Page 10 of No Bones About It

I half expect him to move or wink or do something, but he doesn’t. I can’t help the sliver of disappointment at his lack of a response. Maybe it was all in my head.

“It’s ok, big guy. There’s a lot of people here.” I pat his tibia reassuringly.

I sneak back into the house and tuck my notes for tonight into my purse, then head back out the front door, making sure to lock it behind me.

So far, the crowd is staying respectfully on the sidewalk and standing along the fence that borders my yard, but Autumn Acres has never been quite so popular.

A cheer goes up at my appearance, and I feel my cheeks heat at being the center of so much attention. At the end of my driveway stands a group of young women, all in matching black shirts that say, “Spooky Bitches for Bonejangles.”

“Tori,” one of them waves at me. “Over here.”

This seems as good of a place as any to start, so I go up to her and say, “Uh, hi. Can I ask what this is all about?”

She wrinkles her nose at me. “You don’t know?”

“I mean, I’m guessing this about the HOA meeting tonight, but who are all these people, and how did they find out?”

Another one of the “Spooky Bitches” gives me a sweet smile and says, “Honey, you’re viral.”

“Viral?” I parrot back. “Like on the internet?

They all laugh together, and at first I bristle. But they’re not laughing at me. They seem genuinely delighted. One of them holds out her phone and says, “Here, look.”

I watch the first few videos and can’t help but laugh. Not only are there millions of views and thousands of supportive comments on mine, but there are stitches of people going on tirades about fun, Halloween, and minding your own business. It seems lots of people are tired of the Loises of the world.

“So, everyone is here to support me?” I ask, voice husky with emotion. I never dreamed I would get this kind of response.

“I mean, not quite everyone,” one of them says, nodding her head over her shoulder. I look across the street to see a few dour-faced people staring down the gathering crowd.

The leader of the group puts her hand on my shoulder and smiles at me. “But most of us. Besides, our group has the fun signs.”

“And the T-shirts,” I acknowledge.

Smiling, she says, “I’m Dawn. We made one for you, too.”

She hands me a shirt, and I pull it on over my outfit. I’m sure the HOA will love this.

Dawn takes a megaphone from someone and starts shouting directions. “Alright Spooky Bitches, take your positions!”

“Wait, what?” I ask as the crowd starts moving into action.

Dawn points out a couple of beefy guys. “That’s the skeleton guard. They’re setting up a perimeter to make sure no one messes with BJ while you’re gone. The folks that started walking already? That’s BJ’s army. They’re going to walk to the HOA meeting and stand outside as a show of force. And the five of us are the cheerleaders. We’re here to give you support, grab anything you might need, and be your general badass backup bitches.”

“Aye, aye, Captain,” I joke lamely. I can’t find the words to thank her. To thank all of them.

She sees my eyes shining and elbows me with a smile as she lifts the megaphone again and says, “Move out, bitches!”

The crowd moves, and the spooky club sweeps me along with them. I had been dreading the solo walk to the Autumn Acres clubhouse. Did not want to walk into the room and face Lois and her cronies alone. And now I don’t have to.

My steps falter. “But Dawn, you have to be a resident to attend the meetings.”

“Well,” she says, taking my elbow and bringing me back in step along with her. “We technically are. We’re all in college together, and our parents live here.”

“Oh,” I reply, surprised.

Another one nods and says, “I’m Frankie. I’m a marketing major, and I’m doing my internship with the city. I keep all the local neighborhoods on my radar, so when this hit my feed, I called Dawn immediately. This is clearly a case for the Spooky Bitches.”

“I’m sorry, but who exactly are the Spooky Bitches?” I can’t help but ask. Partially out of curiosity and partially because my heart is getting ready to beat out of my chest the closer we get to the HOA meeting.