Page 80 of Living at 40

“I’m so sorry, Ben,” Logan whispers.

“It was nothing.” Ben keeps his eyes on his friend. A thousand words are passed between the two of them without a single one spoken. “This hasn’t happened in a while, right?”

Ben’s comment surprises me as if he’s had experience with this reaction in Logan.

Logan shakes his head. “It could have been a number of things, but I’m thinking it was the . . eh, zealous activity.”

My face heats again at the hint.

“I have a kit in my room. I’ll do a finger prick in a bit,” he adds.

I should know all these things.

“Teach her everything,” Ben demands.

Logan nods and turns back to me, directing his words to me next. “I’m sorry, sweetheart.”

I shake my head again and finally give in to touching him. Cupping his face, I stroke over his stubbly jaw. “You have nothing to apologize for.” I can’t deny the fear inside me that things could have escalated. This could have gone terribly wrong. The tremble in my arms is uncontrollable as is the racing of my heart, but Logan did nothing wrong.

“I’m the one who is sorry.” My voice remains low, apologetic, as Logan chews a cracker. He glances down at his shorts which are partially zipped, barely covering him.

“Shit.” He glances up at Ben and then back at me. After placing the cracker between his teeth, he reaches for his zipper with shaky fingers.

“Zealous activity?” Ben teases, trying to break the tension between all of us.

I briefly close my eyes again, before Logan reaches for me, tenderly circling my wrist with a cool, clammy hand, forcing me to look at him.

“Tell me. Did I hurt you?” Anxiety fills his wide eyes.

“No,” I state again. We were finished with sex before he started falling apart, or at least, I think his reaction started afterward. Maybe that’s why he was so clammy instead of sweaty. Maybe that’s why he was so rough and determined.

“Please don’t lie to protect me.”

“I’m not.” I glance at Ben and back at Logan, giving him a weak smile.

“Daddy?” A meek voice comes from the hallway, and I glance over my shoulder as the door to my room slowly opens. Logan hardly says a word before his daughter is racing to him, wrapping her father in her arms. Tears fall from her as she must have been just as frightened by what happened.

“I’m okay, baby,” he coos to his daughter, stroking over her head while his hands continue to tremble.

“I brought you sugar like you taught me,” she says, sounding proud of herself.

“Good girl,” Logan replies, his voice weak and full of concern. He’s still stroking over her dark hair, just as afraid he hurt her.

“She was very helpful,” I assure him. “Ben took over once she brought up the candy.”

Logan sighs in relief. “I usually carry honey sticks in my pocket.” Logan pats at one. “But I didn’t have any on me. So stupid.” He whispers the last two words.

“Why don’t I take you back to your room?” I suggest to Lorna. “And let Ben finish with your dad.” I keep my eyes on Logan. He needs some space from being the center of attention and privacy to regroup. He can talk Ben through whatever he needs next. Logan gives me a subtle nod of gratitude before glancing back at his daughter.

“I love you, baby girl. I’ll be all good in a little bit.”

“I love you, too, Dad.” Lorna hugs him again, holding him a little tighter. Logan squeezes her in return, pressing a kiss to the side of her head before patting her back to signal she needs to let him go.

I wrap an arm over Lorna’s shoulders and guide her to the door, taking a final glance back to find Logan watching me. Smiling weakly at him, he returns mine without strength. Ben says something to Logan, and he glances back down at his pump. With that, I close the door, leaving the friends to sort things out.

31

[Logan]