Page 50 of Before We Burn

The shift from Marzana the assassin to Marzana the professor happens quickly. She sets her glass down, grabbing a cloth to pat her shirt dry, then clears her throat. “Yes, that’s very normal for Bloodlings to experience. Especially when you’re so—” She stops, not wanting to say I’m young out loud. I think it hurt her more than it did me to know that.

“When I’m so young?” I finish, and Marz simply nods and looks down.

It upsets her, but I see it as an opportunity for growth. That’s why the voices told me to stay with her. That’s why they chose me, a freshly-made vampire turned on my sixteenth birthday. They knew Marzana would respond better to someone who was innocent in her eyes—pure, in a sense.

“You can ask me questions, you know. I will answer what I can,” I say, shrugging as I move to sit at the kitchen table.

Standing in the shadows requires you to be still and unmoving, so my back is starting to hurt from standing so straight. I still don’t know how to adjust my movements to be more human-like. Instead, it’s obvious I’m a vampire. I walk too light, stand too still, and always forget to blink.

“I just want to make sure you’re doing okay. This is a lot to be thrown into, and I know the effect it can have on your mind. If you want to talk, we can. I can even help you adjust to the movement part of it. It took me a while, but now it’s second nature.”

I don’t want the conversation to be about me. I didn’t care for the conversation, so I sigh heavily, hoping she’ll drop it. But the voices scream at me.

Don’t do that to her, child. She’s learning the same way you are, one of the voices echoes in my mind. Yes. Still growing, still learning, another one calls from somewhere in the distance. I rolled my eyes, making Marzana pause and shift uncomfortably.

She doesn’t know how to talk to me. Doesn’t know what to do with me is more like it, actually. Everything I do is new to her, and she thinks I have knowledge she doesn’t. I feel her poking and prodding at my mental barriers, and I raise a brow.

“You don’t have to get inside my head to figure out what I’m thinking. You can ask. You can talk to me. I promise I don’t bite…unless you’re secretly a bunny.”

Marz snorts loudly, and I let out a laugh. Such crude humor, a voice says. Yes, very crude my child. Don’t joke like that again. I ignore them. I could never tell how many there were, just that they are there and tell me what I can and cannot do.

“I’m curious to know what’s going on inside your head. You’re always assessing, watching. It seems silly, but sometimes I wonder what things look like through the eyes of someone who watches and listens.”

I like this response. She is clever, a voice chimes, happily. Oh yes. Marzana is very clever. So much hope. This voice sounds in multiples, but they are right all the same.

“Do you want me to be honest or give you the watered down version?” I rest my elbows on the table and hold my head in my hands.

“I’ve never been afraid of the truth,” Marzana says in a sing-song voice.

A lie, regardless of how she said it. She’s always been scared of the truth, especially during her assassin days. Living with the knowledge you’re the monster people tell their children about is a hard pill to swallow.

“You are continuously lying to yourself.” I shake my head, not liking that direction.

“Let’s try this again, Marzana. Do you want the truth or not?” My tone changed to be more serious. I hate doing this to her, but sometimes people need the harsh reality to get them to a place where they can grow.

Marz’s eyes narrow at me, trying to see if I’m irritable or she actually did something to bother me. It’s neither, but that’s besides the point. I want Marz to open the door to being honest. I can’t force what I want to say on her. The future is always changing, but when it comes to Marz, I know the timeline I want for her.

All the people we’re with matter in the war against the humans. The people in this house are the start of a revolution that should’ve happened years ago, and I want to stay on the timeline when they all survive.

“Go on. Let’s hear your truth.” Marz wears a smirk, and I can’t help but smile as she sips her drink, sighing as the blood begins to course through her body.

“I’m thinking about you and how you act. How you’re always so calculated because you think you’re making up for your sins.” I shrug and sigh as my mind wanders to the past, catching glimpses of her actions and assigned hits. “I’m thinking how lonely you’ve been throughout the years that you can’t even see when someone is trying to get close to you. Maybe even love you.”

Maybe, is the key word. I can’t be specific, but I can always go around the rules. Naughty child, a voice chimes. Yes, very naughty indeed. The others follow, but I don’t listen this time.

I see the shock on Marz’s face. She thought she hid it well, but I’ve learned everything about her. She itches her nose when she’s frustrated and doesn’t want anyone to know. When she’s upset, she tries to smile. If you see her tapping her fingers or foot, someone made her mad.

Marz clears her throat, and I know I’m right. “Bunny, no one should be close to me. It’s not safe. No one ever really leaves the council’s service, and they could demand I come back. They could hurt those I’m closest with to force me.”

She wasn’t wrong, but she’s still lying. “You’re lying, Marzana. I know you better than anyone—even Constantine.” I sit up straight and turn to give her my full attention, glimpses of the future rapidly firing through me. I see my tone isn’t going to work, so I adjust.

“You know, they say the truth sets you free.” I force a smile and it feels unnatural. My teeth grow as my shift happens—I’m still getting used to that.

Marz is guarded, but that’s expected. She takes a moment to sort through her thoughts and I let her. I assumed there would be some thinking going on, but I didn’t realize it would take her forever to figure her shit out.

“Being alone is what I deserve, Bunny. This entire war is my fault. I’ve killed people who would have been able to stop it if they were alive.”

Tell her, a voice screams in my head. Tell her quickly, child, the others demand.