Page 55 of Midlife Crisis

“I’ve got a car to keep working on.” I wink.

She chuckles as she shakes her head. “I can’t believe I’ve pulled this off. It won’t be a reality until Friday, when I present to Pendelton.”

I still don’t understand why she wants to work for the man so much. In my opinion, she’s got nothing to prove to him. He seems like such an ass, but what do I know.

“Friday. I’ll bring champagne.” Her eyes widen, and I chuckle. “For you, not for me. Don’t worry.” I don’t want her to have any concern I’ll break the promise to myself and drink.

“Tomorrow first,” she says, and I smile at the thought.

As I’m driving home, I feel lighter, almost pleased with myself. It’s a strange feeling until it clicks that for the first time in years, I didn’t visit the cemetery on Sunday. I didn’t perform my ritual. I grow uneasy for a few seconds, wondering if I should head to Kit’s grave, but then I realize skipping the habit might be half the reason I feel so much better.

When I arrive at Restored Dreams, Brut scowls at me.

“What the fuck happened?”

“She had a little too much ladies’ night.” I motion with my thumb and pinky, tipping my hand toward my lips.

“You got her drunk?” He eyes me suspiciously.

“No.” I snort. “She went out with Edie, Tommy’s new wife, and Ivy.”

“Kit’s daughter?”

I nod, and Brut lets out a low whistle. “You just can’t get away from them.”

I think about it for a moment. “You know, because of them I found Midge. If Tommy hadn’t contacted the garage, inviting me to the party, I would have missed out on…” I almost say the woman of my dreams. Is she? In many ways, yes, Midge is a dream come true.

“I’d say yes if you asked me.” Drunken tears followed when she tried to backpedal, explaining she wasn’t pressuring me and she knew I wasn’t ready for something so serious. Then she argued with herself that she wasn’t ready either, claiming she was a hot mess with three boys and no job. God, can she ramble herself into a tizzy. I stroked her back and tugged back her hair, letting her get all her emotions out.

“Missed out on what?” Brut interrupts my thoughts, muttering an additional comment. “Please don’t say sex.”

“No, it’s not just sex. Midge is…different.”

“That’s like saying she has a good personality.”

“She does. She’s…special to me.”

Brut inserts a finger in his mouth, fake gagging. What are we, five? “That sounds awful. Midge is different and special, but Jesus, she could be so much more if you let her.”

More. “I am letting her.”

“Yeah, and what are you being for her?” I tap my palms on the counter. What am I being to her? Kissing her like I kissed Kit isn’t going to endear her to me. If Midge means more to me, I shouldn’t be sneaking in kisses but kissing the fuck out of her. I stare at my brother a moment.

“I don’t know.” A puff of air escapes him as he shakes his head.

“You’re a fucking idiot,” Brut mutters, picking up his tablet and typing something on the screen. “After your day off, we need help on Carlson’s Corvette, and Pendelton’s Bentley is ready for paint.” Discussion over, I’m dismissed. The shift reminds me of Kit, and I hate the restored feeling. Images of Midge’s pretty brown eyes looking up at me make me think, maybe, just maybe, she’d never dismiss me.

+ + +

On Tuesday, I get the call I’ve been waiting for.

“Doc can see you at two.” Tommy’s gruff voice shouldn’t sting, but it does. Drake Henderson was the band’s physician. The one we went to when we needed a quick hangover solution or a remedy for bad drugs. He took care of an STD for Denton Chance, our guitarist, and referred Kit to an oncologist when he suspected her cancer. He also took care of her pregnancies—that is, he delivered both her babies. After her second birth, she had her tubes tied to prevent any other mishaps. It hadn’t been a condom thing the second time around. It had been unwrapped, too quick, too fast, without a thought to what could happen. Kit never wanted that to happen again.

My heart races with a million thoughts. What will this test mean? Will the truth really set me free? If it goes one way, I’ll have lies confirmed. If it goes another direction, I’ll have some honesty, but what will I do with it?

And what will I tell Midge? I want her to know everything—no secrets—but I also feel like I’m not ready to expose all until I have answers.

“I’ll be there.” It will be the first time I’ve visited Kit’s house in almost a decade. Years of recovery after years of self-loathing after the years of her suffering and subsequent death. So many lost years, I sigh, leaning against the Corvette I should be working on, staring at the paint job on Pendelton’s beast before glancing over at my own neglected baby, the black beauty of my Mustang. The half-finished car glares at me like a metaphor for my life. A dream waiting to be restored, only can something old be renewed? Even a classic isn’t the same once it’s been revamped. I think about myself and my love for Kit in comparison. I don’t want to revive a love like I knew. I want a newer model—one unused, untattered, untainted. My eyes drift to Midge. She’s standing near the window that oversees the garage, laughing as she talks to Chopper. He’s taken a real liking to her, and I wonder if he misses the mother he never had. Her smile lights up the place. The sound of her laughter like forgotten music in my ears.