Page 79 of Lucky 22

“Exactly. Am I crazy to even be entertaining the possibilityof taking on a role that has the potential to be long-term?”

“Don’t you think he deserves to know? Or have a say in it?”

“I do, but…just not right now. I need to figure this out onmy own. What if I talk to him and it stresses him out, and he starts playingbadly? That would totally be my fault, and I am not going to be the reasonChristian breaks his streak or goes into a slump. I need to be a supportivewife and keep everything running smoothly for him.”

“Sunshine, you can have both,” she gently reminds me. “Itshouldn’t be that you’re only happy and supporting him when things are goinggreat for you. Marriage is twenty-four-seven. Not just on the good days, youneed to be all-in, even on the bad ones.”

“I am, but sometimes…it’s lonely. And…well, lately? It justfeels overwhelming. We were planning this amazing life, and so far, it’s been alot harder than I imagined.”

“Oh, darling, marriage is hard. And these hard times willmake the two of you stronger, as long as you lean on each other. When yourfather and I moved to Florida, we had three kids under the age of four. Yourdad worked two jobs, and he was barely ever home. I was a young mother with anewborn, two toddlers, and no help. I always felt overwhelmed and off balance,but we made it through. You kids turned out pretty darn great, and your fatherand I are still happily married. But we made it through because we’re a team.”

Wow, no one can drop a truth bomb like my mom.

“But not telling your husband how you feel is wrong. I getthat you don’t want to distract him because he’s in baseball mode, but justlike you’re having to learn how to be a wife to a baseball player, he needs tolearn how to be a husband to an actress. Again, marriage is twenty-four-seven.It doesn’t have a season.”

Dang it. She’s right.

The announcement comes over the intercom that my flight isboarding shortly, so I need to get ready.

“That’s the call for my flight, Mom. I love you. Thank youfor the advice and for listening to me.”

“Always, sweet girl. Always.”

“I love you.”

“Love you, too. Have a safe flight and give Christian ourbest.”

“I will. I’ll text you when I land.”

“That’s my girl.”

We say our goodbyes, and then I’m standing, stretching, andgathering up my stuff. I’m a pro at traveling now. I almost never have to checka bag, and I carry only the necessities in my carry-on. Still, I’ve got mysnacks and magazines, and I’m good to go home.

Home.

I guess I’m starting to look at St. Louis as home.Christian’s contract is for three years, and who knows where we’ll go fromthere?

Suddenly, I realize I don’t know either. It hits me that I’malmost afraid to think in terms of where I want us to be because it can allchange at a moment’s notice.

Will they extend his contract? Will he get traded somewhereelse? Do I have a preference?

Nope.

At least not one I’m allowing myself to entertain. There’sno need for me to get my hopes up.

But no matter where the future takes us, I see myself withChristian.

I just hope I find the right time and the courage to talk tohim about all the things I’m struggling with.

ChapterFourteen

Christian picks me up at the airport, and he lookstired. Like more tired than I’ve ever seen him. I didn’t notice it when I gotinto the car because it was dark out, but once we step into our apartment and Ireally take a good look at him, I know something’s wrong.

“Are you okay?” I ask, my hands gently caressing his face,my heart filled with concern.

“What? Yeah. I’m good. I’ve just got a headache.”

Two days ago, he played a game in Philly, and as he wassliding into second base, the second baseman’s knee accidentally smashed him inthe head, hitting him hard on the right temple. I didn’t see the game, but hetold me about it when we spoke that night.