Page 48 of After Care

My neck was tugged back and his mouth crashed against mine. The kiss was desperate. A farewell, and a remember-me, and a don’t-ever-forget-me, and I wanted to cry big buckets of tears. But I didn’t. I savored each pass of his tongue and the curve of his lips. There wasn’t a chance I’d ever forget him.

When we finally returned to the resort, I found Masie still napping despite the lateness of the day. Caleb remained at the bar watching football games, so when Tommy asked me to come to his room, I didn’t hesitate.

“I need a nap, beautiful,” he said, stripping off his T-shirt.

“Okay,” I said, thinking I’d misunderstood the invitation. I stood for the door, but he stopped me.

“Where you going?”

“Well, I thought if you wanted to sleep, I should go.” He chuckled as he tugged my own shirt over my head. “Or not,” I responded.

“Will you be comfortable in that?” he asked, implying my suit underneath. I wouldn’t actually, and I also felt like I needed a shower. Hiking, picnicking, having an orgasm in a car—it all made me sweaty.

“I need a shower,” I said after answering with a shake to his question.

“Nap first. Shower later,” he said, reaching for a clean T-shirt in a drawer and handing it to me. “Here.”

I undressed down to my bathing suit bottoms and tugged on the tee. It was two sizes too big, but comfy, and smelled of him. I sniffed the collar after climbing into his bed, and he wrapped around me. We lay only a few minutes in silence before I felt something press at my backside.

“Can’t seem to get enough of you today, darlin’, but I’m lazy.” His fingers slid between my thighs, and he stroked me again until I came. Then he slipped off his boxers and tugged one of my legs over his thigh. My back still remained on the bed as he lay on his side.

“Ever do it like this, darlin’?” Somehow, I knew he wasn’t looking for my sexual history, but more my permission to try this new angle.

“No,” I answered honestly. He scooted his body to line up his hard length with my wet entrance. One leg still over his thigh, he slid into me. The angle was different, the sensation unusual, but he filled me all the same. He scooted a little more so we were nearly at a right angle, and reached for my core, toying with me once again. He seemed to be waiting, holding off until I couldn’t take the pressure any longer.

“Tommy,” I hesitated, surprised with myself that another climax was building so soon. He strummed faster, and I reached for his waist, digging my nails into his side as I tried to meet his pace. I was a whirl of sensations, inside and out. Clenching around him, swallowing him deeply, I pressed upward, holding him into me. His hand reached across my waist and held me firmly to him as he pulsed within me.

We lay there, out of breath and energy, as he rested inside me, my leg still dangling over his hip. Suddenly, he perched up on an elbow.

“Shit,” he said, hastily pulling out of me. “I wasn’t wrapped.”

The haste of his movement and the crassness of his words startled me. Hadn’t we done it the previous night without anything? But then I realized his concern—He came inside me.

“I’m sure it’s fine,” I said, reaching out for his scruff-covered cheek, but the panic in his eyes told me my words did nothing for him. He gripped my wrist before I could touch him. Kissing my palm too quickly, he rolled away from me and shot off the bed. I slowly sat up having an image of him with a hundred other women, all rejected after he shot his load. He’d done the deed, gotten what he wanted, and split the scene. I didn’t like the vision nor the feeling that suddenly applied to myself.

He returned with a towel.

“I guess you should shower after all,” he suggested, his voice lower, and slightly colder than I’d heard before. There was no darlin’ or beautiful to accompany it.

“Can I shower here or should I go?” I asked, holding my breath with the question, and hating how weak I sounded. He twisted his lips and glanced away from me.

“I guess here is fine.” I didn’t like that answer, but I didn’t think my legs could carry me to my room quite yet, suddenly feeling too dirty to traipse the distance. I stood and entered the bathroom, locking the door behind me, willing myself not to cry until I entered the shower. Standing under the spray, I let the tears fall, ruining a perfectly nice day and a slew of sweet words that he never meant if he could dismiss me with his mistake. I washed quickly, knowing I’d wash again as soon as I returned to my rooms. I dressed in my own soiled clothes and found Tommy in bed, the blinds still drawn, and his back to the door. He snored.

I got the message and left.

+ + +

I returned to my room, and after I checked on Masie, I took a long shower despite the draw to my bed.

“You’ll have to fend for yourself for food tonight, honey,” I said, feigning a headache, as I’d lost my appetite around the time I lost Tommy.

She still looked a little green, and she shook her head to say she wasn’t hungry. She sat staring at the television set, but her eyes were dull. She wasn’t watching anything, just staring. She looked like I felt—dead inside. I took a Tylenol PM I found in my shower bag and climbed into bed.

+ + +

I’d slept through the night and woke to what I believed to be a new day, a new insight. It was a new year, after all, and I was cancer-free, but I didn’t feel the inspiration of a fresh start. I hadn’t heard from Tommy through the night, although I shouldn’t have been surprised. Moments before we left for the day, he texted me.

We should talk.