Page 211 of Ex Somnis

I think about the kitchen in the inn with the steel counter I run my hand along to make sure the world is solid. I think about the restaurant notebook. About how Nevan said the inn’s restaurant could be ours. Whatever you want it to be, with whoever you want, as long as you’re here.

As long as I’m here.

I think about how, last night, lying on Ridge’s chest with all three of them breathing around me, I let myself think the words.

Maybe after, I can have the life of my dreams.

The life of my dreams.

What a thing to almost have.

If I stay, they all go home. Ridge wakes up and writes his terrible romance. Paul gets to keep the lights on in a house that isn’t empty. Nevan gets the inn. Jasper gets his brother. Tessa gets Derek.

And I’ll be here.

But I’ll be fine.

I held my mother’s whole death in my hands without breaking, so I can hold this. I can be the one who pays. I’m good at being the one who takes care of it.

I’ve been practicing my entire life.

“Sometimes we have to sacrifice ourselves for the people we love.”

I’ve been doing that my whole life, too, haven’t I?

I take a deep breath and square my shoulders.

Lucien smiles down at me, and for once, there’s nothing wrong in it at all. For once, he looks like a lonely man who built something beautiful and has been waiting a very long time for someone to choose to stay in it with him.

“It will be good, Lenny,” he says softly, meaning it. “I promise you. It will be more than good. You will learn to love it.”

I don’t want to think that, so I think about them instead.

Ridge, who crossed a hall for me.

Paul, who waited years for me.

Nevan, who made me smile again.

Tessa, who let Derek hold her hand.

Our future together. All the dinners we were going to have, gathered around Paul’s table with laughter and love.

They’ll wake up and be safe. Every one of them. And they’ll stay safe for good. Not only for tonight, but forever, because Lucien will have what he has always wanted. He’ll have no reason left to come for any of them.

Lucien knows my soul. He knows exactly who I am, which means when I put my hand in his, it will hold, it will take, it will be real, permanent, and done.

Good.

Let it hold.

Let them be free of him.

He can take my forever, but he’ll never understand what I’m giving it up for.

I grasp his hand.

CHAPTER THIRTY-THREE