Page 84 of Fight from the Heart

“I would never—”

Ella holds up a hand to stop me. “Uh. But you’re reacting right now.”

“I’m in shock.” I state the obvious. My sister and I stare at each other until I have to look away.

“Jacob, she has loved you unconditionally,” Ella reminds as if I should know this, but I do. When I think back on the years, the dedication to me and my work, to my house and our friendship, she’s always been there for me. And what have I offered her?

“She’s taken all your crap for years, man,” Ethan interjects. “We didn’t even know who you were, but every time she mentioned ‘the man she worked for,’ we saw it in her face. It was written all over her. She was in love with you.”

Ethan pauses to exhale in frustration and pulls his hair from his forehead to the top of his head.

“And if you don’t get your ass back in that room and apologize, you don’t deserve her,” he adds. Ella glances up at Ethan and scowls. His face instantly falls, and he drops his hair.

“Sorry, princess,” he mutters before leaning in to kiss her temple.

Ella twists back to me. “You need to fight for her, Jacob. Instead of always fighting against life, it’s time to step up and fight for it. This is what you’ve been waiting for, a chance to be loved. A chance to give love.”

“You don’t think I want this?” I’m confused. Of course, I want Pam. Of course, I want the baby, I just . . .

My head turns back in the direction of Pam’s hospital room.

She’s having my baby.

I love her.

What am I doing in the hall?

Chapter 29

Reactive Reactions

[Pam]

With Jacob still in the room, I curl to my side, which hurts like hell, but I just want to tuck into myself. This didn’t go as I had planned. Nothing has gone as I hoped. I wanted to tell Jacob on my own terms. Maybe after I heard the heartbeat next week. Then again, they ran an ultrasound as a urine sample showed I was pregnant. My family didn’t know to offer that information to the doctors as I hadn’t told anyone yet but Mae. Thankfully, the baby is protected, and my little peanut’s heart is pumping away. I, on the other hand, feel heartsick.

“He’s just a little in shock,” the nurse says, still by my side. “Apparently, he didn’t know.” The question lingers in her voice, and I shake my head. With her still rubbing my hand, I wipe away the last of my tears, telling myself I will not cry over Jacob anymore. When he left me yesterday morning, I had this weird sensation something was going to happen, almost like a premonition of something bad occurring. Unfortunately, it had been my own stupidity. After going to work, I broke down from the emotional high of being with Jacob again. I told Mae everything from the seduction to my lack of telling him about the pregnancy.

“What are you afraid of with him?” she questioned, truly concerned. In her eyes, Jacob had returned. He’d come back to me. She didn’t understand.

“He doesn’t want children, or marriage, or even believe in love. I don’t want him to think I tricked him like Mandi tried to do.” It’d certainly been a shock to learn the truth. She tried to manipulate him into marrying her, and I didn’t want Jacob to think I’d done the same thing.

“That’s ridiculous,” Mae stated, still full of sympathy for my stress. “He loves you. I haven’t even met the man, and I’m certain he does.”

Storming out of my hospital room seems to prove quite the opposite.

“Lilac.” His quiet voice startles me, and I squeeze my already closed eyes even tighter. “Lilac, look at me.”

I cannot look at him. Go away.

“Lilac, please. I don’t want to say what I have to say to your back.” His voice is calmer, and the nurse continues to rub my arm, soothing me. She’s not telling him to get out, so I assume she sees something in him.

I flip with a cry of pain, and Jacob’s eyes widen, but I dismiss his concern. “You have nothing left to say to me, Jacob. For over two years, I have given you my dedication and devotion. I’ve given you my heart,” I emphasize, poking at the hospital gown over my chest. “I’ve been loyal and faithful for God knows what reason, and I don’t need this from you. I knew how you felt. No love. No marriage. No children. I don’t expect anything from you. I just wanted to love you.”

Dammit, the tears begin to fall again.

“I wanted you to let me love you. I want you, but I don’t need you, Jacob, and there’s a difference. I can raise this child on my own. I just thought you should know the truth.”

I try to roll back to my side but cry out again in pain. Jacob’s hand comes to my arm, keeping me on my back.