Page 115 of Love’s Silver Bullet

“Well, no offense to your mother, son, but if it’s all the same to you, I’d like you to talk to a doctor friend of mine in Carson City, who just so happens to specialize in psychiatry. I think he could give you more insight into whether your fears are well-founded or not as well as help you sort out the traumas of your past. Would you consider that, Jake?”

Mouth compressed, Jake gave a curt nod.

“Good. I’ll have my secretary make the appointment and reserve a round-trip ticket for you on the V&T, all right?”

“Yes, sir.”

“So, Jake,” Finn began again, leaning back in his chair once more with a pensive look and arms crossed, “I assume we can establish you no longer see Sheridan as a little sister, but as a woman you’re attracted to, correct?”

Heat blasted Jake’s cheeks as he looked away. “Yes, sir.”

“And I know for a fact that an age difference of say, eight years between a man and a woman is no deterrent to a good marriage, at least based on Pastor and Mrs. Poppy, who frankly, had the best marriage I know. Would you agree?”

Jake rubbed the back of his neck, wondering why in the devil it was so hot in here. “I guess.”

“Good.” Finn nodded. “Because that covers four of the problems Sheridan mentioned regarding your reluctance to pursue your feelings for her—the physical and the mental, correct?”

“I … suppose.” He glanced up. “If the specialist can assure me that there’s no danger to Sheridan in having”—his Adam’s apple hitched at the very thought—“my children.”

“Agreed. But that still leaves one major problem area, son, which can, in fact, negate all the others.”

Jake looked up, eyes in a squint. “And what’s that, sir?”

Finn’s vest rose and fell in a quiet sigh as he met Jake’s gaze with a frank one of his own. “The spiritual aspect to all of this,” he said quietly, the question in his eyes so intense, that Jake was tempted to look away. “Now, I’ve always believed you to be one of the finest men I know, Jake, and I thought your faith ran deep like my own, so you’ll forgive me, son, if I have to ask”—he dipped his head to probe Jake with a penetrating stare, seconds ticking by like an oil-greased fuse burning its way to one dandy of a blast as he took his sweet old time with a real slow blink.

“Do you believe in God?”

CHAPTER SEVENTY-FIVE

Heat flashed from the top of Jake’s head to the soles of his feet and back, pert near scorching both his body and his temper, something few people ever triggered.

Ignoring the pain, he struggled to sit up, wincing as he pulled a tattered Bible from beneath his pillow. He tossed it on his bed for Finn to see. Breathing hard, he finally sagged against the wooden headboard. “Of course I believe in God, Finn. What the devil kind of question is that?”

Finn eyed him with a pensive look, gaze flicking from Jake to the Bible, upon which Jake’s hand now trembled on top. “And His Word?”

“Yes, dad-gum-it,” he bit out, remembering all too well how Sister Fred forever changed his life with the faith she’d taught from the Bible, his one life line to sanity that he’d kept under his pillow every night ever since.

“I thought so.” He idly scratched the back of his neck. “So, I guess I can’t help but wonder, son,” he said slowly, his gaze needling in once again, “how your past squares with the Word of God, which says ‘if any man be in Christ, he is a new creature: old things are passed away; behold, all things are become new, 2 Corinthians 5:17-18.”

Jake shifted in the bed, not comfortable with Finn’s line of questioning.

“Because,” Finn continued, “Sheridan seems to think there are some ‘old things’ you’re holding onto, Jake, that pose an even bigger threat to your soul than your past does to your mind.”

“I’ve repented for my past, sir, if that’s what you’re asking.”

“Oh, I have no doubt about that.” Finn’s smile was laced with affection. “The caliber of man you are today speaks for itself.”

He paused for several seconds, as if reflecting on something far away. “A long time ago, Pastor Poppy taught me that the word ‘repentance’ in the Bible is a Greek word that means ‘change of mind.’ Making a decision to turn around and face a new direction, to literally ‘turn toward the light,’ and you have certainly done that, son.”

A slow, reedy thread of relief seeped through Jake’s lips while Finn repositioned to face him more casually. Hunched with elbows propped to his knees, he folded his hands on which to rest his chin. “You already know the Bible teaches that Jesus is the Light of the World, son, a Light that illuminates our lives, helping us to see—and live—more clearly. And yet, our shadow is always behind us, Jake, looming larger than it actually is.”

Finn peered up with compassion. “So, if we continually look over our shoulder, fixing our gaze more on the shadow than the light … we can’t see our life or the people in it clearly because they’re obscured by darkness.”

He lifted his shoulders slightly, the action almost impassive. “Suddenly we’re disconnected and alone in the dark, and you and I both know,” he said quietly, his smile kind, “that God’s Word says, ‘it’s not good for man to be alone’ because He’s ‘called us out of darkness into his marvelous light.’”

Averting his gaze, Jake gave a slow nod. He’d felt that marvelous light himself from the first moment He’d begun living for God. His mouth compressed. Until he tasted the forbidden fruit and fallen in love with Finn’s niece.

“What I’m trying to say, Jake,” Finn said, his tone soft and low, “is that we can’t grab onto the future, son, until we let go of the past.”