Page 60 of Silver Brewer

“Waffles with ears sound delicious,” I say, stepping toward the kitchen as if I know where anything is.

24

Relationships of fathers

[Giant]

The hurt in her eyes pains me more than the bullet wound near my shoulder. She won’t look at me but keeps the tight smile on her face as she addresses my daughter.

Ellie, named after my mother, is twenty-eight years old and a beautiful mother in her own right to little Kali, five, and Essie, three.

“We live in Atlanta,” Ellie explains, speaking on behalf of herself and her sister.

Sarah, so like her mother, is quiet, shy, and stunned. She hasn’t closed her mouth yet while Ellie nervously chatters, filling the awkward silence while she rattles in my cabinets.

“Daddy makes breakfast the last Sunday of each month. That’s our deal.” Ellie isn’t being defensive. She’s stating a fact. Breakfast. The word distracts me, and I step around the island.

“I got it,” I mutter, pulling out the Mickey Mouse waffle iron I thought would be a fun treat for the girls, and entice them to want to come to my house.

“I teach ninth grade English,” Ellie states, and my chest rips open again. Letty told me only last night how she studied English and wished to write a book.

I love you.

There’s no denying what she said to me before she fell asleep.

Yet she hates me today, and I don’t blame her.

It isn’t that I forgot about my monthly breakfast date. It’s just…I forgot it was this weekend. And I forgot to mention I had children although I didn’t really forget them.

“What are you reading with your class?” Letty asks, prompting Ellie to keep talking.

“Close your mouth,” I mutter to Sarah as I pass her for the refrigerator. She clamps it shut and shakes her head.

“I’m Sarah,” she says as if Ellie didn’t already handle introductions five minutes ago. Letty smiles at her and reaches out a hand. She doesn’t offer to shake so much as wraps both hers around Sarah’s and squeezes.

“It’s nice to meet you, Sarah.” The affection warms my insides as Sarah struggles with social situations. Her shyness keeps her from acting confident. “And what do you do?”

“I’m studying to be a veterinarian, but for now, I work at an animal clinic.”

“What’s your favorite animal?” Letty prompts, encouraging Sarah to speak. My breathing comes quicker. She’s being so nice to my girls. My girls who were shell-shocked by someone other than their mother coming out of my bedroom. My girls who have told me to date, but I told them it would never happen.

I break eggs and add flour, but I can’t even calculate the measurements in my head. I’m making a mess. A mess of everything.

Letty comes around the counter and gently pushes at my hip. “Why don’t you let me?”

“I thought delivery was your specialty.” I’m trying to tease her, but my voice remains stilted as I speak.

“I think I can handle a few waffles. With ears,” she adds, addressing my granddaughters. Kali looks up, hopeful of success. She’s so like her mother. Essie, on the other hand, is a little deviant like her father. The absentee dad. I was like him. Always working. Never home. Missing everything important to my girls. I didn’t want that for the next generation, yet Ellie picked a man like me. Mick is in the military.

“So how did you meet Daddy?” Ellie asks, interrupting my thoughts of her husband.

“I wanted to buy his land.”

“Pap’s land?” Sarah asks, horrified at the thought. She enjoys it almost as much as I do, loving the wildlife in the woods.

“Yes. But then I had a change of heart.”

Kill me. She’s driving the knife deeper because it’s my heart that changed, and she’ll never love me after this.