Page 56 of After Care

“I’d say…I could buy you another hour or so in bed.” It was a peace offering for borrowing his children for my own reasons this morning. I didn’t want to say farewell yet.

Ivy padded down the hall, a robe wrapped around her. “What’s all this?”

Gage turned to her. “Another hour in bed.” He rushed her, picking her up by lowering his shoulder into her stomach and carrying her caveman-style back to their bedroom.

Tommy and I exchanged a look before I laughed, shaking my head. Oh, to be so young again, I thought.

“Are you a grandma?” Emaline asked, and I smiled at the innocence of a four-year old.

“No, sweetheart. Caleb and Masie are my babies, all grown-up, but they don’t have any children, so I’m not a grandma yet.” Emaline looked at me, confused by the process, but Ava filled in for her sister.

“We don’t have any grandmas. Mommy’s mommy died and Daddy doesn’t talk to his. Tommy’s like a grandpa, though.” I looked at Tommy, whose face beamed with pride. His eyes lowered, but his smile said it all. He loved these girls like a grandfather.

“You could be our grandma,” Ava said, shrugging her shoulder, like what she suggested worked as easy as asking. Tommy’s eyes shot to mine.

“Well, I’d be honored to be your grandma, but it doesn’t work that way,” I said, not willing to tackle the complicated explanation of why I could not be her grandmother.

“Just saying,” Ava said, sounding wise beyond her years and equally innocent at the same time.

“Yeah, just saying,” Emaline repeated, brushing back her blonde curls. I shook my head with a chuckle, looking away from Tommy. Just saying, I’d welcome them with open arms in any capacity to be part of my family.

The door opened, and Petty walked in, followed by Jared.

“Pancakes?” Petty shouted in question, and reached out for me, embracing me in a fierce hug. Rocking me back and forth, he spoke over my head to Tommy. “Can I keep her, Tommy? Please, pretty, please.”

Tommy chuckled and then admonished him, “Get off my girl.” Petty released me and took a bite off Emaline’s plate.

“Hey, that was mine,” she whined, and Petty asked, “Want it back?” like the child he could be. He kissed her blonde head and moved to the coffee pot. Jared came up to me next, rubbed across my back, and kissed my cheek.

“Thanks, Edie,” he said, and I looked up to find eyes filled with a request for forgiveness. The fight from the other night was forgotten; he didn’t need to ask. I adored these young men.

Suddenly, I felt like I was at a play, the final curtain was falling and each of the main characters were taking a last bow. The performance was ready to end, and my heart cried out for an encore. I wanted more time with these amazing people. As if on cue, Gage and Ivy reentered the kitchen, freshly showered. Gage went to Ava first, kissing her head, before picking up Emaline and removing her from the stool. Ivy walked to me. Hugging me, she whispered, “Thank you,” and liquid filled my eyes. I pulled her tighter, blinking back the tears. How would I say goodbye to this sweet girl?

Releasing her, I stepped back to flip more pancakes. I’d already texted Masie and Caleb to join us, and I refused to look up when they entered. I couldn’t say goodbye to my growing children any more than I could separate from these strangers that had grown so important to me. But Masie was going to nursing school eventually, and Caleb would be leaving for spring training shortly after we returned home.

“You okay, darlin’?” Tommy asked at my side. I nodded without looking up at him. A thick finger tipped up my chin, forcing me to look at him. “Not yet, darlin’. Don’t go there yet.”

I nodded to agree but time was ticking. There wasn’t much longer to not go there, but I smiled weakly and returned to making pancakes.

+ + +

We spent the late morning and early afternoon at the pool, soaking in the final minutes of Hawaiian sunshine until the last possible moment. Caleb, Masie, and I had a later flight, but we still needed to shower and pack, return the rental car, and suddenly, a list of final details weighed on me.

“I think I’ll head up early,” I said, no longer able to sit still, and no longer able to prolong the inevitable. I collected my things and stood to slip on my cover-up.

I looked at Petty and Jared first. “It was a pleasure to meet you boys,” I said, nodding as they stared back at me. “Try to stay out of trouble.” Jared was the first to rouse from his questioning gaze and stood to hug me. Petty followed. West and Masie had gone for a walk, so I’d wish him well a little later. Ivy called Ava and Emaline to me, and I kissed them each on the head before telling them to be good girls for their mother. Gage surprised me, by enveloping me in a warm embrace. “Don’t say goodbye to her,” he whispered, and the concern in his dark eyes surprised me.

Ivy’s eyes filled when she stepped into me, as did mine.

“My beautiful new friend. Not goodbye,” I said. I pressed her back before she hugged me too hard, breaking me into a public display of sobs. Holding her at her shoulders, I gently shook her. “Not goodbye, right? You have my number and my email. You call me. I’d love to see you again.” She nodded, unable to speak as her eyes lowered.

“Not goodbye,” I whispered and tugged her to me. She returned the hug hard, and I willed myself not to shatter in front of them. I couldn’t look at Tommy. He’d already said he refused to say goodbye, but he’d meet us in the lobby to load our car. “See you in a bit,” I struggled to say, still refusing to look directly at him as I walked away.

+ + +

“Mom, what’s wrong?” Masie asked, as she banged on the bathroom door.

“Nothing,” I said, through choking sobs. “Nothing,” I tried again, focusing on steadying my voice. “Be out in a few minutes.”