Page 18 of Born to be Wilder

Anything else.

Nothing.

Nada.

Zilch.

His naked form beneath his coat was fully on display as he strolled toward us with a grin. “Teresa said she gave you all permission to take some photos on account of the…”—he paused, his lips pressing into that sympathetic smile—“cancer. Sorry to hear it. My wife went through it too. Five-year survivor.”

He flexed an arm as he smiled proudly, but the movement opened his coat more, giving us a better view of his completely exposed wiener.

Doris’s hands flew to her eyes as she spun around. “Oh, heavens to Betsy!” she whispered in horror.

The rest of us stood frozen, trying to process this strange development while keeping our faces as neutral as possible, which we were all failing at in equal measure.

He reached us and smiled pleasantly, hand extended for the phone. “I’m Gerald. Happy to get a shot of all of you together.”

Marge recovered first. “Hi, Gerald. Is there a reason you, uh… you don’t have… that you… I think you forgot something there, buddy.” She waved a finger in the general direction of his junk. “Pants. You forgot your pants, pal.”

He didn’t even look down, just shrugged. “This is a nudist resort. I’m sorry, I thought you realized that.”

Slowly, Alice and Marge swiveled their heads toward me, accusatory eyes meeting mine.

I defended myself against the wordless accusation. “I didn’t know!”

“Oh, jeez.” Gerald laughed. “Yes. This whole place is a nudist resort. Packed to the brim in the summer, but in winter it’s pretty slow on account of the cold. Pretty nice today, though.” He gestured up toward the sun trying to peek through the clouds. “Been a long winter. I am so glad to get some fresh air today.”

And so can your dick, apparently, I thought but managed not to say.

“Wow.” I struggled to speak. “I didn’t catch the part about the nudist resort on the tourist site I saw about the sundial. I’m so sorry for our shocked expressions. We just, uh, we weren’t expecting this.”

“It happens more than you’d realize.” He laughed, making no attempt to cover himself. “No big deal. Did you want that photo of the four of you? I’m happy to take it.”

I kept my eyes focused on his, staring so hard I realized I had stopped blinking. “That would be great. Thank you.”

“Of course.” He accepted the phone and took a step back. “Here good?”

“Doris, you need to turn around,” Alice whispered.

“I can’t look at another man’s…”—she lowered her voice—“weenie!”

“You’re making it weird,” Marge said from the corner of her mouth as she smiled at Gerald. “Turn around and smile, Doris.”

“Oh, I can’t! No! It’s not decent.”

I grabbed her by the shoulders, and she shrieked as I spun her around. We squished her between us, holding her still as we smiled.

“Cheese!” the three of us said together as we stared at the mostly naked man before us. Doris’s voice was absent as she stood with her eyes squeezed shut, body stiff as a board.

Gerald took the photo, and two more to be safe. Then he handed the phone back to Marge with a nod.

“Enjoy the rest of your visit. And good luck with the cancer battle. You’ve got this.” He flexed again, then casually strolled back toward the building, as if taking photos of us while he was nude was completely normal.

Though I supposed at a nudist resort, it was.

Nobody spoke until the door clicked shut behind him.

Then very quietly, Alice said, “You brought us to a nudist colony, Sylvie? Seriously?”