Page 26 of Restored Dreams

“Lily.” My name sharply spoken snaps me from my thoughts. “So why did you call?”

“Talk some sense into me.”

“Oh no, girlfriend. Sense walked out the door as soon as you let him crawl between your legs.”

“Ester,” I squeaked, hoping Brut had already gone downstairs, but then I remembered he can’t hear Ester anyway.

“Look. The first question you ask yourself is do you regret what happened?”

“No.” I didn’t even hesitate. I didn’t regret it, and I didn’t consider it a mistake. I just didn’t know what to consider it.

“Okay, definitely between-the-thighs talking. Next question is do you want it to happen again?”

“Yes.” Another answer without hesitation.

“More vagina-speak.” Ester tsked. “I say, just go with it. You aren’t committing to anything. You’re on vacation. Enjoy yourself.”

“That’s what he said.”

“Am I supposed to badum-dum here?”

“No, just he set some rules. Like one week. No past. No future. Just be.”

“Sounds like you’ve already broken a few rules, like the ‘I will never be with Brut Paige again’ rule.” A heavy mmm-hmm follows Ester’s reminder. “But as the saying goes, rules are meant to be broken.”

I want to smile in triumph, but something still weighs on me. Ester’s right. I’ve always lusted after Brut, but I swore I’d never be with him. I said I forgave, and I did.

Then why do I feel so guilty?

+ + +

Brut and I eat dinner at the island while the baseball game plays in the background. I’m curious if the hum of the sporting event is a typical sound in his house. He turns occasionally at a cheer of the crowd or groan of the announcer, but for the most part, he’s attentive to our conversation, which steers suspiciously clear of our past. Instead, we discuss places I’ve traveled or wish to see in the future.

I’ve missed you.

I didn’t know what to say.

I’ve longed for you.

Why did you do it?

The two thoughts run together in my head. All those years ago, I had some answers, but over time, my perspective changed. My opinion of Brut as a liar and a cheater matured into accepting he wasn’t fully to blame. He was young, vibrant, and horny. Keeping me at arm’s length made me wonder, though. Maybe it was me. He liked to play but didn’t want to finish the game. With me.

He’s into finishing in the past twenty-four hours, I remind myself. I don’t think I’ve had as many orgasms in the past year as I’ve had with him in the past day. This worries me. Maybe Ester’s right. Maybe it’s a different body part thinking for me. I can’t get reattached.

I care about you.

Why now? I wanted to ask. Why does he suddenly care? I don’t ask, though, and let the questions brew within me.

“Let me help you frost.” I’m standing opposite him at the counter and notice he’s waiting for an answer.

“I got it.” My tone is off. My brain working too much as the evening transitions to night. “Besides, they need to cool.”

“Hmm,” he moans as he rounds the island and stands behind me, caging me in like he did earlier. “So do you.” What does that mean? I think defensively. What is wrong with me suddenly?

Brut reaches around me and swipes a finger through the homemade frosting. I like it to be room temperature because it makes the mixture easier to spread. With those thoughts in mind, I feel the frosting coat the side of my neck. Instantly, his mouth follows, sucking up the sugary topping, and I melt a little at the contact.

“Brut,” I mumble as another swish of icing hits the other side of my neck. I spin to face him, and he lowers his lips without a word, lapping at a second helping on my skin.