Page 64 of Before We Burn

My eyes blinked slowly, and my breath became more shallow. The end was here. I was dying alone, but I was dying loved and protected. My parents didn’t offer me up like a pig for slaughter. They educated me, told me about my ancestry.

My final thought felt like my younger self knew I was there and was trying to give me a hint.

Round and round the chestnut tree,

The badger chased the weasel,

They ran and ran and had great fun,

Pop! Goes the weasel!

My skin crawls, and for the first time since being turned, a tear falls from my eye.

My younger self blinks one final time, tears of her own falling down the sides of her face, then a stillness coats my body. I close my eyes on the human life that was stolen from me. All because I rejected a man who didn’t know how to accept no for an answer.

27

SHIPPING OFF TO BOSTON

MARZANA

Ican’t stop it from replaying. I watch it over and over again, and the memories I was so desperate to learn about are about to lead me down a destructive path. Alexander changed me. Stole me, then my mother. He didn’t even allow her to walk away with her dignity. Instead, he dragged her away by her hair like she was a toy he could dispose of.

No matter how many times I watch the memory, I hope it will change. I try to will it to, but each time she kneels beside me, her lips move silently and quickly, creating the first hybrid anchor and changing the trajectory of my life forever.

Nadiya moves closer to me, her concern loud in her mind as she shuts down the memory. She steps in front of me then slowly squats down, looking me in my eyes. I don’t return her attention. I retreat to the back of my mind, Alexander’s last words echoing in my ears.

He wanted me alone.

He wanted me desperate.

He wanted me to rely on him in every aspect of my vampiric life.

I can’t help but wonder how pissed off he is knowing that even though I might’ve been lonely and desperate, I never gave him a chance.

Nadiya grabs my chin gently and turns my head so I look at her. Her doll-like features are pulled into a frown, sadness coating them to a point I almost feel bad for her. Before I can tell her not to worry, she pulls me in tightly. Her body weight pressing on top of me brings me back to reality. I’m not in that situation anymore, and I’m not some frail, scared kid with no means to defend myself. I was loved.

I return Nadiya’s hug, my face buried in her neck. The more I see the room I spent my last moments in, the deeper I retreat into my own mind.

“I was loved. I was given a fair warning. I wasn’t supposed to be changed. I was stolen, coveted like a trophy because of a fucking bond.” My muffled words leak out of me.

My eyes close, and the darkness feels safe. My mind doesn’t focus on my memories but to the odd family I created in such a short amount of time. All of us are the complete opposite of each other. Their faces replace the darkness: Everett, Constantine—even Benny—and Bunny. I can’t focus on what could have been anymore, which is what Bunny has been saying all along. Sometimes ignorance is bliss, because the truth just hurts too much.

Nadiya pulls away to help me up. Before I can delve into my own embrace of self pity, she smiles brightly. “So, what’s the plan? What’s our next move?”

The day of the attack on the school, Alexander sent me home. He knew something was happening, that something was coming. Bunny didn’t tell him, I know that for sure. Alexander had to be working with the humans, or at least one of the people who called in the attack.

“Alexander isn’t smart enough to do any of this by himself. Onyx isn’t human, but he’s not a vampire, either. So how did he reach such a high political rank while also concealing his true nature? That’s the magic question.”

We’re silent for a moment, both of us searching our minds for any information that may be deemed useful in Onyx’s case. I pace my old room, the rotted floors creaking with each step. My thoughts move in circles, not forming anything useful.

My focus shifts from my feet to the window that’s still there, open and missing a screen. Something that even without the knowledge I was given, I should’ve known better. I was a stupid kid, though. A stupid kid who thought they knew better—who thought sneaking out and making out with a cute guy was more important than my safety.

There’s something there that isn’t at all familiar. A scent left that even over time hasn’t disintegrated. I take a step forward, then another, until I’m standing next to the window. A brown stain catches my eye, and I move closer to it, the scent strong. Old blood. Right next to it are five deep tear marks that lead down the side of the house. That’s when I put the pieces together.

“Onyx is a damned werewolf.”

I turn and look at Nadiya who stands there in disbelief. She shakes her head and says, “That’s impossible. Werewolves have gone extinct.”