Page 83 of Silver Brewer

“I still don’t understand what you’re saying. Just spit it out, Giant.” My tone remains irritated although I shouldn’t be barking at him.

“I want you to move to Georgia in six months.”

Well, that’s not what I thought he’d say.

“Why?” The singular word is said a little too harshly and a little too direct as if the thought wasn’t ever a thought. I instantly want to reel it back in, especially when his face falls, and he looks down at Finn who’s fully winding up for his nightly bawl. Suddenly, I want to join the baby with a good cry. I’m messing everything up.

“I guess…I thought…I don’t know.” Giant stands without finishing his thought and picks up our plates from my coffee table. My eyes follow his retreating back. I want to run after him. I want to tell him I didn’t mean it how it sounded. I just want to understand. Moving to Georgia? That’s a big step. I don’t know what I’d do for a living, or where I’d live, and any of these concerns are moot until I pass through the six-month timeframe of abandonment and post-adoption.

“Giant, I—” As soon as I speak, Finn breaks into a wail, and Giant disappears down the hall for my kitchen.

I glance over at Finn and sigh. This is so much harder than I thought it would be.

What do you want? I scream in my head, not certain whom I’m directing my thoughts at.

Men are so confusing, no matter what age.

31

Finnikin of the Rock

[Giant]

As I wash the plates and listen to Finn cry down the hall, I wonder what I’m doing here, and then I want to punch myself for bringing up the subject of moving. She’s overwhelmed, and a discussion about our relationship status and our future is not on her radar like it is mine.

I want a plan.

She wants peace and quiet.

I let her deal with her son while I clean up her kitchen. I wash the baby bottles and take stock of her grocery needs. Then I go into Finn’s room and find a small pile of laundry. Taking it to the washing machine, I begin a load and notice another sitting in the dryer. I fold the tiny clothes, marveling at their small size.

He’ll grow into a man, someday. He better appreciate his mama.

I think of how she defended Finn from my first impression. I don’t care about his skin color, but she didn’t mention she was doing a trans-culture adoption—not that it matters. It doesn’t. I just didn’t know.

I want to kiss her senseless for her big heart. She’s doing a good thing here, and I need to be on board if I want to keep her. Which I do. In fact, I want to keep both of them. From the second I saw him, I felt possessive of him. I want him to be the best of men, and he’s going to need a man to teach him how. Not that Letty won’t be a wonderful mother in her own right, but there are still things a man needs to teach a son. A son. Does she want a father figure for her boy? Would Letty ever take a husband? Would she let me be Finn’s father?

The night wears on, and Letty grows frustrated, but she won’t let me help, and I feel helpless watching her. Eventually, she tells me to go to bed, and begrudgingly, I do as sitting on her couch watching her pace seems to upset her more. After another hour of crying, though, I get up and demand she give Finn to me. He settles within minutes, and I set him in his bassinet in her room.

“I hate you,” she whispers, swiping at her eyes as I crawl in behind her. She doesn’t mean it, and I know it.

“Why?” I press a kiss to her shoulder.

“You did that so easily. I’m terrible at this.”

“He’s just frustrated and more so as you grow frustrated. He can’t calm down when you can’t, and you’re tired.” I’m trying to be sensitive because I know if I say the wrong words, she’ll snap.

She’s quiet for a moment, and I think she’s falling asleep, but then she speaks. “I’m sorry about earlier. I didn’t mean what I said, but you did sort of surprise me.”

“I shouldn’t have brought it up,” I begin, but she shifts to look at me over her shoulder.

“I can’t come visit you, and it isn’t fair to have you only visit me. I don’t know how this will work for us, but I’m so grateful you’re here now.” I lean forward and briefly kiss her.

“I’ve gone nearly eight months without seeing my family in person, and that’s not going to happen to us. I can handle six months.”

“Still—” She interrupts, but I interrupt her right back.

“I want to be here for you. I promised myself if it ever happened again, I’d be available for the whole thing. I’m sorry it won’t be that way. I can’t leave the brewery behind, but I’ll be here as often as I can.