Page 83 of Fight from the Heart

“Explain this to me, Pam,” I demand, pretending we don’t have an audience. Her face crumples, and Ethan picks this moment to enter the room.

“What’s going on?” His tone expresses his immediate concern at the distress he sees on Pam’s face. I ignore him as well.

“It just happened.” Pam finally answers me. “The night of the snowstorm.” The timing makes sense. It’s the only night we were together before the other night, but I still can’t seem to comprehend how this could be.

“Sometimes these things just happen,” the nurse interjects, her voice cheerful and positive as she adds, “The Lord works in mysterious ways.”

“Whoa, whoa, whoa. What are we talking about here?” Ethan hesitantly laughs, but I’m not finding any humor at this moment.

“Why are you still here?” I snap at the nurse as I glare at her and then turn on Pam again. “How long?”

“I’m eight weeks along.”

“No, I mean how long have you known?” I can hardly contain my growing frustration. Why didn’t she tell me?

“A few weeks after our trip to New York.”

“A few weeks!” I shout aghast.

“Hey man, settle down,” Ethan states, stepping closer to me, and I spin on him.

“Did you know about this?” I can’t read his blank face, so I give him the information. “She’s pregnant.”

Ethan’s eyes leap from me to Pam. “Really?” His voice softens. “That’s wonderful, Pam.”

“Why didn’t you tell me?” My voice lowers, but my heart still races with this news. What does this mean? Why hasn’t she said anything? Is she not happy? Is she upset I’m the father?

A hand scrubs down my face. Shit. Just shit. My brain screams. I ruin everything. Looking up, I watch Ethan lean forward and press a kiss to Pam’s head, pushing back her hair. She remains there, crying through his congratulations.

“Get him out of here,” the nurse demands, addressing Ethan.

“Outside,” he barks. “Now.”

“Fuck you,” I hiss. “I’m not leaving her.” Ethan pushes me, and everything in me tells me to fight back. To shove him aside, but my eyes fall to Pam, who has closed hers and rolled to her side. She must hate me. Oh my God, the one thing I never wanted is for her to hate me, and I’ve gotten her pregnant. In my weakened state, Ethan grabs the shoulder of my shirt and drags me into the hallway. I shrug him off me and slam my back into the wall.

“You’re a dick,” Ethan states, venom in his voice, which matches the blood roiling through my veins. “Did you not see her condition? She just had an accident. She could have died,” he reminds me. “She could have lost the baby, and she doesn’t need this.” He waves his hand up and down before me.

“What’s going on?” Ella says, rushing to Ethan’s side. She reaches out for me, but I slide along the wall, away from her. “Jacob, what happened?”

“Pam’s pregnant.”

My sister’s face quickly breaks into a blinding smile, beaming with excitement. “That’s wonderful.”

“Why didn’t she tell me?” My voice cracks as the shock settles in, and I vibrate with the anxiety of her rejection.

We should talk. She was going to tell me. She was going to break things off.

“Let’s evaluate this situation,” my sister says, learning all this new shit from her therapist. “You thought you’d gotten another woman pregnant. The woman of your dreams needed to accept this. She walks away from you to give you the space you need. You go into treatment and get yourself clean because that’s what you needed to do for you. And she’s been here waiting for you.”

“Pam’s been waiting for me,” I slowly repeat Ella’s words.

Let me love you, Jacob.

My head lowers a bit, but I’m still breathing heavy.

She made love to me and kissed my scars. She healed my heart. She’s been standing right in front of me.

“Then you find out the truth. Mandi faked her pregnancy to keep you. She tricked you.” Ella continues to eye me, emphasizing her words, and letting the sad truth of my life sink in. “Do you think, just maybe, Pam might have worried you’d think she did the same?”