Page 74 of Midlife Crisis

“That’s why I’m here. For us.” He kisses me sweetly a moment before pulling back. “I want us together, Middy. Let’s experiment.”

I grin at his teasing pun, but his face sobers.

“I thought it would be like this.” He nods at the counter. “Father-son time, but I’ll never have it, not in the way I envisioned. No baseball games. No science homework. No band concerts. Nothing. I always wanted a family. The band was my family in a dysfunctional way, but I wanted it all, from the bottom up. Babies to marriage to manhood.” His hands slip to my shoulders. “I’ll never have what you have, Midge, with your boys. I didn’t get a child. I got a twenty-six-year-old. I missed out on everything.”

He tugs me to him, pressing me into his chest with one hand on my head and one on my back. “Don’t ever be jealous of me, baby. You’ve had so much more. A beautiful house. A marriage. Great kids. You’ve had it all while I had the fame and nothing to show for it but a bedroom at my brother’s, a kid I didn’t know about, and a job as a mechanic instead of a musician.”

I don’t like how he makes it sound—degrading himself. He kisses my head and presses me back. “I know I said I want to make all your dreams come true, but I don’t know how. I have nothing to offer you. I’m being selfish because I want you to make all mine come true instead.”

I leap for him. Forgiveness and sorrow mix with kisses against the island. If it weren’t for the damn volcano, I’d ask him to spread me on the counter and take those words to a new level. I also have Liam upstairs, and the click of the back door lets me know Ronin is home from a study session at a friend’s. Hank and I break away like guilty teenagers.

“Hey, honey. Get all your homework done?” Ronin scoffs as he passes Hank and me. We each hold a counter opposite one other as if we need the anchor so we don’t attack.

“Yeah. I’m headed to bed.” He looks at Hank. “Ever consider shaving a bit? Might not leave all the evidence on her neck.” He continues to the living room as my mouth falls open. Hank chuckles, and our eyes meet. His twinkle with playful mischief, and he reaches for me. We come together again, making out like kids desperate to remove clothing and knowing we can’t. Slowing eventually, I walk Hank to the front door.

“I’ll see you tomorrow,” he assures me. “I’m so glad you feel better.” I feel so much better, and it’s all because of him. Three little words linger in my head, but I won’t use them again. I’ll make it experimental instead of emotional. Can I keep my feelings in check? I’ll let this first round fizzle a bit. Results inconclusive. More data needed.

32

Sleepovers…with children

[Hank]

Friday evening, I have another intake meeting with the counselor and Lawson. Things do not go well. Lawson is agitated and acting out, and I worry I’m the problem. He has no idea who I am. I have no idea if he remembers his mother, and I’ll never know if she mentioned me to him. It’s nearly ten o’clock when I find myself outside Midge’s door. She hasn’t been answering her phone, and it makes me nervous. Her boys are with their dad for the weekend, and she told me she didn’t have any plans, so when I knock I’m a bit surprised.

“Elston?” I question. “Is your mom home?”

“She’s already in bed.” He lingers at the door, holding his arm up high on the wood, showing off his thin muscular frame. He’s built for seventeen but not like my forty-three.

“It’s early. She okay?” He’s not inviting me in, but I’m not leaving until I have an answer. Not to mention, I really want to see her. I need to talk.

“I think so.” He twists to glance at the staircase.

“Aren’t you supposed to be at your dad’s?” It’s none of my business, but Midge mentioned the trouble continues with his father.

“Yeah, but Mom said I could stay home this weekend.” He looks down at his feet and shrugs. “I got a date tomorrow night anyway.”

My brow rises, and silence grows between us. My leg twitches. I suddenly find I’m a little itchy to see his mom.

“Elston, may I speak to you like a man?” His head pops up, bright eyes looking right at me. “Ever love a girl, kid?”

Elston tilts his head. “If you want to speak to me like a man, how about you not call me kid?”

“Fair enough.” My lips twist, holding back a chuckle. Kid has balls, I’ll give him that. “Ever lay with a girl? I don’t mean sex. I mean sleep next to one. Just hold her.”

He tips up his chin, hesitating a second before answering. “Yes.” Rubbing a hand over his head, he looks away. “It seems even more intimate than sex.”

My eyes widen. There’s that word again. “But you cared about the girl, right?”

He swings his eyes back to mine. “Of course.”

“Then I hope you’ll understand. I’d like to step upstairs and check on your mom.”

His eyes narrow. “You do realize she’s my mom.” He shudders. “Just…ew…”

“Kid, don’t ever ew over your mom. She’s still a woman even if you don’t want to think about her like that. Believe it or not, she can be more than a mother. She’s a person. And one I care about.”

He nods, and I’m hoping we understand each other, though having no practice with teenagers, boys, and their mothers, or anything else related to kids, I have no idea. He surprises me by stepping back.