Page 7 of A Little Bit Naughty

“Huh. That’s really cool. Most of the chemistry I understand is human chemistry. Like electrolyte imbalances or metabolic disorders. But will you tell me about it?”

Surprised, Remi found himself explaining his research in much more detail. Isaac’s questions were on point, not too different from Remi’s college students’ with a year or two of basic chemistry under their belts. On the other hand, Remi didn’t know a thing about medicine. It was fun just meeting someone who was interested in his work and could follow the conversation.

Isaac’s physical therapist program sounded demanding and stimulating, clearly everything that Isaac loved. Remi hadn’t realized until then that a doctorate was required for the practice, or just how much PTs had to know about so many parts of the human body. Isaac had already taken several courses on neuroscience, and it was fascinating how he traced the pathways from slight chemical imbalances between synapses to disorders that impacted systems throughout the body.

After that, they drifted into talking about their lives. Isaac was on a pick-up soccer team and Remi reminisced fondly about playing basketball before his injury. Isaac lived in a tiny apartment that he used to share with Tommy, though he now lived with another roommate. Remi got to wax poetic about the ramshackle house he was slowly renovating and restoring. He hired out contractors for most of it, but there were little bits of the work that he could do himself.

By the time they reached the end of the trail, Remi was certain that there wasn’t just a spark between them, but maybe a real connection.

He was acutely aware of where Isaac was at all times, the way that he’d bounce ahead when he saw something interesting or pause to appreciate something beautiful. Sometimes he would walk closer to Remi, so near that their arms almost rubbed together.

Remi grew warm at just the thought of a touch.

They paused at the overlook and Remi wished he knew Isaac well enough to take a picture. The boy was standing with his feet on the lowest rung on the metal fence, back arched as he swung between one hand and the other. He’d lift each hand, letting himself fall back, only to catch himself at the last minute with the other. He looked entirely relaxed and playful, like anything he encountered could become a climbing toy.

Set against the backdrop of the towering pines and rushing river, Remi couldn’t believe how lucky he was. Or at least he hoped he would be. Isaac was a very attractive man, and he’d be adorable as a little.

Isaac pulled out his phone to take a few photos of the area and then they wandered back together, still chatting.

There was a lull in the conversation, and Isaac asked, “Are you out at work?”

That was an easy one. “As being gay? Absolutely. I have a rainbow flag on my office door. I’d probably be more quiet about it in another profession, but as an instructor, I want queer students to know that I’m there. Actually, I want not queer students to know that I’m there as well. You know, that I’m just another faculty member who happens to be gay.”

“That’s kind of amazing, actually. I hadn’t thought of it that way. Do a lot of queer students come to you for support?”

“I get a few every year who need someone to talk to. I’d say there’s a larger group of students who mention it casually, like ‘my boyfriend and I are going to the movies’ type stuff, which I think is still affirming. And once or twice a year I’ll get a kid who tells me I’m the first gay person they’ve met, which obviously isn’t true, but I’m the first one they know about. And that’s where their journey starts.”

Isaac nodded, thinking about it. “How about trans students?”

“Hmmm… I have maybe one trans student in my classes every year or so. Oh, and one of my TAs last year was genderqueer and used they/them pronouns. We have a few trans faculty and staff in other departments at the university, so I think the students go to them first if they want advice. Or the LGBTQ Center, I suppose. I’ve been to a few events there and I know they have meetings for trans students.”

The lodge appeared up ahead, and they paused together. Remi certainly wasn’t ready to let Isaac slip away, so he was happy to chat at the trailhead for as long as Isaac wanted to.

Isaac, though, had his hands clenched together. Was he nervous about something? He’d been swinging his arms a moment ago, so seeing him still seemed to signal that something was wrong.

“Everything OK?” Remi asked gently.

“Well…” Isaac pulled out the word. “There’s something you should know. If you’re, um, thinking about being my Daddy for the weekend.”

Remi gave him an encouraging nod. He couldn’t imagine much that would change his course, but whatever it was seemed important to Isaac.

“I’m trans.”

Remi couldn’t help but give him a quick once-over. Should he have known that? Isaac was a little shorter than most guys and his face was a bit rounder, giving him a younger look—both of which Remi found attractive. The scruff on his chin was sparse and he perhaps, perhaps had a rounder ass than some—again, more than sexy. “I never would have guessed,” Remi found himself saying. Isaac seemed all-masculine to him. In an adorable, baby boy way. “You look all male to me.”

Isaac scrunched up his face.

“Sorry, was that rude? I just… Sorry. I was just surprised. It’s a lot to take in. God, that was probably rude, too.” He was screwing this up big time. It was just… having a student who was trans was actually pretty different from someone he was attracted to. Even though he knew it shouldn’t be. Dammit.

It seemed like such a huge piece of information to suddenly know about Isaac, a life-altering realignment of everything he assumed about who he was and what they might be together. Which was ridiculous. And he knew it. It really shouldn’t matter at all.

It mattered, though. He just wasn’t sure how. He was suddenly revisiting any scrap he’d heard about Isaac’s childhood and wondering things about his slight Adam’s apple and the wisps of hair on his chin. He thought that they’d still be compatible in bed, but what if he didn’t know what to do? Dozens of questions churned in his head, and he was pretty sure that he shouldn’t ask any of them.

He knew he didn’t have an issue with Isaac being trans. He shouldn’t even be thinking about it. With a student he would have shrugged and made sure they felt safe on campus if that seemed like an issue, then gone back to talking about the chemistry assignment. With Isaac it felt… big.

And now he’d fucked things up by speaking his thoughts aloud, even though he meant to give a compliment.

Isaac sighed, like he’d been through this before. “Saying that you couldn’t tell I’m trans isn’t the rudest thing you could say, and I know you weren’t trying to be rude. Some people probably wouldn’t mind it. But it has a lot of implications. First, it implies that there’s some external authority over who gets to be male or female, and that you’re in a position to guess rather than just respecting how I identify. And second, saying that I look male implies that some bodies are more innately male than others, rather than acknowledging that there’s a range of body types that are all male.”