Page 46 of Fight from the Heart

When Pam wakes the next morning, I’ve already been down to the gym to secure my place in an amateur fight on Saturday. I’ve had an intense workout before running miles back to the condo to get rid of the alcohol in my system, the negative results of Mandi, and the wood I have for Pam. I couldn’t sleep most of the night after our chat on her bed. I hate that she’s even in the guest room, and her separation is a reminder that things need to change.

I’m going to lose her if I don’t change.

And I accept that it’s not a personality trait or a character flaw or even giving up scrambled eggs for fried. This is letting go of the past somehow, and that somehow is the difficult part. I don’t know what to do.

I arrive back at the condo to find Pam dressed in comfortable clothing like she’s going for a walk. In an attempt to turn this trip back around to the exciting time I wanted her to have, I ask, “What’s on the agenda today?”

On the plane ride to New York, we discussed things she wanted to see. We only have three days, so it has to be the highlights on this trip. I want to bring her back here again, but this might be the only chance I get with her after last night. I want to make it right. I want to make it good for her. I want her to be happy.

“I’m going for a walk in Central Park.” The distinct way she says I’m leads me to think she wants to go alone, but that’s not happening.

“You can’t walk Central Park alone when you don’t know where you’re going.”

“I’ll take a map.” She bends to put on running shoes.

“Which screams tourist, and I happen to know a personal tour guide who can take you anywhere you want to go.”

She looks up from tying her shoe. “Really? A personal guide? Sounds expensive.”

I lower to my haunches before her, dropping my voice. “He takes payment in alternative ways.”

She laughs, breaking some of the tension between us.

“Kisses are applicable.”

Pam gently shoves at my shoulder, and I fall back to the floor. “Too expensive.”

“There’s a payment plan. You can do it in installments if you wish. Even schedule when it works best for you.” Pam laughs again, and it does something to my insides to hear the sound. She needs to laugh more often, and I want to be the cause. “Tips are optional.”

Her eyes narrow. “Is that a pun somehow?”

My eyes widen. “You dirty little wood nymph, it wasn’t, but it is now.”

She shakes her head, softly laughing again.

“Give me two minutes, and I’ll be ready for the Jacob Vincent tour special of New York.”

“You know, I’m here with my boss. I should probably check with him. See if you’re reputable as a service.”

A sly smile grows on my lips. “Your boss, you say? I have an in with him, and I’m certain he’ll give me the highest of recommendations.” I pause, suddenly nervous. “Spend the day with me, Lilac. Let’s do New York.”

She nods once with a hesitant smile, and my goal is to make the curl on those lips more genuine.

+ + +

We ride in a cab to the Park entrance, and I watch as Pam takes in all the sights. Even though I have been here a million times, it’s fascinating to observe her, seeing this fabulous city through a new perspective, watching someone view this special place for the first time. Arriving at Central Park, Pam pulls up a map on her phone.

“Put that thing away,” I tease. “You’re embarrassing me. I’m the guide. Let me lead.”

Pam laughs, cautious of my expertise, but we begin to walk in silence, just taking in the organized woods around us compared to the wild wilderness around my lake home. It’s peaceful here in a different way. Peace on the edge of chaos, which is how my life has felt since I settled in northern Michigan two and a half years ago. It’s been life-altering.

Change your destiny.

The tattoo over my chest speaks in more ways than one. My childhood. My writing. My relationships.

After several twists and turns through the walking paths, we come upon a coffee vendor, and I suggest a cup for Pam. Lifting the liquid heaven for her nose, she wrinkles it.

“What’s wrong?” I lift my cup for the smell.