Page 32 of Silver Player

“I’m going to go make some popcorn,” Sadie says, hopping off the couch, and I’m relieved because Wade and Vanessa are about to have a sex montage. The kiss begins, and I want to hide behind my hands like a frightened child watching a horror film. This is bad. So bad. It’s a calendar year of sex, graphically displayed by a variety of positions. Wall sex. Missionary. Doggy style. My heart races, and I’m hyperaware of Roxanne beside me. From the corner of my eye, I see her hand travel to her throat, and my mouth waters. She strokes a finger to the dip between her collarbone, and I shift on my cushion with the need to adjust myself. I sit forward instead and place my elbows on my thighs, which is almost as painful. I’m stiff as a tent pole and trying to disguise it from Sadie, who waltzes into the room at the timely end of the scene.

“My, that Ryan Reynolds is hot,” Roxie states, and I roll my neck to glance at her over my shoulder.

“I knew you’d like it,” Sadie simmers, and I turn back for her. My eyes pinch as she devilishly smiles at me. Oh, this kid.

“Aunt Roxie, we need to find you someone like him.”

Roxie’s nervous giggle makes me shake my head, and I return my eyes to the screen.

“What do you know about guys like him?” I ask.

To which Sadie says, “Plenty.”

“What?” Roxie and I say in unison.

“I just mean, I’ve dated boys.”

“I don’t want to hear this,” I mutter.

“You’ll have to get used to these things, Dad.” The mockery in her tone should upset me, and in some ways, it makes my insides flip flop, but a strange warmth fills me as well. Will she call me dad one day, or will I remain this nameless man? She currently doesn’t address me even as Billy.

“You can tell your…” Roxanne falters on what to call me as well. “Or me, anything, honey.”

My attention turns back to Roxie. What? I am not listening to my daughter talk to me about dates or sex, especially not sex, and absolutely, definitely not about sex like what Roxanne and I witnessed in the movie. Roxie’s eyes widen at me as if she read my thoughts and she’s responding with an you-will-listen-to-anything look.

I shake my head again. I don’t know that I’ll survive fatherhood.

+ + +

“You’re spending an awful lot of time over there,” Clyde comments, motioning his head across the street.

“Where you spendin’ your time?” My oldest brother Giant sits across the bar from us. His stature fits his name as he’s a big guy, thus the nickname Giant when his real name is George. He runs our family’s brewery, taking over from our father who ran it when our pap died. Giant bears the name of generations of George Harringtons, and I don’t wish for the pressure he’s under. I have my own concerns.

I’m not bartending, just managing this evening. More like hanging out as the more time I spend over at Roxie’s with Sadie, the more I don’t like being home alone.

“Nowhere,” I grumble, giving the stink-eye to Clyde to keep his mouth shut. It’s been two weeks of shared visits. It isn’t that I don’t want to tell my family about Sadie; it’s just that I’m waiting for the right time. I need to get through Oktoberfest, which includes my brother because we only distribute Giant Brewing beer that night. Our fall blend was released a month ago with great success, and we have a winter ale coming out in time for the holidays. Thanksgiving has been my target date. That’s the day I plan to tell my family about Sadie and introduce her and Roxanne to the Harrington clan. Well, I mainly mean Sadie, but it’s strange to separate the two in my head. They’re a package deal, and it makes me wonder how Sadie was with her mother.

Roxanne has hinted that Trixie was tough on Sadie, forcing her to make the grades and practice for everything. She sounded strict, and it makes me wonder how a motorcycle fit into her life. Maybe she had an alter ego, desperate for the wayward girl she once was before she became a mother. I’m also curious how I would have been as a father, actually raising Sadie from the ground up instead of jumping in mid-shift.

“You seem preoccupied,” Giant states, and I glance back at my brother.

“You look the same.” Giant nods and glances down at his phone. “What’s going on with you?”

“I’m…I’m bringing a woman to Oktoberfest.”

My hands slip from the counter at my back. “What?” I chuckle. My brother is practically a hermit. He spends more time than me at work, and when he isn’t working, he disappears up the mountain to the cabin Pap left him. I haven’t seen him date or heard of any commitment other than a semi-regular visit to a girl outside of town, which sounds semi-pathetic to me, but I don’t judge. He married his high school sweetheart like I did, only his ended with a sadder fate. Cancer sucks. Clara was awesome.

“So, who is she?” I step toward the bar and rest my arms on the top, leveling my gaze at my oldest sibling. “This must be serious if you’re introducing her to the family during Oktoberfest.”

Giant’s dark eyes gaze down at his beer, but he wears a shit-eating grin. He shrugs noncommittally.

“But you like her,” I tease, like the teenager inside me.

“I do.” His smile grows, and it’s almost infectious, although I don’t want the love-bug disease he’s caught. Love. Ew.

“Why?” The question comes out harsher than I intend, but I’m also curious. I’ve been spending so much time with Roxanne and Sadie, I’ve gotten to the point I actually enjoy Roxie. A little bit. Sort of. After her rejection of my kiss and her accusation of seeing me having sex against a wall, there’s been no discussion of anything ever happening or happening again.

You’re the one who told her it wouldn’t, I remind myself.