Page 39 of Learning at 40

The meal passes in Anna’s dining room under a cacophony of grumbling kids and adult laughter. I drink too much. Somewhere during the night, I admit that I don’t have many female friends in the area outside the acquaintances I work with at the hospital and end up invited to Monday margaritas and manicures, a new tradition Autumn created once Anna moved permanently to Lakeside. I’m actually looking forward to some girl time.

Zack walks me home, but we don’t make it to my backyard before we’re making out like desperate teens against the side of my house. Frantic and rushed, I’m losing my mind over this man. His lips. His teeth. His fingertips. His hands roam my body like a raised topography map, memorizing hills and discovering valleys. He’s everywhere all at once. Forget flirting, this man can kiss. He’s no longer holding back but ravishing me.

“I don’t want to argue with you,” he mutters against my mouth, hanging on to our earlier disagreement. “Ever.”

“It’s going to happen.” Love isn’t without fighting. Sometimes against it. Sometimes for it.

“As long as we make up.” His mouth moves to my jaw and down my neck. His hands continue to wander. “Always make up.”

“Compromise,” I mutter before I nip his earlobe.

“Negotiate,” he moans near mine. My skirt lifts, and his eager fingers find I’m not wearing underwear. He sucks in a breath. “You didn’t.”

“All night,” I tease. Actually, I slipped my underwear off before he walked me home.

“Angel,” he growls, slipping two fingers into me. The heel of his hand rubs at my clit. His hips thrust forward, forcing the heel harder against me. My fingers fumble with his shorts, but he swats mine away, catching my wrist firmly in his hand and lifting it above my head. “Tonight is only for you. Get lost in me.”

He has no idea what he’s saying. I don’t know what to think of him or his boys or what we’re doing, but for now, I take his mouth and feel his fingers. He pleasures me like no one ever has. I’m gasping for air and swallowing his scent when the orgasm rips through me so intensely my knees buckle. The house holds me upright because Zack doesn’t relent. Dropping to his knees, he attacks with his mouth next. His tongue delves, and his lips suck. He’s marking me so I’ll never forget him.

“Come,” he demands between my thighs, and I sway against his mouth until I break once more. Silvery stars prickle my sight in the darkness. My breath rasps in heavy gulps as Zack stands and crashes his mouth against mine again. Breathless and weak, it’s too much, too fast, and I’m spiraling. The next thing I know, Zack has me in his arms and carries me to the lounger where we lay beside each other, mirroring one another. His fingers brush back my hair as I stare at him until I can catch my breath.

“I owe you some explanations,” he finally says.

“Zack,” I tenderly groan. “You don’t owe me. If you don’t want to tell me, you don’t have to.”

“I do.”

“Orgasms for information?” I tweak a brow. “You’re terrible as a negotiator. I should have given one to you, if I wanted knowledge.”

“I like your way of thinking, but this is different.” His eyes glance from one to the other of mine, shifting back and forth before speaking. “I want to tell you. I’m just . . . I’m worried about what you’ll think when I’m finished.”

“I would never judge you.” I know all about being unfairly accused of something. I’d never do it to him, but curiosity at what he could possibly tell me grows.

Taking a deep breath, he begins. “My father was in prison.” Zack closes his eyes. Shame washes over him. “He was an accountant and embezzled more than a million dollars from the company he worked for.”

Reaching for his face, I tenderly stroke his jaw, allowing the prickle of his scruff to scrape my palm. His eyes open.

“He was sentenced to twenty years.” Zack exhales. “As you know, my mother and Anna’s mother were lifelong best friends. My parents were from Chicago like Anna’s family but moved here around the time my brother was born. My father had been offered a job he felt he couldn’t refuse. Unfortunately, they lived above their means. He’d fallen into debt and started slowly taking money from the company he worked for. We later learned he had a gambling problem.”

My fingertips rub along his jaw, encouraging him to tell me more.

“I’m not making any excuses for him. There are none,” he bitterly states. “We could have moved. We could have sold our home and lived more within his income. He should have gotten help. My mother defended him. She blamed herself. So did he.” He frowns. “He felt he needed to keep up with Anna’s parents. Her father made his money in the sausage industry, and when they bought the house next door as a second home, my father wanted to prove himself. He always wanted more, more, more. A bigger house. A better car. More money. When he was arrested, we were actually broke. He’d gambled away what he’d embezzled.”

“I’m so sorry, honey,” I whisper. He shakes his head free of my hand by rolling to his back. My chest squeezes. I want nothing more than to wrap my arms around him and protect him from his memories, but he’s lost in his head and doesn’t want my touch.

He faces the dark sky and swipes a hand into his hair. “He wasn’t a terrible dad. He was a great dad actually.” His voice lifts in surprise as if he’s just now discovering this about his father. “We were just a normal family. Roof over our head. Food in our fridge. I didn’t see any signs of trouble. My father was a dreamer. A schemer,” he adds softer. “He was always talking about the next thing, a better thing. House. Car. Job.”

Zack pauses, eyes upward, but I doubt he’s concentrating on any one star.

“The police came to the house and arrested him right in front of my older brother and me. I was fifteen, and Noah was eighteen. My mother cried for days.” He blinks. “We were such spoiled punks, and I was angry. So angry. Noah left. Dad used his college fund, but Noah found a way on his own. He left me behind to face my friends, the neighbors, my teachers, and deal with our mother. Everyone knew our story. We moved into Anna’s home, the house next door, for months. My mother had never worked a day in her life. Anna’s dad gave my mom a loan, which I didn’t learn about until years later. I paid back every cent.”

Zack turns his head to face me again. “Robert . . . that’s my father’s name . . . was released from prison shortly before I met Jeanine at a conference.” With a shaky breath, he adds, “God forgive me, but sometimes I think those boys are my penance. I turned my back on my dad, and I was given twins to torment me as a father.”

“You know it doesn’t work that way,” I say, keeping my voice quiet. I don’t like how he’s spoken about the boys as punishment and know he doesn’t mean it. He’s hurting, and I reach for his hand instead of his face, needing to touch him in some manner. He curls his fingers around mine, holding on tight like he did that first night.

“I know,” he whispers. “I know.”

“Did you ever see your dad again?”