Page 73 of View With Your Heart

“No, it’s fine, but Jacob says you can come here if you want. It’s just us hanging out as Ella and Pam went shopping. Come over.”

I stare out the windshield of the rental, weighing my options. I’m not ready to head back to Mum and Dad’s, and while I wanted to spend the rest of the day at Britton’s, we all need time to process. I don’t want to beg my brother to join me somewhere, so I give in.

“Okay, give me an address?”

After a six-pack of my own and an hour of pouring out my story, I’m drunk and drained.

“Congratulations, man. You’re a fucking dad,” Ethan says, his voice filled with pride.

“That tale is even wilder than Lilac and mine,” Jacob says.

“Who’s Lilac?”

“Pam,” Ethan clarifies.

“Aw, you have nicknames for each other,” I tease.

“That’s rich coming from you, Sport. And Candy,” Ethan fires back, and I swallow around the lump in my throat. Britton. My candy girl.

“I would have married her,” I admit to them.

“Have another beer,” Ethan teases.

“I loved her. I mean, I know it was about the sex that weekend, but I really loved her when we were kids, and that weekend felt like a taste of all we could have been. I fucked up.”

“Why can’t you get that back?” Jacob asks. “I really fucked things up, but Pam took me back.”

“Pam never left your side,” Ethan reminds him. “Gavin baled on Britton.”

“I didn’t bale on her. We just didn’t keep in touch.” It’s not like my brother, the former player, doesn’t understand hooking up and then losing contact with someone.

“But you like her now, right?” I feel like we’re back to that conversation at Jess’s house. I’m also reminded of what Gee said about love and marriage.

“Yes, I like her, but we’re different. It’s like she said, we can’t go back to those two kids.”

“Who’s talking about going back? You move forward. Can you see yourself building a life with her, here, or will you only make it work with Gee?” Jacob asks.

“How’s that going to work if you live in California?” Ethan interjects. “Let’s face it, Dad wasn’t always peaches, but he was here for us. Day in and day out, he was around.”

Ethan’s words strike hard because he’s right. Even when my dad was upset about me leaving the game, the pressure came from a place of love. He’d known baseball had been my passion. He wanted more for me. I’m the one who pulled away from him. Even now, as shitty as I’ve been as a son, my parents have welcomed me home.

“I’m staying with Mum and Dad.”

Ethan’s brows raise. “How’d that go over with Dad?” He bitterly chuckles, although Ethan’s made his own peace with our father.

“I’m letting Mum handle him.”

Ethan laughs harder. “You should move here.”

“I can’t just move,” I snort.

“Why not?” Jacob questions. “You’re a filmmaker, not a banker. You can make films all over the world. It’s your home base that needs to be stable, and that can be anywhere.” Jacob’s a writer, and he’s chosen his mansion in the woods over living in New York or California, where he’s originally from.

“I’m just getting my start. Joe’s in California.”

“Your heart is already telling you something. You want to be in this kid’s life, then you might have to make a change to your life.” Jacob says, spoken like the future father he’ll be.

Ethan backs him up. “Dude, how can you coach him from the other side of the country? Gonna make it to school shit and the annual Halloween party? It can’t just be weekend trips to Disneyland. You need to be all in.”