Page 33 of Silver Player

“I like the way she looks at me,” Giant answers without thinking about it. “And I like how she laughs.” His eyes sparkle like a kid finding something shiny and invaluable, and I realize I want that feeling as well, but I can’t admit this to my brother as he’s borderline gushing.

“You’re a sap,” I tease.

“Pour me over pancakes,” he says. “I won’t lose her for anything.”

I’m startled by the words. I won’t lose her for anything. Those are some strong emotions, and I instantly think of Sadie. It isn’t the same thing as Giant loving a lady, but a reminder I don’t want to lose Sadie. I just found her. This makes me think of Roxanne. We aren’t parents in the conventional means, but Sadie needs both of us, and so far, Roxie’s plans for visits are working out, which means I can’t lose Roxanne either.

“Wow,” I mutter in response. Giant winks at me and picks up his phone.

“Hey, Cricket…” He’s walking away before I can make a comment about her name sounding like an insect.

+ + +

On the Thursday before Oktoberfest, I don’t make it to see Sadie. It isn’t that I forgot, but I forgot. I was so tied up in last-minute arrangements with the tent service, the rentals, the temporary bars, and just everything else that before I knew it, it was almost eleven.

Shit.

Sadie doesn’t answer me when I send a text, and I assume it’s because she’s in bed. But she’s also a teenager, and sometimes they stay up late. I don’t typically contact Roxie, preferring to keep all communication with Sadie. Confirming dinners. Assuring her I look forward to our time together. Tonight, I slipped up, so I call Roxanne, whose number I have for emergency purposes.

“I fucked up,” I say immediately. It’s something my father once said works best with women. Admit your mistake before they can call you out on anything, and you’re forgiven.

“You didn’t even call her, William.”

Okay, unless you are Roxanne McAllister, and then the stick up your ass chokes you.

“It got late. I was working.”

Her silence tells me that’s not a good enough excuse except it’s the truth.

“Who was she?” The bitterness in Roxie’s tone could be construed for jealousy, if there was someone to be jealous of. Instead, I’m pissed at the accusation.

“She’s a full-body mistress. Frothy and refreshing as she glides down my throat.”

“You pig,” she hisses.

“Yeah, well, oink, oink because I’m telling the truth. Oktoberfest is this weekend, which you know, and I’m working on all the last-minute details. It’s been hard enough since our band cancelled a week ago but thank God we have a replacement. But then there’s the tent company and the—” I abruptly stop. Why am I telling her all these things? “Never mind.”

“What do you mean never mind? What else do you need to do for your party?”

Thankfully, Roxie dropped her permit request shortly after the paternity test. I’m surprised she’s asked about my party, but find I want to talk, maybe vent a little bit about my frustration. This will be one of our biggest years yet, and I just want it all to be perfect. Historically, our financial statements support this is more than a party but profitable for us, and I tell Roxanne all of this for some reason.

“I’m always trying to prove to my dad how important BRMP is to me, but also how I’m not a total fuckup.”

“Just a little one, occasionally.” She laughs as she teases.

“Nothing little about me,” I proudly state, then realize it might sound a bit wrong. Roxanne purrs through the phone, and fuck, if that’s not a turn-on.

“Is she really mad at me?” I let out a deep exhale as I swipe a hand down my face. I’m lying on my bed, staring up at the ceiling and considering how quiet my place is. I like hanging out at Roxie’s although it’s small for three people.

“Yeah.” Roxie pauses a moment as if contemplating something. “Deep down, I think she’s scared you don’t want her. I mean, you haven’t introduced her to your family and without that comes some uncertainty.”

“What does she want to know? What can I do to make her understand I do want her?” Because the truth is, I want to get to know my daughter. I want to be a decent dad. Maybe better than I feel my father treated me. But a part of me feels like my questions go deeper than Sadie. What does Roxie want from me? What can I do to make her see that I don’t want to break up our little party of three? I like our threesome, which is not something I thought I’d ever say about a woman who drives me crazy and a daughter I don’t know. I want Roxanne to like me.

“You’re trying, and I think that’s the most important thing. Just don’t give up on her no matter how tough she gets, okay? You’re bound to make mistakes. I make mistakes all the time like thinking spaghetti was a favorite of hers until she finally told me she doesn’t like it that much.”

I chuckle. “Can I tell you a secret? I don’t like it either.”

“Then why did you eat it when you came for dinner that first night?” Laughter fills her voice.