Page 38 of Learning at 40

“Zack, you don’t need to do this.” Her lips purse, suddenly brushing off her request to know my story. “You don’t owe me anything. You’re not indebted to me. It’s been my pleasure to feed your boys, give them a treasure to hunt, and allow you to fix that old tree fort. It’s nothing. Really.”

“Really? Because that seems like a lot to me, and I want to repay you.”

Her eyes narrow at the comment, and her back stiffens. “I do not need payment for being kind.” Her tone turns sharper than I’ve ever heard.

“I didn’t mean to insult you,” I defend, taken aback by her tone.

“I’m not insulted.” Clearly, she is, though, and I don’t know how to get out of this ditch I’ve dug.

“Then just come to the beach because you promised us a day together, and I’m not ready to give it up.” Once again, I find I’m not done with her. I’m not certain I’ll ever be finished, and it’s a dangerous thought as I only have a few days remaining here.

Her mouth falls open to say something, and then she clamps her lips shut. She doesn’t look pleased, and I’m definitely missing something, but she finally acquiesces after another glance at the boys in the tree fort. Without another word to me, she nudges her arm free of my grasp and enters the house, knowing I won’t follow her inside. I can’t bring myself to enter the place, and it’s her best defense to shut me out.

14

[River]

For the remainder of the day, I try to let it go. So, he didn’t love me. What did I expect? We’d only known each other a few days. We couldn’t fall in love that quickly. I’m not interested in falling in love with a man who won’t be sticking around after another week. I don’t need some declaration of commitment or profession of devotion, so I don’t know why I’m upset. Maybe, it’s the way he said it, like he was offended. Like of course, he couldn’t possibly consider falling in love with me.

By the time we’ve reached the beach, I’m more confused than ever, though. Zack is constantly touching me. Hand on my hip. Fingers in my hair. A tender kiss to my shoulder.

We dig in the sand with the boys and play in the waves. The boys eat snacks that I brought, and Zack is appreciative again. He has so much gratitude it’s getting on my nerves. Eventually, the boys want to leave the beach, and I need a break. Despite the fun, it’s been a long day.

After we pack things up and head toward the stairs, Zack hangs back while the boys climb ahead of us. “Have dinner with us.”

“Zack,” I groan.

“What? What happened? We were having such a good time.” He pauses on a step while I take two more before facing him. He glances over my shoulder at the boys, narrowing his eyes as if in thought. “You heard me earlier, didn’t you?” He sighs. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry if it sounded wrong, but we just met. I have the boys and just—”

“I get it.” What I don’t get is why I’m still upset. It isn’t like I expected him to fall madly in love with me after a handful of days and a collection of kisses. This is why I couldn’t do one-night stands. What did I think a ten-day fling would turn into? A marriage proposal? Preposterous. Yet my heart still aches. For all the warnings that single parents shouldn’t get involved with others, I wonder briefly if anyone considers the other. The one who quickly falls in love with both children and father. What happens to her when her heart bursts with feelings for more than one Weller boy?

“The truth is, I don’t have time for love.”

I remain a few stairs above him, and my mouth falls open. Words tumble forward. “Then what do you want from me?”

In frustration, Zack turns away and swipes a hand through his hair—his signature upset move. I hate that I recognize this about him already. “I just want to fuck you.” The words are quiet and low while stated so direct and indifferent. He blows out a breath and sheepishly glances up at me before taking the stairs to close the distance between us.

To say my heart fell to my feet, felt stomped on, and then kicked off this staircase was an understatement. I’d never been so . . . shocked or hurt. There was no doubt we were attracted to one another—physically attracted—but this felt like a little bit more than just fucking one another. In fact, he was putting in a lot of effort to spend time with me, dragging his own boys into the mix, for a man who only wanted in my pants. Which he’d already been in, twice now.

“Shit, I told you I suck at this.” He reaches out for my arm, but I flinch away from his touch.

“That wasn’t flirtatious, Zack.”

“Let me redirect—”

I hold up a hand to stop him. “This isn’t a courtroom. This is life. We’re not negotiating. To be clear, we’re having an argument. Also to be clear, you make time for love. You find it. You give it. You have a big fancy watch that dictates all the hours in a day.” I pause, chest heaving as if I’ve run miles. “If you don’t want it, then that’s a different story. If you don’t want love, then that’s your . . . prerogative.” I can hardly say the word. Then I remember that he’s already told me he doesn’t want anything more from me. He told me the night he arrived with a wine bottle in hand. He wanted one night, and I don’t understand how we’ve gotten to three or four plus afternoons with his boys.

My arms have flailed out to my sides in my tirade, and Zack just stares at me. Puffing out a breath, I turn to take another step, but Zack quickly overtakes me, stopping me with an outstretched arm to block my climb. He checks over his shoulder to find his boys, noting they’re taking their time ascending the stairs but aren’t looking back at us. Zack lowers his face to mine, coming in too close.

“That came out wrong. I want to be with you. There’s no doubt I want between your thighs and inside you, but let me be clear, it’s more than fucking you. I want to know who you are and why you’re so kind. I want to understand how my boys fell in love with you so fast and if I can get there too because I am falling. Definitely falling.” His hand cups my jaw, and his mouth possesses mine. The kiss is so powerful, I lean backward, tipping over the railing at my back. His fingers slip along my cheek, dipping into my hair. He fists a section at my nape and kisses me harder.

“I’ll make time for you.” He kisses me once more. “Have dinner with us at Anna’s tonight.”

I’m so stunned by the fierceness of his kiss and the determination in his tone, I nod to accept, having the fight kissed out of me.

Damn, he does not play fair.

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