Page 61 of Silver Brewer

“And when was this?” Ellie asks, digging for more details.

“A month ago.” Letty stops whipping the batter. Has it really only been a month? I feel like I’ve known Letty a lifetime. I want to know her for a lifetime. I glance from Letty to Ellie, begging my daughter for a moment.

“Let’s go wash our hands,” Ellie announces, and the two littles jump from the stool. “Sarah, come help us.” Sarah stares at her sister a moment until Ellie, not so inconspicuously, nods to follow her. Kali skips. Essie follows. Letty turns her head toward the French door leading to the second floor.

“Nothing of consequence? Their rooms are up there, aren’t they?”

“I can explain everything,” I mutter.

Her eyes close, and I’m certain she’s heard those words before without good results.

“I should leave,” she hisses under her breath.

“I don’t want you to.” With everyone out of the room, I tug Letty to my chest, where she lands against me like a brick wall, stiff and tense.

Noooo, my heart screams. The feeling reminds me of Clara, and I want to smash the bowl of batter and throw the waffle iron across the room, which would be so unlike me. Clara wasn’t cold, but she didn’t melt into me like Letty does. She didn’t respond to my touch like Letty. She didn’t give me…

“I need a minute,” Letty mutters, disrupting my thoughts and pulling away from me. She heads for the back deck, and my stomach flips with unease. I can’t relive what I had with Clara. I loved her, and I don’t fault her for anything we had in our relationship, but Letty has been so much more to me, so liberating, and I can’t handle her shutting down. In bare feet, the wood slats of my kitchen floor feel cold, chilling me in the briskness of the morning. I stare out the window after Letty, and my hand slams on the counter.

Dammit. Dammit. Dammit.

“Dad?” Ellie stands before me, and I quickly look up.

“Yeah, honey?” Eyes which match mine stare at me, apprehensive and curious.

“She’s pretty.”

I lick my lips. “I know.” She’s the prettiest woman I’ve ever seen. Clara had a simple beauty, a grace about her quiet nature, but Letty is stunning. Don’t compare, I criticize.

“She seems nice.”

“She is.” I exhale, crossing my arms over my chest as I lean back against the opposite counter. Letty’s kind, and when I consider her adoption reasons, she has a good heart. She’s a good person.

“And you like her. I mean, she spent the night so…”

“I do. Like her. I…feel a lot of things for her.” I’m not certain I should be having this conversation with my twenty-eight-year-old daughter. My girls and I aren’t emotionally close. I’d been gone too long, too often, and when I finally came home, hurt and broken, I didn’t know how to interact with them. Then their mother died, leaving me with two teenage daughters and no clue how to be a parent. Thank goodness for my mother and Mati. I did the best I could, but we lived separate lives. It’s one reason I lost them both to Atlanta.

“It’s okay to love her, Dad.”

I stare at my girl. When did she become such an adult?

“I really fucked up here, Ellie Belly.”

She chuckles at the long-gone nickname. “Well, unfuck it.”

I should admonish her for her language, but instead, I just laugh. She steps up to me, and I open my arms, pulling her into my chest and kiss the top of her head.

“Dad,” Sarah softly speaks, and I glance over Ellie’s head to see her sister hesitantly looking back at me. I release one arm, holding it open for her. As Sarah walks into the embrace, I can’t remember the last time I held them each close, held them collectively like this. I shudder to think when it might have been. Ten years ago.

“I like her,” Sarah says, giving her stamp of approval.

“I like her, too,” I repeat to my younger daughter. “In fact, I think I love her.”

Sarah pulls back from the hug with tears in her eyes as she glances up at me. “It’s about time,” she whispers.

Time to move on.

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