Page 29 of The History in Us

“I found a babysitter. Turns out my landlord, Mrs. Hubbard, has a daughter.”

The thought of another woman babysitting AJ and receiving payment with a kiss made my skin crawl. My fingers fumbled in my lap as my eyes lowered. I nodded.

“She’s sixteen.”

My head shot up and those dark eyes danced. His smile grew slowly, and I realized this was a genuine smile, not the too-large, extra wide, frozen stance of his mouth flashing white teeth. This smile teased and tickled. I couldn’t help but smile back.

“So honestly, what do you need help with here?”

“I need help with my emotions.” I snorted softly at the admission. His head swung back to the computer screen, avoiding my sudden stare. The tone of his voice told me he was serious, in more ways than one. His fingers posed over the keys. His chest rose and fell with the exertion of a deep breath, but his eyes shifted sideways to glance at me.

“Where do you want to start?”

“I guess I should start at the beginning.” We both watched his screen. Then he typed.

I met a girl who wasn’t for me. She was everything I thought I wanted and nothing that I needed. Then she got pregnant. I asked her to marry me because it seemed the right thing to do. She left me.

I stared at the words. Somehow, I sensed Levi’s story didn’t start or end with such abrupt finality. I read the lines again.

“How long has it been?”

“Sixty-three days.” He shrugged.Sixty three days? That was like two months. Oh my God, he’d kissed me roughly within those meremonthsafter she’d left. He wasn’t only drunk, he was…he was…I don’t even know what. I swallowed back the lump in my throat and phrased the only question that came to me.

“How did that make you feel?” He turned to me and burst out laughing. The frozen smile returned; his teeth too bright, his jaw tight.

“Like shit.” He huffed like Nate only in a more manly-upset-sarcastic tone versus Nate’s I’m-not-getting-my-way puff of air.

“I’m sorry,” I offered.

“Don’t. Don’t be sorry. This is my life—shit.” Startled by his words, I sat back in my chair, crossing my arms and staring at him.

“Why would you say such a thing?”

He shifted further in his seat, his body positioned to face mine

“I know nothing about being a father. I proposed to my friend-with-benefits and she left me with a kid. He’s crying all the time. I have no idea if he can hear me. I can’t secure daycare and I live off a…I have means, but I need to start thinking about a job and I don’t know what I want to do.”

“For starters, you just said you got a sitter.”

“For tonight.” He snorted.

“Why?”

“Because I wanted to see you.” My breath hitched as my heart sprinted and a tingly sensation raced between my thighs.

“But you’re involved.” Logic dropped the hammer and all pulsing areas halted. He waved a hand dramatically at the computer. “I just told you, she left me.”

I shook my head. “That doesn’t mean it’s over.”

“What doesleavingtypically mean?” he snapped. I didn’t have a direct answer. When my mother left my father, she never looked back, but then he met Emily, and when she left, she returned for him. And me. A few months wasn’t enough time to sever a relationship, and the fact he knew the exact number of days proved he wasn’t over the mother of his child.

“She could come back,” I offered, but my voice lowered with the thought. Our eyes locked for a second, and the strangest feeling encapsulated me, pulling me to Levi by an invisible string. My hands gripped the sides of my chair, but I sensed my body leaning toward him.

“I don’t want her to.” His voice lowered, calling out to me with different words. His presence filled my space, my head, my heart. How could we be leaning into one another when we were discussing his ex-lover, the mother of his child?