Page 77 of After Care

“Want to move here?”

I tried to spin to face him, but he held me fast, my back still pressed against his chest. He didn’t allow me to look him in the eye to gauge the seriousness of his question. I twisted to look at him over my shoulder. “Why?”

He chuckled, his head shaking in the dark. “Always a question with a question.” I wanted to point out he sometimes avoided answers with that answer. His arms squeezed me, and his mouth lowered. Another too-brief kiss covered my neck.

“You’re igniting dreams I didn’t know could exist for me, Edie Williams.”

I giggled a little. “You’re quite the fantasy as well, Mr. Carrigan.”

He purred at my ear. “Speaking of fantasy…” His voice drifted as he shuffled behind me and stood. Reaching down for my hand, he tugged me upward as he bent forward to retrieve the blanket. He threw the blanket over the hood of his car and then spun me until I backed into the front bumper.

“Wha…” The word wasn’t completed before his mouth covered mine in that signature, capturing kiss. He gently pressed against my body, molding me to his as I lowered to the hood. Releasing my lips, he pulled back slightly as his hand travelled to the waist of my jeans.

“I want to make all your fantasies come true, darlin’,” he whispered, his voice not as playful as it typically was, but a combination of earnest and urgent. His fingers struggled with my jeans. The button. The zipper.

“What are you doing?” I chuckled as flutters tickled my belly.

“Fulfilling my own fantasy, beautiful.” His lips met mine, momentarily distracting me. He pulled back abruptly, working my jeans and underwear down to allow cool air to hit my thighs and a scratchy car blanket to tickle my backside. Fingers filled me, and I arched at the welcome intrusion. “Fuck, darlin’, this isn’t going to be enough.”

Releasing me quickly, leaving me empty, he wrestled my jeans to my ankles and then hastily undid his own jeans.

“Taking me on the hood of this car?” I questioningly muttered, my hazy memory recalling the flirtatious tease I threw out there when I first saw this beautiful convertible.

“Oh, I plan to, darlin’. On this car. In this car.” There was no time to clarify the specifics as he leaned forward and thrust into me. I moaned as I slid a little with the force, the blanket slipping beneath me on the smooth hood. “I plan to take you places you’ve never been.”

His mouth crushed mine, so I couldn’t tell him he’d already done that. He’d already taken me so many places I never dreamed I’d go, done so many things I only imagined doing. He’d been the adventure I never knew I’d have. Hawaii was a once in a lifetime experience, and so was Tommy Carrigan.

15

Extra surprised

By March, the winter weather was getting to me. I hadn’t seen Tommy in nearly a month. He travelled to Chicago a second time at the end of February, but the physical distance and longevity of time between visits continued to wear on me. He said I wasn’t alone, but I felt more alone knowing he was out there and I was over here. We chatted often like teenagers. Some nights we sexually played. Other nights we talked about life, but the separation was draining on me. I was too old to consider that this was the full extent of our relationship. He lived in a whole different world in California, one that revolved around social activity, and the frenzy only increased the closer the boys got to their summer tour.

Ivy had been upset to learn I’d been in California.

“Why didn’t you tell me?” she whined.

“It was a spur of the moment surprise. Besides, we didn’t even stay near L.A. We went to Napa.” I tried to sound cheerful about the weekend getaway, making it appear as if Napa was too far away to be so close to her. I’d still been disappointed and a bit discouraged that I hadn’t seen his home.

“Why didn’t he bring you here?”

I sighed in response. I still hadn’t gotten an official answer to that question, and my overactive imagination told me he held more secrets.

“I don’t really know,” I said, my voice lowering. He said it was because he’d keep me there, but I choked on another thought. Maybe he didn’t want me to see his world. I didn’t fit with him. It was something I thought of often, and yet each time he called me, the negative thoughts erased. Nevertheless, I tried not to imagine a future with him, because I couldn’t envision us together. I swallowed hard at the thought. We’d never discussed how to end this, if things didn’t work out. We’d never had that conversation I’d read about where lovers agree when it’s no longer working for one person, they would let the other person go. I’d be crushed if he simply walked away.

“Well, it sounds romantic,” Ivy said, her voice quiet, encouraging, as if she could read my thoughts. “He’s been working so hard with the band lately. He must have wanted a weekend away, keeping you all to himself.”

“Probably.” My voice trembled, I wasn’t convincing her any more than myself. I nodded like she could see me and quickly swiped at a tear trickling down my cheek.

Thankfully, the conversation shifted to the music therapy school and her progression with the lawyer.

“I would have loved to show you. Do you think Tommy will bring you out here again soon?”

“I don’t really know, honey. I don’t know when I’ll see him again. We don’t really plan things. Besides, I have a trip to Arizona at the last week of March.” The words sounded pathetic. Again, I mentally questioned what type of relationship we had. Were we just long-distance lovers? What kind of relationship was that?

I had a strong suspicion I had a better-located, more-attentive, possibility in my boss, if I wished to date locally. However, Max’s attention cooled after I cancelled the Nights concert. He still flirted on occasion, and complimented me more than he had in the past. Or maybe I hadn’t noticed in the past, too absorbed in healing myself after the cancer treatments. Or maybe sex revived me, and the experience glowed off my skin, announcing I was ready to share myself with another person in a physical manner. I laughed at myself. The only person I wanted to share anything with was Tommy Carrigan.

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