Page 23 of The Heart Remembers

I push myself out of the seat, but Levi catches my wrist as I attempt to pass him.

“It’s hard to chase you,” he says, holding me in place and glancing down at his leg. “But I will if that’s what you want. I heard what you said about princes and waiting, and I’m not going to miss out on you again.”

I stare down at him. “Were you eavesdropping?”

“I was listening.”

“That’s eavesdropping,” I retort.

“Katie, do you remember what you said to me in that alley after we kissed?”

I pause, knowing he’ll tell me if he remembers.

“You asked me if I was a hero yet, and then you told me you’d be waiting on me. If it’s a hero you want, you won’t find him in me. I’m not that boy with the bike. But if it’s me that you meant, I’m here.”

He didn’t even know what he was saying. He’d kissed Lys an hour ago, and he didn’t even live in this state.

“You’re drunk, and I’m going to bed.”

“I’m only drunk on you,” he says, and I laugh. It’s such a line I can’t take him seriously.

“You’re so charming, Levi. I remember that about you, too. Maybe that’s why I always had a crush on you. It wasn’t just the bike story, which certainly started everything for me, but it was just you, all the time. You were nice to me. You were sweet to Lys and Tricia and even Lena, but you were a flirt, and I didn’t know better then. You called our first kiss an accident, Levi, while I was young, and it hurt. But I’m a big girl now. I can take it and call what we did last night a mistake. I’ll admit it hurts to say that, and it hurt to see you kiss Lys so casually. I’m . . . I’m too raw right now with Derek, and I just . . .” I’ve said too much, and he’s just staring at me. “I’m going to bed.”

Levi struggles to stand, not releasing my wrist. He hops once on his single foot, and I reach out to steady him.

“I can’t be a prince to your princess, but I’m not dismissing last night or the day before or even seven fucking years ago when you kissed me in an alley. I’m sorry I called kissing you an accident at Leon’s house when I was still young and stupid myself, but it was never nothing to me. I told you the other day that the kiss in the alley was one of the best kisses of my life, and that wasn’t me being a flirt or charming or even wanting in your damn pants. That was the honest to God’s truth. That kiss saved me. It kept me alive when my leg was bleeding out, and I thought I’d die because I didn’t want to die. I wanted to live. I had a girl waiting on a question, and she had no fucking clue she was a hero to me. She saved my life for some reason. I’ve already told you I don’t know why I lived, and they didn’t. All of them. Poof! Gone. But here I stand before the woman I’ve held in my dreams, forcing away the nightmares as much as I can, and I’m just asking for—” Levi stops abruptly as tears stream down my face. We’re both shaking with the intensity of this moment. “I don’t know what I fucking want.”

The words crash down around me, and my heart hammers while my stomach pitches. Of course, he doesn’t know. It’s only been days, and I think we’ve both just been wrapped up in the novelty of here and the nostalgia of memories. It’s too much.

“It’s okay.” I pat Levi’s chest. “You don’t have to know.”

Derek didn’t know what he wanted either, or perhaps he grew complacent with what he wanted. Levi stares at my face before his grows harder, edgier, and his dark eyes turn to midnight.

“I am not him,” he mutters, although I haven’t said anything. He tugs at my wrist, and then his other hand cups my cheek, and his mouth crashes to mine. Levi is fire and flame, and I’m going to get burned, but I give in to the warmth of his lips as the heat of his tongue thrusts into my mouth. He kisses me like that man in the alley, wanting something from me that my twenty-year-old heart didn’t understand then and still doesn’t. With his hand at the nape of my neck, he holds me to him, kissing me with everything in him until a throat clears nearby, and we break apart.

Only Levi doesn’t let me go. He holds my nape and presses his forehead to mine.

“Just wanted to say good night,” Lys says, her voice small, and I close my eyes, hating myself. She’s going to be hurt just like me tonight, and it’s all over a boy who’s now a man but still too charming for his own good.

10

[Levi]

I have so fucked up, and even spilling out my feelings has not made it right. Lys kissing me was an awkward accident, and it didn’t mean a thing. Kissing Katie is ripping my heart out because she’s not listening to me. I want her. I don’t know how to make it work or why it’s happening now, but I need us to be together.

She excuses herself after Lys’s interruption, but I don’t want her to go. However, she quickly disappears into the house, and Lys comes to sit by me as I’ve fallen back into the chair where I sat.

“It’s always been her, hasn’t it?”

“I don’t even know what that means,” I admit.

“Levi, when you first came home after you’d been hurt, you were all kinds of doped up and muttering, and it was always her name on your lips. In the recesses of your mind, she was there for you. Leon ignored it, but I heard it clear as day at times.”

Guilt riddles me as Tricia and Leon came to Maryland to claim me once I returned. They helped me get settled in Florida when I refused to come home. Lys came down as well to relieve Tricia, who had to get back to teaching and her kids. Leon’s boss gave him more leeway. When I was shipped home, Katie had just graduated college, but I was in no condition to see her, consider her. In the four years I’ve been back in the States, I’ve had extensive therapy both mentally and physically, along with rehabilitation in Tennessee, and then my limited time with Alicia. I’ve been a hot mess, but something about being here and being near her has settled me. I feel like I’m rounding a bend.

“I’m sorry.” I apologize to Lys because I never meant to hurt her. We were friends in high school. I looked out for her. I wanted her friendship more than her crush, and I felt like she needed mine. She was quiet and shy, and new to town. As time went on, she was more like a sister, and I didn’t want to cross any lines. I’ve always felt like she settled on her husband, and I’ve felt guilty about that as well because I think she was looking for someone like me. Her man was not it.

“I was a teenage fool when it came to you,” she whispers. “And I’m sorry if earlier I made things awkward. It was an accident.”