Page 24 of The Heart Remembers

“That’s what I said,” I retort, and the emphatic response causes an instant reaction in Lys. I’ve hurt her. I hold out my hand, and Lys takes it, linking her fingers with mine.

Lys is married, and that’s a line neither of us would ever cross. The vows of marriage are sacred to me, and I respect them even though my friend’s heart aches. She didn’t do anything wrong, but a single tear seeps out the corner of her eye.

“I just want someone to look at me like you look at her,” she whispers. I’m not sure how I look at Katie, but I know what Lys means—someone to look at you like you hang the moon.

As we sit there holding hands, a throat clears. “Am I interrupting anything?” I turn to find Tricia standing outside the back door. My heart drops at the misunderstanding on her face. Squeezing Lys’s hand, I bring it to my lips to kiss her knuckles before letting her go.

“I’m going up,” Lys mutters, standing from her chair and crossing to Tricia. They hug although Tricia looks at me over Lys’s shoulder. Once Lys enters the house, Tricia comes to sit by me.

“Interesting evening,” she says, looking out at the lake, wrapping her arms around herself. I love this woman like the mother I never had, but she’s also like a pain in the ass older sister sometimes.

“Just say what’s on your mind,” I blurt, bracing myself.

“What’s going on with you and Lys?”

My head rolls against the back of the chair as I stare at Tricia. “You don’t really think I’d be having an affair with Lys under your nose while she’s married, right?”

Tricia sighs, shaking her head. “I’m sorry. We’re just struggling. We know she and Carlos are on shaky ground right now, and we just don’t want anyone to get hurt. Don’t be stupid up here, Levi.”

Instantly, I dislike her warning. “You have very little faith in me, and I don’t like the implication for Lys.”

Tricia reaches over for my wrist and wraps her hand around it. “You’re right.” She pauses, letting her apology linger. “I just know you. You’re looking for love in all the wrong places.” It sounds like an old love song.

“I’m not looking for love at all,” I mock.

“Levi,” she mutters, peering at me. “We’re all looking for love when we don’t have it. When we feel we don’t deserve it, we still want it. Even you, tough guy.”

I snort. I’m hardly tough. I’m broken. I’m messed up in the head, and I want a woman I can’t have.

“I don’t think love is in the cards for me.”

“The deck always has a queen of hearts, Levi. She’s just hasn’t made it into your hand.”

“I think I’m the joker, pulled from the deck.”

“Don’t talk like that. We both know life hasn’t always been easy, but it hasn’t always been terrible either. You have AJ.” She aims a smile at me as she leans toward me. “And you have me.”

“You’re a pain in the ass.”

“But you love me,” she says, still smiling. “And I love you, Levi. I’ve always wanted what’s best for you, even if I couldn’t always give it to you.”

When Tricia left my brother, she wanted to take me with her. She told me how guilty she felt for leaving me behind, but I wasn’t her child, and my father was still alive. She couldn’t just take me, but she wanted to, and I believe her. Hearing her tell me she loves me always does something to me.

“I love you, too,” I whisper, finding the words hard to share and rarely passing between my lips. I told Alicia I loved her, but I loved that she was the mother of my child, not her directly.

“Whoever she is, she’s out there. I believe that.” Tricia leans even closer to me, lowering her voice. “A good woman waits for you. She’ll be decent for you and AJ, because you’re a package deal now. You’ll know when you find her, baby.”

My heart clatters because I have found her. I know who she is. Now I just need to convince her that I’m here for her, even if I am who I am—a man, not a hero.

+ + +

The next morning, I catch Katie before she goes for a run. Her hesitation gives me pause, but I’m determined to spend more time with her. I put AJ in the stroller and then second-guess myself.

“I don’t want to slow you down.” My eyes drift to the stroller as we reach the end of the driveway.

“You won’t.” She’s quiet, and I’d like to attribute it to the morning. Some people are just foggy, but it feels like more than that.

As we start our jog, I can’t find words, so I just appreciate the quiet and listen to the roll of AJ’s stroller over the pavement. Katie keeps pace with me although she could probably run a lot faster.