Page 82 of Silver Brewer

“Of course.” The new mom in me wants to tell him how to pick up a baby—support the head, hold the back—but then I remember he has children and grandbabies. He knows how to handle a baby, and at three months, Finn already has more strength than I expected. Giant scoops Finn out of the seat and stands, spinning to face me. The baby looks so small in his large hands, and then Giant cradles him in the crook of his elbow. I’m speechless as my ovaries explode. I didn’t need them anyway, I tell myself as the man I love holds my baby to his chest. Finn seems mesmerized by Giant’s warmth or heartbeat or something.

“He’s quiet,” I say, breathing a sigh of relief and frustration.

“Sometimes they need a fresh set of arms,” he says, the expert father. “Clara used to get so mad when the girls cried all the time, and then a family member would come over, and they’d be angels.” Giant’s head lifts, and he looks at me. I can’t decide if he’s worried at the mention of her or concerned at the state of me. I brush back loose hair near my face.

“I haven’t showered.” Lately.

“When’s the last time you slept?”

“I’m not sure.”

“Go shower. I’ve got him for a few minutes.”

My eyes narrow. “You spent days with me in a tent without running water,” I snap, implying we didn’t exactly bathe while camping.

“Yeah, but then you smelled like me, not baby spit-up.” He winks, and I want to snap again, but instead, my shoulders fall. I’m failing at this mother thing. “Come here.” He tips his head, so I stand and walk over to him where he spreads out his other arm and pulls me to him. He kisses my forehead. “I love you.”

“I’m so glad you’re here,” I whisper, and a tear escapes. Once the dam breaks, I know there will be no going back, so I suck in a breath to contain them, but another traitorous one releases.

“Hey,” Giant says softly. “Shower.” It’s like he knows I need the solitude despite the tears, so I step out from under his arm.

A half hour later, I feel like a new woman. I am a new woman, and my heart accelerates when I see Giant pacing my living room, rocking a baby, with SportsCenter on the television. He looks up at me with a grin, and I muster a smile although I silently curse Finn for sleeping. Little traitor.

“Why don’t you dial up some dinner?” Giant teases, gazing back at Finn, and my heart swells at the image. Finn looks so natural in Giant’s arms, or is it Giant looks calm and collected with Finn tucked into him? Either way, it’s a reminder I want Giant in my life, in Finn’s life, but I don’t see how that will happen.

Thinking of Giant’s request, I’m ready to retort this is why I didn’t marry. I’m not someone’s little woman, raising children and making meals. I’m an independent female. Then I see him nod to my phone on the coffee table, and I chuckle to myself. Oh, right. The little woman knows how to dial a phone for delivery, and I realize a second later, I might not mind a home-cooked meal with a man in my house.

+ + +

After the warm shower and a hot meal, I’m drained of energy, but my anxiety gets the best of me as I prepare for a long night. I’ve read about this—colic—and I’m convinced Finn has it. It’s like a timer goes off in his little system at nine o’clock and for two hours, I’ll be pacing this living room trying everything to make him stop wailing.

“You didn’t tell me why you’re here?” I ask, sitting next to Giant on the couch. Finn rests in the car seat at Giant’s feet. “I mean, I’m thrilled you are, but this is a surprise.” I hate to ask because I’m so grateful. I can’t do a heavy conversation with him, but I’m definitely stumped by the impromptu visit. His Thanksgiving plans involved being home with his family, and it’s only the day after the holiday.

“My nephew asked his girlfriend to marry him.”

“Jaxson, right?” The one who drove me to the brewery and was dating the very pregnant woman at the diner. I knew they’d had their baby. “A proposal prompted you…?” There’s still a question in my voice.

“I’d just finished a discussion with my brothers.” He keeps his eyes on his plate. He finished each bite of his moo shu pork while I couldn’t finish my shrimp fried rice. “We were talking about you and me, and I was questioning where we were going, with Finn suddenly in your life, and then we walked into the living room, and Jaxson popped the question right there in front of everyone.” He pauses, rubbing his hands on his thighs.

“And this inspired you to hop on a plane to come see me?” I’m flattered but concerned. “What are you wondering in regard to Finn?” Is the idea of a baby too much for him? I know he’s already raised children. Maybe he’s not interested in going through it again. Maybe the reality of my situation is catching up to him. Maybe he’s breaking up with me, which seems silly considering he bought a last-minute plane ticket on a holiday weekend to fly thousands of miles, but still…

“It’s kind of a heavy topic with all you have going on.” He sheepishly glances at me and then away.

“Just spit it out, Giant. Are we breaking up because of Finn?” My heart sinks to my stomach, and my shrimp fried rice wants to come back up. He shifts to face me.

“Absolutely not.” His expression is serious.

“What are you saying then?” I’m so confused, and I can’t process. I gaze down at Finn, who is making a squinty face.

“I’m saying, I know it can be rough to be alone with a new baby. You don’t have much family support, and I can’t be here all the time. I’m worried about you.”

“Well, don—”

He holds up a hand to stop me. “I can’t predict the future, Letty. I don’t know where we’ll go next, but I don’t want to lose you. As for Finn…I’m just concerned. I’ve already been this route of long distance and babies. I don’t want you to be hurt.”

My mouth falls open, and I glare. “Well, then don’t hurt me,” I snap.

Giant stares back at me, and my skin prickles. I don’t know why I’m so on edge. You’re exhausted.