Page 210 of Ex Somnis

Lucien holds up his hand to shake.

“Now that I gave you what you wanted, it’s your turn. Come and stay forever in elsewhere with me, Lenny. Make a soul contract with me.”

My heart is slamming so hard I can feel it in my teeth. His hand is there, waiting patiently, and I have never in my life been this afraid of anything as small as a hand.

The plan is dead. I know it in my gut. He was supposed to pick wrong. He was supposed to guess and miss and seal a contract that wouldn’t take. Instead, he looked straight through all five of us and reached for me, leaving no trick to hide behind.

Because he didn’t choose Tessa, he chose me, knowing whose soul he was choosing.

His smile turns even brighter when he sees the realization land. I said it myself. He didn’t really want Tessa, the same way she didn’t really want him.

He just doesn’t want to be alone.

That’s the whole point of this, isn’t it? It’s why I came here in the first place, driving across the country.

But his promises are gone. Tessa could leave here and wake up.

Hell, I could turn and leave, too, but none of what we did took that loneliness out of him, and him out of the dark. He’s still here. Still in a different league than all of us combined. Still able to walk into any dream he wants, uninvited, the way he’s done for years with Paul’s nightmares, Ridge’s trauma, and Nevan’s dangerous sleepwalks.

Releasing the promises didn’t make him gone. It made him come loose.

We could wake up. We could all claw our way to the surface right now and open our eyes in the waking world.

And then, for the rest of our lives, he would follow us to bed.

Haunting and torturing us every single night.

Paul’s paralysis. Ridge trapped, crushed under that log.

And Nevan.

He would strike Nevan first. I know it in my soul. We would all stay awake for days, fearing sleep, until we finally succumbed, and Nevan would be his first target. Windows, traffic, and bodies of water.

So many places he could send Nevan that could harm him or worse.

Waking up doesn’t end him. Waking up only postpones him.

There’s only one thing that ever settles a man like this, and Seraphine told me what it was without me understanding I was being told.

“Everything costs something.”

The single thing he’s ever wanted is for someone to choose to stay in paradise with him. Give him that, and he stops reaching and hunting. He simply stops.

He doesn’t want Tessa anymore because even he noticed that deep down, she didn’t want to stay. Not really. So, he stripped off my mask and reached for me.

“Sometimes we have to sacrifice ourselves for the people we love.”

I traveled three thousand miles to get to my best friend, and the bill for setting her free is my whole life.

I almost laugh.

I’ve already decided to make that sacrifice once, haven’t I?

So why does it feel so much harder now?

I can feel my men’s eyes on me. I can feel them waiting for me to make a move so we can get the fuck out of here, but I don’t turn around because if I see their faces, I won’t be able to do this.

I think about my mother. About the lemon cake, the shoebox of cards, and the fact that now, I will never get to be done grieving her, because you have to be awake to finish a thing like that.