Page 66 of Living at 40

Anna knew of the plan, but Ben didn’t, and he looked exhausted when we invaded on Saturday morning. I was a hot mess of anxiety, working on little sleep and too much coffee. And at some point, Autumn would be here. I hadn’t called. She’d reached out to me, but I hadn’t returned her calls.

I was a fucking schmuck.

With Zack’s help, I gently but firmly informed Chloe she could not take our daughter out of the country to live. This led to a huge argument, but I wasn’t willing to give in. Lorna was just as much my child as hers, and I was beginning to question whether Chloe wanted her child for herself or because she was growing angry with me.

Finally, we came to an agreement. Last night had been painful on a multitude of levels. Lorna was strong until the final boarding call. The tears and sobs seemed inconsolable, and I finally had to tell Chloe to just leave.

At a small dining table in the sitting area off the kitchen, I nurse another coffee and a cinnamon swirl danish I have no business eating. Mason, Zack, and Ben also sit with me. The table is tucked into an oversized bay window with a great view of the lake in the distance, but my eyes keep wandering to the front hall. My hands anxiously rub down my shorts because sweat moistens my palms. I don’t remember being this nervous before my own wedding or at my child’s birth, but I’m melting under the anticipation of Autumn’s appearance.

When she finally does arrive, it’s in a rare second I’m not glancing over at the hallway, and all conversation slowly comes to a halt. Autumn stands completely still near the kitchen island, which is only feet from me but feels miles away. She is so fucking beautiful it takes my breath, and I decide at that moment to do whatever it takes to deserve another chance with her.

“Hey.” Her voice cracks as she addresses all of us but stares at me. With another swipe of my hands down the thighs of my shorts, I choke around a weak response.

“Hey.”

We stare at one another, and the heat crackling from over there to over here turns up my body temperature by one thousand degrees. Then she looks away from me.

“Don’t just sit there, dumb ass. Go to her,” Mason mumbles under his breath. Unfortunately for me, Mason’s been chastising me about my poor communication with Autumn. He’s been a good friend, checking in daily on the Lorna situation, as he called it, and then dropping hints about Autumn.

She looks sad.

She misses you.

You should call her.

Maybe I’ll have better luck with her.

This final comment was meant to torture me into motivation, but Lorna took all my energy. I didn’t know what to say to Autumn, and the more time that passed, the less I knew how to recover us.

Slowly, I stand, swiping at my shorts one more time. With our eyes locked once again on one another, I approach.

“Autumn.” Her name is too stiff against my tongue. “It’s great to see you again,” I weakly state, feeling the daggers at my back. Ben wants to crack me over the head, and Zack exaggerates a cough. Mason is ready to laugh his ass off when I fail with this woman.

Leaning forward, I go in for a cheek kiss, but Autumn turns her head in my direction, and some force of nature has our mouths meeting. We still for a mere second before our lips slowly move, molding to one another’s, working in sync. The kiss slowly builds, like a pot of water set to boil—little bubbles appear, jostling the liquid until atoms erupt and the water rises in a furious froth.

Autumn is in my arms before I know it. Our mouths suck and nip, and my arms wrap around her middle, securing her to me. When her legs hitch up over my hips, I hike her up against my body and walk us out of the kitchen area to give us some privacy.

“I’m so mad at you,” she mumbles with her mouth still against mine. Her fingers tug at the back of my hair. The pinch is a live wire to another part of my body that’s desperate to reconnect with her.

“I’m sorry,” I mutter back, wanting to remain attached to her. We aren’t close enough, but I don’t deserve to be inside her yet.

With her arms around my neck and my hands at her ass, holding her against me, we move into the front hall. Our mouths connect once again in a scorching kiss. Anger. Frustration. Reunion. When her back hits a wall, she pulls her head back and her feet drop to the floor, but I pin her in place with my lower body.

“We should talk.” My voice is hoarse with my need for her. I just want to bury myself inside her, forget the past two and a half weeks, and start fresh.

“I talked to Lorna outside.” The mention of my daughter is both a reminder of the past miserable days and the ice water I need to calm down. Pressing my forehead to Autumn’s, I sigh.

“About that . . .”

“Tell me everything,” she quietly demands. Cupping the back of her neck, as I just want to touch her, I pull back from her forehead and begin.

“Zack helped me find the legal means to tell Chloe she could not take our daughter out of the country.”

“Did you give her an ultimatum?” Autumn’s voice rises with concern and surprise.

“No. I gave her a choice. Peter or Lorna.” Chloe felt guilty deciding. She never wanted to be seen as a bad mother, and she hadn’t been other than her nagging concerns for our daughter’s weight. I tried to assure Chloe I wouldn’t judge her for choosing Peter. She deserved happiness for herself, but it had me thinking I deserved it as well. While Lorna was the center of our lives, she wasn’t selfish. She wasn’t demanding we put her in the middle. We each deserved more for ourselves. Still, I would never part from my child. “I told Chloe she should go. Rather than me be the one to live without Lorna, it should be Chloe, and maybe Chloe should use the time apart to determine what she really wants in life.”

Autumn’s breath hitches. “Does this mean you have Lorna full time?”