Page 83 of Midlife Crisis

“Why didn’t you tell Hank sooner?” The question seems irrelevant and also none of my business. I’m holding up a hand to apologize for the inquiry when she continues.

“I tried once, but in my grief and with my own issues at twenty, I didn’t pursue what I knew. Hank disappeared after my mother’s funeral. I heard he was pretty bad off, and I figured he didn’t need this new revelation to push him over the edge. Life got in the way after that, and it never occurred to me until recently.”

I couldn’t fault her. It wasn’t her responsibility to share her mother’s secrets. I also can understand her protection of Hank. From what he told me, life was rough, yet he was fragile. My heart softens to his blight. I can’t imagine loving someone so intensely, but I imagine the chase was another addiction.

“Did Hank ever get to say goodbye to your mother? Or tell his side of the story to anyone?”

“He talked to Tommy and Denton, their other band member, but Uncle Tommy was too wrapped up in Mom, and Denton was over Hank’s tirades. Denton Chance was finished with the band’s shenanigans before they even officially split. As for saying goodbye, I don’t think Mom ever let Hank close enough. She didn’t even want me there most days.”

My heart breaks in more ways than one for Hank. Unfounded speculations. Lacking closure. No wonder he’s broken. Their whole relationship was an emotionally abusive clusterfuck.

“That’s not true,” Edie interjects, her hand returning to rub Ivy’s back. A silent moment passes between them, and I don’t ask for an explanation.

“Let’s not talk about them anymore.” I offer a weak smile. “Tell me about Tommy, and what’s going on with Gage?”

I swore I wouldn’t be jealous as Edie fills me in on the sweetness of her husband. The wine flows and my stress lifts a little to hear of the goodness of one man toward his wife. I’d like to keep the faith of love in our forties. Edie’s interrupted by a text from said husband, and I turn to Ivy.

“Time to spill,” I tease, hoping for more good vibe romance. I’ve seen how Gage kisses his wife. It’s criminal but endearing. They make a beautiful couple, but I know good looks can hide ugly secrets.

“There’s nothing more to report. I still think he’s having an affair. They go on the road again in a month, and it’s the perfect opportunity for his groupie to follow him.” Her voice resounds bitterly, and I don’t blame her. What the hell?

“Why do you think he’s having an affair?” I question, and why does she sound so resigned to accept it?

“I still don’t believe it,” Edie adds, looking up from her phone and flipping it over.

“The phone calls. The sudden hang-ups. The mystery appointments. He’s doing something.” I’m so sad for this young woman, sadder for her than myself. I don’t wish it on any other woman one half of what I went through. It’s painful to watch someone you love slip away from you, and it hits me. Hank went through what I did. He suffered as I had. He watched the woman he loved reject him repeatedly. Then she died, leaving unanswered questions and years of self-hate. I want to understand him, but I still hurt a little for me. If he can’t let her go, then there is no room for me in his heart.

I don’t really know how else to impress upon Hank that he could be it for me. I could take a second chance on love, if only he’d accept one as well. If he wants more with me, he’s going to have to give more to me, and I don’t mean his damn money.

“I guess I always thought it was inevitable. I mean, Gage Everly is a rock star. I know how these things play out.” Ivy sighs, and my thoughts return to her. We’ve come full circle in the sadness department, and I feel awful the night has literally turned into a pity party. The wine has gone down too easily, and I’d like to say I’m buzzed, but I’m not. The heat inside my blood boils out the alcohol.

“I don’t think it has to be inevitable. You’re young, beautiful, and caring. From what I’ve seen, you’re a good mother, a concerned sister, and an excellent director for a school catering to those with special needs. There is no reason to cheat on you. You’re perfect and, rock star or not, he can still be a fucking moron if he doesn’t see all that in you.”

Ivy bursts into tears, and I worry I’ve overstepped my bounds. Edie instantly stands to embrace her younger counterpart, and I’m immediately apologizing.

“Cripes, I’m so sorry. Don’t let a bitter old lady dampen your sunshine. I’m sure it’s nothing.” Ivy shakes her head against her new aunt.

“No, you’re right. I don’t deserve this. I’ve already been through it, and out of all people, I expected Gage to understand. We promised if one or the other felt the pull to stray, we just needed to speak. Be honest and let the other go.”

I don’t know if I could have been so accepting of such conditions, but she seems confident in the vow they made to one another. She straightens, her shoulders stiffening. She sniffs, and I bite my lip, holding back the chuckle. She’s a beautiful woman as I said, but we all get ugly when we cry, and why not? Heartache hurts. It’s not pretty, so why should sobbing be?

A knock on the door startles me, and I assume it’s Liam without a key. Heading for the front door, I hear soft laughter on the other side of the wood—deep, rumbling, and all male. When I open the door, I startle as I face three breathtaking men on my stoop.

“Hello, beautiful.” Tommy greets me in his sweet Southern drawl. He steps forward to kiss my cheek without waiting for an invitation to come inside. Gage follows, looking over my shoulder for his wife. He nods as he passes me, his shoulder-length hair falling to his cheeks. Hank remains last, hands in his pockets as he watches me. He hesitates, and I want to climb him like a tree, but then my heart reminds me nesting against him will only force me to fall. I’m already falling, and I’m holding my breath, waiting for the broken body. He steps forward after I don’t speak. He doesn’t lean in for any kisses, and a thought strikes me. He never kissed me last night either.

I wave toward my kitchen and find Tommy with his arm around his wife’s shoulder. Gage stands before his wife, but the tension between them is threefold the stress between Hank and me.

“What the fuck is going on here? Why is she crying?” Gage doesn’t look at anyone but speaks directly to his wife, who has silent tears dripping down her cheeks again. He swipes at them with thick thumbs.

“Why are you cheating on me?” Ivy blurts, and I hold my breath. Sweet cheese, this could get bad quickly. Tommy removes his arm from Edie, and Hank’s presence behind me stiffens me.

“What the fuck?” Gage barks. “I’m not cheating on you. Are you insane?”

“I don’t know. Am I?” Ivy snaps back at him.

“I…” Gage spins to find an audience. His eyes leap to Edie, and Tommy nearly growls in warning. “Don’t even go there.”

“I’m not. Just…Edie, help me understand.” He’s thirty years old or so, but he looks like a child. Caught between anger and bewilderment, his deep dark eyes flare with rage.