Page 63 of Before We Burn

With my background, I had to learn about things like that. Witches could hex, protect, and spell anything as long as their mouths could move. I just don’t know what she was saying. I can’t look away. Both of them move in unison, working together to ensure nothing was forgotten.

My mother disappeared for a moment and came back with a gold necklace with a small golden pepper charm on it. I watch as she puts the necklace on me, her eyes welling with fresh tears. She takes a step back and examines me, her hand moving to the identical necklace she wore. My own hand travels to my throat where my necklace rests, an unrelenting sadness consuming me from the inside out.

My mother’s face suddenly shifts, her eyes looking behind instead of at me, and panic morphs her features.

“Where is the screen for that window, Marzana?” Her tone is fierce, and her eyes remind me of fire. She marches to the window and looks around before turning back to me and screaming, “Marzana, where is that screen?”

I see the panic making its way into my thoughts. The way my eyes open wide and my face goes blank. I look around the room, willing myself to remember where I put it, but I can’t. My mother moves around the room, searching anywhere she can think of, while shouting.

“The screen acts as a barrier, Marzana. If there is no screen, there is no need for an invite, because you are inviting them in. Find it. Quickly.”

I was frozen. I spun around in a circle, my back now facing the opened window, and I took a step back. My throat feels like it’s restricted, my face hot, and I try to fast forward through this. I try over and over again, but nothing will work. I’m being forced to watch the most horrible night of my life. I stand there helpless, my head radiating with a throbbing pressure that’s making my eardrums feel like they’re going to explode.

Nadiya’s hand tightens around mine, her eyes remorseful as she watches me go through my feelings all at once. The sound of someone whistling pulls me from my internal panic, and realization dawns on my face.

I’ll never forget that tone, that pitch. Alexander had whistled every single day we have known each other, and each time I told him to shut the hell up. My stomach aches. This entire time, it was him. It was Alexander.

Hands come through the window, grabbing me by the waist and pulling me through, feet first. My head slams on the floor, the scene in front of us becoming blurry. I must’ve turned around to see who had grabbed me, because even through the blurry vision I instantly recognized the one white eyebrow. The only difference was his hair seems to be whiter—less black-riddled within the crisp stark white.

The scene fades and darkness surrounds us for a moment. I hear footsteps crushing what sounds like grass, and someone murmurs to themselves. Once the scene comes into focus, my breath catches in my lungs. I’m in a grassy field, nothing in sight for miles. Recognition tickles my brain as I realize this is the field I woke up in.

Alexander stands over me, a sinister smile on his face. “You might not want me now, but once you realize how lonely it will be for you, you’ll regret rejecting your soul tie. You’ll regret ever saying no to me.”

My resolve shatters, and I fall to my knees. Nadiya is next to me for a moment, holding onto me tightly. Soft instructions are whispered into my ear, reminding me to breathe, but I don’t want to. I didn’t want to know who turned me anymore. I didn’t want any of this.

The younger version of myself gave a weak laugh and a groan. “You’re delusional. I would never want you. There is no space for you with me, and I swear by it. On the blood of my ancestors—on the blood of the Popov witches before me—you will live forever knowing I rejected you because you’re a little fucking bitch.” I spat at him, and blood-tinted saliva landed on his pale face, the contrast striking.

He hisses out in frustration, pulling me upwards by my hair, then bites down so hard I hear the snap of the tendons in my neck. We watch as he drains me slowly, low moans coming from him and satisfaction coating his every move and sound. I see movement in the distance, two bodies moving at a slow speed toward the scene of my murder. The closer they get, I’m able to make out Onyx—the same man I saw in Everett’s memories.

I stop breathing completely then. Onyx has my mother by her hair; she’s fighting and thrashing as hard as she can, but nothing seems to move the grip he has on her. That’s the same time my half-dead body decided to fight. My hands thrash and my nails connect with Alexander’s head, leaving streaks of torn bloody flesh in their wake. My eyes had begun to shut, my skin pale and deathly, and my mother screamed my name. The sound was deafening and coaxed the last bit of fight out of me. With a final gulp, Alexander released me.

My body fell to the ground as I stared at the dark clouds in the sky. Our point of view shifts, and instead of watching this all unfold, I begin to see it through my younger self’s eyes. I hear Alexander as he speaks to my mom.

“What could you possibly offer me that I don’t have?” Alexander sounds arrogant, which was always his biggest downfall.

“Me. I’ll give you me. Please just let me say goodbye to my daughter.”

It went silent. I couldn’t see if something had happened or if they were in a silent stand off. I had no choice but to lie there and hope he didn’t agree.

“Fine. Say goodbye, and let’s get moving. I don’t want her to see me when she wakes up.”

I heard my mother as she rushed over to me. Her voice was broken as she took my hand in hers and held it tightly as she kissed the back of it over and over. Her lips moved, but there was no sound coming from them. She just looked at me with adoration and so much love. I wanted to tell her how sorry I was about the screen, that I knew better, but I couldn’t. Alexander had broken my neck and the venom had already begun to force the change.

Nadiya’s voice cuts through the heartbreak as she speaks to me, but I can’t see her. “She’s giving you her power, Marzana. She gave you the blessing of power. You’re the last standing anchor.”

I don’t have it in me to acknowledge what Nadiya said. I can’t if I want to hold my sanity.

“Alright, Ava.” Alexander's voice was followed by a scream. “Time to go. We can only hold the sun off so long.” My mother’s name rang in my ears as I willed myself to hold onto her hand tighter, but something rough and crinkled in my palm caused me to release her hand.

It was the paper with my name. She gave me the gift of knowing my name.

I felt them leave. I could feel the cold touch of death and the haze of the inbetween. I wanted to scream, to fight. But I couldn’t.

The thick dark clouds that once covered the sun moved with them, allowing me to die under a beautiful blue sky with a brightly shining sun. I could hear my thoughts, as if I was thinking about them myself.

I looked at the sky, some semblance of acceptance and revenge pooling in my gut. I fought to speak; I opened my mouth and closed it over and over again in hopes that something would come out. On my last try, my broken, fluid-filled voice broke through.

“To live, you must die.” Those are words I’ve heard before.