Page 85 of Fight from the Heart

“Are you finished?” he softly questions, and I huff while quiet tears stream to the sides of my face.

“Lilac,” he begins, swiping a hand over his head and then reaching for my hand to entwine his fingers with mine. “I fucked up. I always do. I told you once if I ever had anything good in my life, I’d mess it up, and I did. Look at you.” He swipes a tear from my cheek while squeezing the hand he holds. “I’m wrecking you, and it’s killing me. I love you, angel.”

The tears fall harder just when I thought they’d subside.

“I love you, and I want you to love me. I want you to need me because I certainly need you. I don’t want to live without you.”

Through blurry eyes, I try to focus on him. “What about the baby?”

“Angel,” he addresses me, swiping his finger along the edge of my face. “You’ve given me life in more ways than one. I’m not upset about the baby. I’m in shock. And I thought you weren’t telling me because you were upset. You didn’t want me to know I’d put my demon in you.” His voice falters as he tries to joke.

“It’s not a demon,” I admonish through the subsiding tears. He lifts my hand cradled in his and presses kisses to my knuckles.

“Of course not. Any child of yours must be an angel.” More kisses cover our joined hands. “I’m sorry I lost it there for a moment.”

The nurse reminds us of her presence. “If you two are good now, I think I’ll step out.” Jacob’s head turns to her, and she warns him directly. “No more funny business from you, or I’ll toss you out myself.”

“I apologize for that.” He pauses, taking a deep breath and then adds, “I’m going to be a dad.”

The nurse grins, and I watch Jacob’s face morph from cautiously concerned to contagiously happy.

“So I’ve heard,” she tells him. “Congratulations, Dad. When are you due?”

Jacob turns to me, raising his brows in question.

“January first.”

“Just in time for the new year,” the nurse states, and Jacob’s dark eyes soften.

“It’s already a new year,” he says, shifting to glance at my belly. “It’s a new life.”

The nurse pats my arm before excusing herself, giving us the privacy we need.

“I was surprised myself,” I finally admit once she leaves. “Are you sure you’re okay with this?”

“I didn’t think I’d want children because I thought I’d be like him. But you won’t let me be like that, and I don’t have it in me anyway. I am not my beginning. I will not repeat my past. I’m going to get both of those lines as new tattoos, along with a lilac right here.” He sits back and points at his right pec. “You’re my future, Lilac. You’ve changed my destiny. You’ve pointed me in the right direction after I’ve been on the wrong path for too long.” He lifts my hand and kisses my knuckles. “I do want this baby with you.”

His other hand comes to my belly. “We’re going to have a baby.” His voice drops. “Through a condom. Despite the pill. I must have super sperm, and we’re having a baby. Us. Together.”

“Are you really joking about your sexual prowess?”

He lowers himself for the chair next to the bed, still holding my hand.

“Do you know what this means?” he states, still focused on his other hand over my belly. I shake my head.

“It means dinner, hand holding, and sex, all the time.”

“Jacob,” I groan. He pushes down the blanket over me and pulls up my hospital gown.

“What are you doing?” I choke out, stumped by his actions.

“You’re having my baby,” he says to my belly, placing his palm flat over my stomach once more, spreading his fingers over my skin. I shiver at his touch. He lowers his face to my abdomen and kisses me. Tender. Soft. Telling. He continues to press his lips to my stomach over and over again.

“My baby’s in there,” he coos to my skin.

“Does this hurt?” His head pops up, eyes filled with concern. I shake my head, too flabbergast for words.

“Let me love you, Lilac. Let me learn to love you and the baby.” He lowers once more for my belly, setting a kiss over the nonexistent bump, and then turns his head to rest on me. His arm over me tightens, and he closes his eyes.