Page 70 of View With Your Heart

“Because you view your life from your current position looking behind you, and even if you had answers, it’s not how the path of your life went. You played ball. You had an accident. You’re shifting into a new career, and now you’ve become a dad. It’s how you move forward, not back. We can’t ever go back.”

Mum shakes her head, and I wonder if she has regrets, things she’d change, things she’d do differently. She gave up her family to follow Dad and move here to be with him. She’s never mentioned being unhappy with her decisions, but is she?

“Are you happy here, Mum?” The question falls out.

“I’m where I always knew I’d end up. I followed my heart, and this is the path it led me on.” She taps her chest. “You’ve followed yours in many ways as well, and right now, the door is open for a new direction. Only you can decide if you’ll walk through that door and take the adventure before you or not.”

Mum smiles, but slowly, her expression falls. “But know this, while life is a ride of ups and downs, fatherhood is not a cart you can step out of.”

I snort because I feel as if my father did that. He walked away, but I also pushed him. Mum shakes her head. “You’ll never understand the decisions he made.” She means my father, and she pats my arm. “But someday, sooner rather than later, you just might understand.”

Leaning forward, I place my elbows on the table and scrub at my face. “I need to find a place to stay. I’m gonna hang around a bit longer. Britton and I have a lot to figure out.”

Mum reaches across the table to cover my wrist. I notice her hands are so thin. Her fingers curl, and the veins on the back of her hand stand out like rivers, if only her blood flowed with health and not chemo. Despite her fragile state, Mum’s hold on my arm is as firm as ever. “This is your home, Gavin. You’re always welcome here.”

I cup her hand over mine and bring it up to my lips. Pressing my lips to her knuckles, I mutter to them. “I’m sorry I haven’t been better.” A better son. A better brother. A better person to Britton.

“You’ve always been the best you, my darling boy. I’ll expect nothing less in the future.” She reaches up and strokes over my head like I’m still a child, and I accept that I am still her child. Holding her hand, I promise myself to be a better person in one area of my life. I will be a good father to my son.

+ + +

“So Gavin and I have something we’d like to share with you,” Britton begins when I return around lunchtime. I needed a nap before we spoke to Gee, as I’d been on Britton’s porch most of the night. I also had to call Joe as I didn’t know how long I’d be in Elk Lake City, and I couldn’t think further than today.

Gee looks hesitantly from his mom to me and back. Britton licks her lips, wanting to reach out for his hand, but he’s holding a sandwich in his. She thought having lunch would be the best way to discuss this.

“Gee, I’m going to say this fast and then backtrack, okay?”

Gee sets down his sandwich, glancing from me to his mom.

“Gavin is your dad.”

Gee doesn’t move. His brows pinch tight, forming a deep crease.

“Remember when I said we were friends. He’d been my boyfriend at one time, and we saw each other again. That was thirteen years ago.”

“But I’m twelve,” he reminds us.

“Yes but remember, it takes nine months for a baby to be born.” Her eyes shift to me. I’m under the assumption she’s already had the talk with him about how babies are made.

“But what about Dad?”

Britton reaches for his hand now, squeezing it while it remains closed under hers. “Patrick was your dad in every sense of the word. He loved you. He took care of you. Of us. I married him when you were still a baby, but he wasn’t the one who got me pregnant. He wasn’t your biological father.”

Silence fills the room, and I sit there numb and quiet myself, letting Britton lead.

“Do you understand what I’m saying?”

Gee’s eyes fill with liquid as he looks over at me. “Where were you?” I glance at Britton before scooting back my chair and angling toward Gee.

“I didn’t know you were my child until yesterday. Remember when Mrs. Drummond called you my twin? That’s the first I’d heard of this. I’d been starting to wonder because we have the same name and dates were matching up, but I didn’t know you were mine until yesterday.”

I focus on Gee. “I know it’s a lot to take in, isn’t it?”

“But where were you?” Gee addresses me.

“I was living in California, and your mom”—I glance at Britton—“she didn’t know how to find me.”

“But you were famous?” His voice cracks, and he swipes at a tear.