the capacity to process that explosion while my power roils inside me, demanding to be used again. It is taking all I have to contain it, and all I can think about is the ring.

My fingers ache as I open my hand and look at the ring. Blood now stains the metal and stone from where the diamonds cut into my palm. Was it always this heavy? No. Not when I deserved it, although I never truly deserved it. Connor thought I did, and that was enough. But now he’s dead, and I am left with this beautiful symbol of . . . pain.

Alice climbs into bed a while later, but I barely acknowledge her. I just continue to stare at the ring. The memories have been replaying over and over in my mind since I touched it, and with every passing second, they grow more and more painful.

“Hi,” Alice says, and I can feel her warm brown eyes on me. “The headmaster?”

“I blew up his office,” I say, my voice broken.

“Damn.” She follows my gaze to the ring, still sitting in my palm, and she brushes her fingers over it. “I know.”

“I never deserved it. I never deserved him.”

“Shhh,” Alice soothes me, pulling me tighter against her body. I close my fingers around the ring again. “That’s not true.”

I sob. “I slept with Max.”

“Again?” Alice asks. There is surprise in her voice, but no judgment.

“No.”

“Oh,” she says, but I can’t place her tone. “I wouldn’t have judged if you had.”

“I cheated on Connor,” I say between broken sobs.

“No.” Alice cups my cheek. “No you didn’t. He’s gone.”

He’s gone.

I shake my head. “No. He’s . . . He can’t be. He was so good, Alice.”

“He was, and he did what was needed.”