Page 98 of All Tied Up

But he hadn’t anticipated Jamie and Sebastian, either. As Jamie had told him on the first day, there were a lot of different ways that relationships could look.

Jamie finally looked up at him. “So you really don’t think I was jealous?”

“Were you jealous when you saw Sebastian playing with me on the porch? Or when I was kneeling in his office?”

“Not at all,” Jamie answered immediately. “I was mostly turned on. And happy that both of you looked so happy.”

Neil stroked through the soft strands of his hair. “I think that’s your answer then.”

“Huh.” Jamie pondered for a lot longer. “It’s still a lot to expect another boy to share my Daddy with me.”

Just hearing that made Neil’s heart hurt. No, he wanted to say. I would give anything for that.

Instead, he tried to keep things more general, though he didn’t know if he succeeded. “I can’t speak for everyone, but… I came here looking for a Daddy and hadn’t even thought about anything with another boy until I met you. But what you and Sebastian have is just so… natural and beautiful. I don’t understand how anyone wouldn’t want to be a part of it.”

Neil struggled to find the words for everything he wanted to say. “You make everything more instead of less. I mean, maybe it’s because I already met you together, but I can already tell you that your Daddy has more than enough affection for two boys. I can also tell that you have enough affection for your Daddy and another boy. Letting me be even a little part of your relationship this week was better than anything I ever dreamed of. So just… know that this week meant a lot to me, and a huge part of it was because of you.”

More words remained locked behind his lips. Keep me. Love me. Don’t make me leave. Let me be a part of this forever. But he wasn’t going to say them. For Jamie, this wasn’t about Neil at all. It was about getting his self-confidence back, and maybe one day finding someone when he’d healed from the trauma that Henri had inflicted.

“You really think that?” Jamie asked, his emerald eyes locking with Neil’s.

“Yeah. I do. I mean, you always talk about your Daddy when you’re with me. But you were the one who started flirting with me when I was so overwhelmed I could barely walk in the door. And you were the one who’s made me laugh more in the past week than I have for years. I don’t even need to tell you how gorgeous you are, because I’m sure you know. I mean, I still think you’re way out of my league.”

Jamie squinted at him. “Have you forgotten something?”

“Um… something in particular?”

Jamie patted his knee, the square outline of the mechanical joint under the blanket. “A lot of people see this and can’t handle it. I mean, usually no one’s outright rude. But when there’s a choice between me and someone else, they go for the guy who doesn’t walk funny, you know? People give me extra space out in public like I have something contagious and they’re going to catch it. Or strangers want to know ‘what happened.’ Even the people who say they’re OK with it usually aren’t when it actually comes to sex.” Jamie’s eyes were blazing when he eventually paused for breath. “Actually, now I kind of wonder why you’ve been so casual about it.”

“Oh, uh,” Neil hadn’t been expecting to have this conversation now, on top of everything else. “I just thought that was basic human decency and the awareness that most people have disabilities at some point in their life, even if they’re not visible. But I suppose that’s partially because my aunt used forearm crutches her whole life because of a nerve disorder. She used to live with us, and I’ve definitely seen people be rude to her in all sorts of ways. When people asked ‘what happened,’ she used to tell them that she could walk, but she was carrying a sword in one crutch and a rifle in the other. Then someone took her seriously and alerted a restaurant manager, so she started telling people she was a zombie and her decaying limbs were starting to fall off.”

Jamie finally laughed. “I wish I could meet her. I tell people I was held down and attacked by a horde of rabid squirrels.”

“Oooh… that’s good. Graphic, but good.” Just what Neil would have expected Jamie to say. “My aunt would have loved you.” He sighed. “I miss her a lot.”

“Oh is she… I mean…”

Neil took a moment to replay the sentence. “Oops. I didn’t mean to make it sound like she died or anything. Aunt Maddie’s alive and well. When I was nine, she got married and moved to Nashville. I was upset for a long time because she was more of a parent to me than my actual parents are. Not that they were neglectful, but she was home all the time while they worked, and she really took the time to listen to me.”

“It sounds like she was really special.”

Neil hummed in agreement. It had been so long since he’d talked to Aunt Maddie. He should call her when he got home. So many important things had slipped to the wayside when he got busy with work, but he wanted to change that.

There was a long pause, and then Jamie finally asked, “You’re still not going to ask me ‘what happened?’”

Neil shrugged. “I figured this was the conversation where you would tell me if you wanted to. Otherwise it’s not my business.”

“Thank you. I had a bone tumor when I was a kid. I spent two years going through chemo and radiation. It was horrific. When it still didn’t go away my parents and the doctors asked if I wanted to have an amputation. They mentioned it almost as something they weren’t really considering, but I was so sick of feeling nauseous and exhausted all the time. It meant I’d be out of the hospital and able to play again. My parents wanted to think longer about it, but I begged for it until they gave in and scheduled it about two weeks later. I was six years old, and I haven’t regretted it for a single day.”

“That sounds horrible to go through, but I can just imagine little Jamie knowing exactly what he wanted and doing everything he needed to get his way. I hope you know that I’m constantly in awe of you. I mean, you’re this strong, brilliant person, and you’re like a mountain goat when you climb.”

“Well, I’ll take the mountain goat compliment but… God, this got really intense all of a sudden. Sorry for dumping all of that on you. It’s supposed to be our last afternoon of kinky fun, not a therapy session.”

Neil tugged at Jamie’s hair until they were facing each other. “Don’t apologize. I like getting to know you. I like you. You have a super-powered goat foot for climbing mountains. And if I meet this guy Henri in a dark alley I’ll… threaten to sue him or something.”

That got a real laugh out of Jamie. “Well, thank you for listening, then.”

“Thank you for trusting me.”